to ask if you can afford a 'private' school in the UK but have chosen to send your child/children to a state school why?

[Foreverexhausted]

My three year old DD has just started a nursery attached to a fee paying school. I chose the nursery because it is by far the best nursery in the area but unfortunately we can't afford to send her to the school itself as fees are £15k per year per child and we have two children.

We have friends who could afford private schooling but their children are in state schools and then others who can't afford it but are just scraping by because they like the status of children attending a private school.

Our plan was Both went to primary until yr 6 and private thereafter. Worked for the eldest who is not sporty and benefited from several good teachers. We moved the 2nd early as she was going to get yet another nqt, needed help with English and wasn’t getting it. She is so much happier now, plays lots of sport, has a dedicated arts teacher, is learning a language. most of the teachers at school have 10+ years experience. There is no doubt private schools offer so many more extracurricular activities and opportunities. In the end we did what was right for our children and where we are that is private.

My kids have done a mixture of home ed and state schools. Ds1 I think would have benefited from private / grammar. Not sure about ds2. I would definitely have looked at private though had it been an option, as the state schools where I live are pretty dire. There is a huge issue with bullying / antisocial behaviour / drugs etc, and a culture of not valuing education. Bright children aren’t encouraged to aim for top unis, and subject choices are pretty rubbish. If you live in an area with good state schools, particularly at secondary, then that’s obviously different.

Because in the area where we live the kids at the private schools tend to be the ones that didn't get into state grammars or who have special reasons to be at a school with smaller class sizes etc.
At primary I don't think it makes much difference where a child goes, also I think local primary is nice to make local friends.

We could afford private if MrNC worked all the hours and I worked too. Or had a smaller house. We prefer to have him work 9-5 flexibly and me some hours with the option to quit if health gets worse again.

Also I went private and hated having no local friends, especially as a teenager. Academically my kids will be fine but I could have done with more help with social skills, my kids need that too, and their state primary is providing it. Being in London means schools can do lots of enrichment fairly easily, more than rural preps my friends use, and that'll be more important at secondary. I'd consider private for sixth form or if dc were very unhappy, but otherwise it wouldn't be worth the sacrifices.

OP has vanished
BUT
round here a lot of the super rich send their kids to the excellent state schools
to free up money for yachts, horses and holidays

the results from the kids are the same no matter which sector they go to
(proven by the kids who move between the sectors at different levels)

We could possibly afford if we made sacrifices.

But the state schools in my area are very good.

I was moved from pillar to post as a child in a mixture of state and private (international) and I didn’t put down roots in my primary school years, did state high school. I want my children to grow up in a community. I love that we can walk to our local village school together on the days I am not working. There aren’t any articulately decent private schools nearby.

I would rather save the money and give it towards a house deposit.

I know a fair few people that have been privately educated and not many that have set the world alight in terms of career. A few have just gone back to work into family businesses running it into the ground . A few are teachers, healthcare peoffesinals etc which is fine but a state education is good enough for that.

We could probably JUST about scrape it if we had no fun, holidays, meals out, etc, etc. But I just don't see the point. If we could easily afford it on top of nice holidays etc then maybe. But we're lucky, in that A. the state schools locally are all good, and B. our children (certainly our eldest dd) are the kind of kids who are bright enough and conscientious enough to do well at any school. My brother's stepson has just turned 18, his rich great uncle has funded his private education since he was 9 at the best private school in our area and yet he has left with Ds and Cs at best, and only half an a-level. He's not completely thick, he just hasn't been brought up with enough discipline to know any better. He has literally no appreciation of the fact that it isn't 'normal' to do an hour of fencing for a PE lesson and then sit down for a three course lunch. My point is that private isn't the be all and end all. A good state school, decent parenting etc can be equally as good.

we can't afford it but grandparents have offered to pay both children for 14 years for each child.

We chose not to purely because i couldnt be certain that there would be a tangible benefit. i'd love a surgeon or a pilot in the family but as there is no guarantee that private school would achieve that, i would rather they had uni or house deposit from their grandparents.

We also live in an "aspiring" area where a lot of people are doctors and solicitors but kids still go to state schools.

Honestly the people that can afford private can afford to move to the areas with the really good state schools. I always find it amusing when people say they would never pay for private, but their kids are outstanding state schools which the premium has been paid to be in the catchment for.

There are excellent state schools in my area so I would be happy to choose state; if state schools were poor, I'd go private.

I am basically an inverse snob and therefore the idea of my kids becoming Hoorah Henrys would stop me sending them to private school. Currently, we could afford it. Being related to me is as good a start in life as they need. Also, I'm not a big fan of private schooling and it's effects on society. Finally I'd rather put the money aside and give it to them (though I won't be doing that either!).

We've done a mix of both systems for different reasons.
Our preference is state - diversity of ethnicity and economic background, ability to mix naturally with all types, less pressure to have the latest phone/clothes, less pressure to be prefect.

All schools are different though.

Less pressure to be perfect, even!

“but their kids are outstanding state schools which the premium has been paid to be in the catchment for.”

Not where I live My area is frequently described in horror on MN.

It’s different in other areas, but in London high density social housing / high density rented flats and privately owned mortgaged areas are tight up against each other within any given school catchment, so Outstanding and Good schools often have a diverse and representative intake, high Pupil Premium etc.

I don't believe in private education.

If you compare children's performance across state and private schools based on income of family (so like for like comparison of children where family income is £40k, £50k etc) then children in state schools perform better. State school children are also more likely to do well in further education because they tend to be more resilient, more independent and more accustomed to having to work at their education.

Because the local state schools are pretty good. If they were awful and I mean more the behaviour was awful & they didn't feel safe more than anything or my dc had special needs that required specialist attention - I'd send them to private school. We can afford to plug the gaps left by state school - Maths dept are awful, so we pay for a tutor.

The thing is that not all state school are equal, and neither are private schools.

My DC both went to the local village state school for primary, because I wanted them to have local friends, it would have been a long commute to any private school (vs a 3 min walk), and I felt primary school was as much about socialisation as academics.

However, for secondary, there is really only one school in the area (live rurally), so we don't particularly have much choice. We looked at a few private schools that would work for us as a family logistically. In the end we chose a small private school where our DD couldn't just blend into the background, and as it happens, she's flourished, taking part in all manner of extra-curriculars, and excelling academically. She's quite quiet and unassuming, and I think would have just got lost in the large comp (or indeed a large private).

Our DS has autism (high functioning, so mainstream schooled). He basically started to go backwards in Y5 with an inexperienced teacher and poor senco support, so we moved him to private in Y6 (same school as DD). Again, he couldn't hide in the small classes, and although he's a very different child to DD, he too is doing a variety of extra-curricular clubs. He's now in senior school, and is finding it challenging, but I don't have faith that he would have had more support in the state system, certainly our experience was that the state schools just didn't have the resources available to them. It's not perfect in the private sector either, but we can meet with the school at the drop of a hat (vs taking weeks sometimes to meet the state school teachers/sencos), which is more comforting.

What's right or wrong for my children's education really is completely irrelevant for any other children, but I consider us to be fortunate enough to be able to afford a choice. I wish there was a level playing field in education, but currently there isn't, and we've just tried to do what we think is best for our children.

Many posters are saying that the state schools their dc go to are better than private school.
In that case why is paying for private school buying advantage if they’re not as good as the free option?

Because lots of these people live in rich areas where there are better state schools.

My only option if my son with SeN slides in mainstream is to homeschool as I can’t afford private.

carrie74 are there no hf ASD units attached to state schools near you?

state school is the better option as there are no top tier private schools in our area, if marlborough college was close by then, yes, i would take up grandparents offer.

I think if we'd decided to live in a Grammar/Secondary Modern area - we'd probably have chosen private over a secondary modern.

My parents fretted over sending me to a private school, or having me schlep 30 miles to the nearest grammar, when my secondary went into special measures.

I was one of those "kids who will do well not matter what" though. Pointless to put me through the travel or them through the expense.

We could afford to go private if we made some sacrifices. Why would we when we have an amazing state school down the street? We chose our house for the great school.