Does anyone else just feel like crying over their messy house?

[Iliveinazoo]

I'm soooo sick of it.

We're a fairly typical household, me, husband, two young kids (one preschooler), both dh and I working.

I swear trying to clean up with kids and a husband is like trying to shovel snow in a blizzard.

I can't even be bothered to go into the mundane details of it all, but things like.

You sweep and mop, they eat one meal, you may as well have not bothered.

You clean the bathroom, the toddler goes to the loo, misses, yay pissy floor.

You wash every single towel in the house, 3 days later every single towel in the house is screwed up in a damp pile in the corner of ds1s bedroom.

You clean mirrors, windows, glass doors, one hour later fingerprints all over said surfaces.

I try to fold washing, toddler tried to throw it all around the room like it's the best game ever.

Husband 'helps' by loading the dishwasher, nothing comes out clean because guess what darling husband, plates down come clean when they're crammed in on top of each other.

Apparently I'm also supposed to be ironing and washing bedding weekly, I don't.

I've tried everything, nobody notices or cares apart from me.

The issue in our house is that it has never been straight. We moved 9 years ago. After a year renting we ended up, with 2 houses worth of stuff, in a much smaller place, that we'd bought anticipating 3 people living here; DH, me and small DD. Adult DC all in own rented places. Most of my stuff got put in the garage where it has been slowly rotting for 9 years .

DH works nights including every single weekend. So not only is he not available, he is also in the way on the only 2 days I'm not at work. Can't sort out bedroom with him asleep in it.

First we had DS2 live with us around Uni. We inherited all his stuff which went in the loft. Got rid of him and DS1 came to live with us for 3 whole years, with all his stuff. DD1 went abroad, leaving her stuff here. DS1 moved out (hooray) and we started getting everywhere cleared. DH started sleeping in the spare room so that I could get into our bedroom to sort it while he was asleep.

Then we got DS2, DDIL and DS3 back, complete with even more stuff. DS2 and DDIL left earlier this year but DS3 is still here.

I am a hoarder and we have far more stuff than we can cope with. DH "tidies" by dumping stuff in boxes and piling them in different rooms. I spent literally 6 hours clearing a corner of the dining room. Putting stuff away properly, throwing out rubbish, charity shopping things we didn't need, not just moving it somewhere else. I was so pleased with myself that I was making a dent. Less than a week later he dumped a pile of boxes in the "spare space". I could have cried. (I actually screamed and ranted but it did no good)

The boxes have no logic and are just all the random stuff that was in the area he was "tidying". I opened a box yesterday and found all the missing water bottles, lunch box lids and innards I have been looking for (and having to buy replacements) for the past year.

He started replacing the bathroom about 4 years ago. We have no tiles on the walls, can't use the shower, bath isn't sealed, no bath panel, boxes of stuff on the floor, and for 3 years we had no door. Worst of it is he took off the radiator to put on a towel heater and has never got round to fitting it. In the winter the bathroom is too cold to stay in any length of time. We can't afford to get a man in to do it, or I would.

What really makes me sad is we moved here with a 3 year old, really enthusiastic about what we were going to do with the house. We now have an 11 year old who has spent the biggest portion of her life living in a shit tip, with no end in sight.

My dc's refuse to do anything around the house. Pocket money and screens are long gone.
I've told them they'll get no choice in meals if they don't muck in. I'm no longer going of my way to cook what they prefer if they won't do chores. I hope that weeks on end of batch cooked veggie lasagne will break them .

When my DCs were young it only took one episode of filling black bin bags with their mess and putting them out for the bin men to make them miraculously become tidier 😃
Ditto with dh's crap.
There's no way I would put up with the disrespect for me, possessions or the home.

Going out of my way.

Right, Im going in. I could be some time.

Its bloody shameful in here

WeaselsRising

You can do it too. Ive got to get it straight. Its been 3 years since we moved in with big ideas

Lets do it for the DC by Xmas ?

@megletthesecond How old are your children? What do you mean they refuse? You need to take charge. if my children don't help, the TV goes off, the wi-fi goes off, no playing out, no friends over, no activities - they learn fast. We started when ours were young and yes they have the the odd moan, don't we all, but if they want to do the stuff they want to do then they have to help.

My kids also do very little. If I turned the tv or WiFi off the pockets of time I have to tidy would vanish. Friends coming round and playing out is part of childhood so can’t imagine limiting that. I also can’t imagine throwing out their stuff. It’s not mine to throw out, it’s theirs not mine . I occasionally plan to get them to help but it never lasts. The main problem is clutter though. Should get them to help this afternoon but their help is actually a massive hinderance and the older one has a load of homework which she will need to sit and do instead.

Plus the organised mum stuff is just a joke. I can’t afford a cordless hoover. There is no way I could put washing on, make beds and mop in 15 mins plus it seems to hide the fact that it is the boot camp at the beginning that makes a difference and I can never imagine completing the boot camp as that is totally overwhelming and would take a month not a week. By which point I’d need to start again as the bits I tidied at the start would be trashed again.

@ritzbiscuits Marie Kondo does have kids, and her method isn't "talking to socks"

I’m pretty sure she didn’t have kids when she wrote her first book though.

@RainbowBriteRules the thing is that if you make the help (I am talking max 15 mins a day, so plenty of time to play) they become naturally more tidy, because they are the ones that are inconvenienced if they don’t.

We have started a new plan whereby I have divided the house into five zones (not including bedrooms) - each person has responsibility for a different zone each week and we rotate around. The younger two get help with their zone.

@SachaStark She didn’t when she write the book as she was heavily criticised at the time.

I actually quite like her, but she’s rather crazy. My point for OP, is that she’s feeling so overwhelmed, someone like Dana who has three kids and a messy family house is much more relatable.

Lots of people mentioning cordless hoovers. Do you mean the mini hand-held sort of thing, or something larger? Have been thinking of getting one for upstairs, as it's such a pain dragging the Henry up there that I don't hoover as much as I should.

And also, because we’ve always done it, my children are respectful of the fact that they need to pitch in. They know it’s a fair trade if they want a lift to a friend’s house (or have someone over) that some jobs need doing first.

I just can’t imagine them saying no

I just keep. A hoover on each floor. I keep my sebo x4 upstairs as that is all carpet and I bought an inexpensive miele c1 for the hard floors downstairs. Neither is cordless, but not having to lug them up and down stairs makes it easier to devote 2 minutes to tackling scattered crumbs or the remains of a dead and dismembered sock as soon as they are spotted.

Bloody hell im not stopping my children having friends round, or playing out, or anything. But for 15 mins at the end of the day they have to tidy up the playroom. They’re only 4 and 3 so their idea of tidying is different to mine but at least they’re in the habit of looking after their own surroundings and not expecting me to do everything for them.

former did you punish dc for washing mishap? I would have gone ballistic.

Could you make them clean up food mess with dustpan?

The consequence of wiping hands on washing here would be that they rewash, hang up to dry, fold and put away that load.

Crikey, I wouldn’t have punished the washing thing at all and would have asssumed it was kids being kids. I would have told them I was very annoyed but wouldn’t have punished. In fact really I would have assumed it was my fault for not providing something near enough to wipe their hands on, possibly would thing differently if something was provided but probably still no punishment!

So glad it's not just me. Most men just don't give a shot or even notice do they. Mine dh is pretty helpful tbf but I do the deep cleaning and prettifying. Kind of dreading the deluge of Xmas plus 2 winter birthdays! Good advice on here.

Really? A 10 year old should know better than to wipe their hands on clean washing! Thet should ask for a cloth or walk to the sink. I’m gobsmacked that some children are led to believe this is ok?!

A 10 year old?! My 4 year old knows not to wipe her hands on clothes/washing.

Disagree - surely at 8 they've got the sense to get a tissue or kitchen roll or tea towel. Yes, made them soak the item which they messed up.