to ask if you can afford a 'private' school in the UK but have chosen to send your child/children to a state school why?

[Foreverexhausted]

My three year old DD has just started a nursery attached to a fee paying school. I chose the nursery because it is by far the best nursery in the area but unfortunately we can't afford to send her to the school itself as fees are £15k per year per child and we have two children.

We have friends who could afford private schooling but their children are in state schools and then others who can't afford it but are just scraping by because they like the status of children attending a private school.

We could afford a private school if we cut back in other areas. However, we didn't go down this route because we didn't think it was worth the investment.

Firstly, I think it's a mistake to assume that private schools are automatically better than state schools. Many of my friends were privately educated, whereas I went to a state comprehensive. I do not feel that they are any better educated, more successful or happier than I am.

Our local state primary was way better in my opinion than any of the local private options. Secondary school was a bit more complicated - there were aspects of the private provision which we liked, and aspects which we didn't like. The facilities were certainly better than the state school that dd now attends, but the teaching was not. On balance, I did not feel that the private school was worth what it cost.

Secondly, our dd is the kind of child who will do well in any school. She is very bright and highly self-motivated. She also has supportive and involved parents. I am confident that we can enrich and supplement the education on offer at her state school without spending a small fortune.

A few of dd's friends from primary school went to private secondary schools. We keep in touch with them, and hear all about their experiences. Many of my friends have children in the independent sector as well. Looking at those kids always reassures me that dd is not disadvantaged in any way because of going to a state school. Quite the contrary, actually - she is positively thriving, whereas many of them are not.

Ultimately, I think it comes down to individual schools and individual children rather than any great divide between private and state. I feel that dd is in the right school for her right now, so why would I waste my money on something else?

I honestly don’t believe they are any better.

One thing I've noticed in large city environment is that state primaries have better outdoor facilities than some of the private junior schools that are in basically very large houses with little outside space., whereas state primaries do tend to have reasonably sized playgrounds. Doesn't apply to all of them, but some.

You may also find that some state primaries have less homework and less academic 'pressure' (which is not the same as encouragement to achieve academically) than some of the more selective private junior schools - both selling points for some dparents. Again, does not apply across the board !

We could afford a private school if we cut back and made sacrifices. However, I don't see it as worth the money in all honesty.

We could probably afford primary with some cutbacks but want to prioritise saving for private secondary, overpaying our mortgage and having more of a safety net and enjoying life. Our local state schools are fabulous at pimary but not secondary. Other people will prioritise different things. Private schooling will always be a luxury - some people are prepared to sacrifice a lot to afford that luxury and others won’t.

We could afford private but the closest private primary to us is a 40 minute drive away. It’s also single sex which I don’t like for primary. Ds1 is autistic which is currently being dealt with very well at the state primary he attends.

We live in a grammar school area so we’re hoping to get moths dc’s there. If not we’ll send them to the private secondary school that’s about half an hour away. I’d rather not though as it’s a school that’s well known for churning out people who turn into identikit red trousered cockwombles.

Not good value for money round here. State schools are great, and the private ones are further away. I know quite a few local teachers who've moved between the two, so not better teachers either.

”others who can't afford it but are just scraping by because they like the status of children attending a private school.”

Are you certain that’s why they do it? Not because of the smaller class sizes, facilities, or because they think the education will be better or the environment better suited to their DC?

Because I don't believe private schools are fair.

I have 2 in private and 2 in state school.
We decided on the school that suited each child best. We live 5 mins walk away from an Ofsted outstanding primary school - it is lovely but feeds into a huge secondary school which we did not feel suited our older children hence we went private at age 11.

Firstly because I’m a big believer in state education. And where it sometimes falls down, and you end up with ‘failing’ schools is because the parents who are able to support & invest in the school send their children elsewhere.

For me, the biggest thing is value for money.

I can see there are some benefits to private school but
I feel my DC will do much better if we spent the money on enrichment activities (music, holidays, extra curricular activities) plus tutoring if necessary plus having money to set them off as a young adult (whether this is money towards training/university/car/house).

My DC go to the local comp (it's not a naice leafy one, very average). I suspect they might get better grades with a private school education. however being at the comp has given them self confidence, ability to mix and empathise with all types of people and made them part of the community in a way that a private school wouldn't have. At an anecdotal level, their same age cousins do go to private school and on the whole I see more negatives in their life experience compared to my DC, than positives.

We moved near good state school.

I'm sure huge secondary schools don't 'suit' most kids, but most don't have a choice.

Because private education is not fair.

We could afford private for our 2 DC but choose to send them to high performing state secondary. Exam results in the state school are the same as some of the local private schools. We pay a premium to live in the catchment area though, and this premium means it’s a very middle class school with involved parents. We use the money we save to invest for the DC so we can help them to get onto the housing ladder when they are ready.

We could afford private but would then have no pension. Given our state secondary is fantastic, it's not even an issue for us.

Just to stir things up a bit, and to massively generalise, I prefer the parents we know at state schools to (many of) those we've met at private schools. I have friends with children in both sectors, but on average the state school parents we know are more fun and less social climby.

Because both of us went to state schools it seemed uneccesary at first plus we didn't know we'd always have enough cash - we would always have been paying out of income.

Then the children refused to move schools / systems and my dh wasn't really on board either.

Because we'd rather spend the money on other things, which in our case included a major extension to our house that gave each child their own room, and all sorts of extra curricular stuff. I'm also under significant less pressure to work full time because we don't need money for fees. And we're still able to save into a university fund for them.

I'm 100% certain that our children are overall better off with a good quality state education and a standard of living that has allowed for all of the above. But I also recognise how lucky we are to be in an area with good state schools in easy walking distance. If the state options had been rubbish, we may have chosen to pay.

We chose to send DC to local state primary partly because we are in principle against the concept of private education, and also because we wanted them to be part of the local community, of which in our town the primary schools are a big part. Private school would have meant moving or commuting.

We have compromised our principles now, DS1 is going to a private secondary school because we weren’t happy with the local state options. We’ve also moved DS2 (year 4) to the prep school attached to it for several reasons. We would not have considered doing so any sooner, and my preference would have been to keep him in state school for primary, so had the specific reasons for moving him not been very compelling, we would have stuck with it.

Aargh posted too soon.

Also because I like that my children have a broad life experience and experience of all sorts of different people. The private schools around us are not as culturally or socially diverse.

Because my children are motivated and dh & I are able to support them with the extra curricular stuff. I believe they will learn well wherever they are.

Because private does not automatically equal better. State school teachers require qualifications that private school teachers do not (we have friends who teach at a v well respected private school. He participated in a niche sport at an Olympic level which is why they wanted him. They offered his wife, who had never expressed the slightest interest in teaching let alone trained to do so, a teaching job as part of the deal).

Mainly though because of my strong ideological beliefs in equality of education for all children.

We could afford it, but there aren't any private schools around here. Luckily there's a great state grammar school, so DS is there, happy and doing well.

For those saying it's not fair, may I ask why?
And have you genuinely made the choice based on what you perceive to be fair on others to the (possible) detriment of giving your DC an advantage?

flowery, I'd have compromised my principles too, had I genuinely believed that the private options were significantly better. Ultimately, we all do the best for our own children.

We considered it as an option and were offered a place as child was deemed academic enough post testing but chose not to as felt that there would be pressures around fitting in and ‘keeping up with the Jones’. My back ground is pretty normal/average (not from the UK) and I just couldn’t see us/my child fitting into that environment. Take a look at a few places and see if your child gets offered a placement as that may help you to make up your mind.