What would your punishment be?

[Gizzygizmo]

my 7 year old destroyed his bedroom as we said he can't go outside after back chatting and refusing to get changed out school uniform.
He tipped every toy out his toy box including Lego and a bag full of pens and pencils, pulled all his clothes out his wardrobe including the pole, dvds flung all over the place. Literally like a tornado came through his bedroom.
He's refused to clean it and has said he don't want to clean it, he would rather we do it for him.
We said if we do it were bagging it all up and taking it away... he don't care, he said throw them away then
We have literally ran out of punishments to give till its done, he still don't care.
When he's sat up there attempting to Do it he draws all over himself and his stuff.
This morning I had enough and said I would guide him telling him what to do, BUT im not helping as he done it all himself so he has to learn, still didn't help even me being there telling him.
AIBU not helping him clean it up? And what would others do?

I can’t believe people suggesting giving him a cuddle or a fucking biscuit 😂😂😂😂

Thisreally I totally agree about age appropriate consequence. What I don't agree with is all the posters saying a hug and a chat are a reward.
It's not. This kid clearly isn't happy and the parent needs to find out why to help him find better ways of behaving in future. Pushing him away through a battle of wills won't solve anything.

I posted above about when my ds started this behaviour. Turned out his teachers on his school were bullying him. I'm not sure how constant negativity would have helped the situation.

I have raised 4 kids without the need for punishments, but I wouldn't call putting his own mess away a punishment!
I would just look really puzzled and shake my head and say in a calm, thoughtful voice. I don't know how I am going to be able to get in your room to make the bed. I think I am goin to have to pack away everythin on the floor in bin bags and put it in the loft so I don't trip up and start doing so slowly.

Why's it always the disciplinarians looking for parenting help!

I think it’s because the
‘have a nice chat and a biscuit’parents aren’t that bothered about how their kids behaviour effects everyone around them ime. They’d much rather call their kids boisterous and creative than tackle what is poor behaviour. Maybe the ops ds was just rearranging his room in a creative way, expressing his emotion

Whyisitalwaysthedisciplinarians looking for parental help yes it’s funny that isn’t it!

Maybe no bad kids only bad parents as my old dad used to say

And in all seriousness, as evidenced by the many attachment parenting support groups on Facebook etc, it isn’t only ‘disciplinarian’ parents who seek advice. Far from it.
Also, failing to seek advice doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t need it or your child behaves well. It just means you think you’re right and, ime, are very good at reframing problem behaviour into something positive to avoid having to do anything.

Bumsex you're just not listening are you? Sort out properly why he did it in the first place, taking time, showing love and respect and hey presto - he never does it again. Or 'teach him a lesson' and roll up your sleeves to enjoy another ten years of this tantrumming shit. Your choice.

Try it. Try it properly, just once, and see what happens. It's not lazy parenting. It takes a lot of patience and effort. It's not the same as letting kids go wild and not caring.

I am listening. I just disagree. Especially when people think they have a magic solution which 100% guarantees a behaviour won’t happen again - not possible imo. You can massively decrease the chance of problem behaviour being repeated though and that is by being loving and understanding, brainstorming ideas of how to better express anger AND letting your child know that you won’t accept destructive behaviour and they need to clear it up. If they think trashing their room is ok what will they try next to test where the boundary is?
God knows where all these children who would be so damaged by any form of punishment go to school because I can tell you now if they started throwing books around and tipping out boxes in a classroom they wouldn’t be getting offered a biscuit!

And I have 2 older children now who are well rounded and excellently behaved, loving, kind kids. So your prediction that methods other than your own lead to ‘years of tamtrummimg bullshit’ is bullshit tbh.

it makes me laugh how people assume that because they've had a couple of kids they are suddenly experts at raising all children. Every child is different, just like adults. It is widely known that showing a certain degree of discipline to children works - otherwise no one would do it???

So, going by that i would take my chance of using discipline to punish rather than cuddles, L O FUCKING L

Well I used cuddles and talking when my ds behaviour spiralled out of control.

His punishment was the natural consequences of his actions. Eg damage to toys, not being able to use room, no money for trips out as spent on fixing furniture.

3 years later and he's going through the teen years and all I ever hear is adults coming up to congratulate me on how polite, kind and funny he is. And I don't mean commenting at parents evening etc when I'm there - actually seeking me out to complement him.

If you want emotionally intelligent kids you need to teach them emotional management.