to ask if you can afford a 'private' school in the UK but have chosen to send your child/children to a state school why?

[Foreverexhausted]

My three year old DD has just started a nursery attached to a fee paying school. I chose the nursery because it is by far the best nursery in the area but unfortunately we can't afford to send her to the school itself as fees are £15k per year per child and we have two children.

We have friends who could afford private schooling but their children are in state schools and then others who can't afford it but are just scraping by because they like the status of children attending a private school.

Solly, Dh is also a teacher (deputy head now) and refuses to work for a private school, and doesn’t want to send our children to a private school even though we could afford it (Because of very wise investments and savings). He often says also that it’s wrong to assume that teachers in private schools are better, as teachers in the state system can work with children with SEN, those who have English as a second language, those who have significant challenging behaviour, lower budgets, less parental support, families living in poverty, children that have been trough the care system, etc. Teachers in the private sector have fewer of these challenges; it would be extremely naive to think that they have the same challenges as teachers in state schools.

I think it would be wrong to assume that teachers in the private sector are somehow ‘better’ teachers because the results of the school is better.

Although we could afford to we're not millionaires so I think we and the children might feel a bit out of place. They do learn musical instruments and a language at the local state primary, they do sport out of school and our local comprehensive is very good. I would send them private if they were unhappy though, I'm not ideologically opposed to it, it's just not my first choice.

Tbh all schools are technically selective due to catchment areas. The thought that people think all schools are equal in the state section amuses me

This post sums it up for me

They (people at private school) had the opportunity to learn musical instruments, play a wide range of sports, learn different languages, go on amazing school trips, more choice of A level subjects, A level subjects weren't dropped if there wasn't enough interest, their teachers often had PhDs

Admittedly I got to the same university as them, and ended up with the same degree as them, but I would have loved the sort of opportunities that they had.

So private school didn't result in any more academic qualifications, just more 'experiences' which are simply a perk of wealth.

I don't agree with private schools as you generally can't carry on with a 'private life'

Those who's parents can only just afford private school often don't have the outside 'life' their very wealthy parented peers do.

Basically, if money is no object I understand private education because chances are your children will never have to 'get real' anyway.

Scrimping and saving and going without in order to pay for private school is madness IMO as 'education' is about more than just school.

To be honest, I just don’t think it’s worth the money
If there is a subject that my dcs find difficult, I just hire a tutor
I have three dcs and they are all doing very well in the state system
My eldest left a catholic state school and achieved top grades.
However, I can definitely understand why some people choose to go private

Because education ought to be a level playing field where every child has the same opportunities. I hate the idea of buying my own child advantage over others.

Also, I believe education is about more than GCSEs. My son is much less likely to learn about a diverse world in the narrow confines of a private school.

We could probably just about afford it but I would need to work FT (currently I work PT) and we would need to cut back on holidays etc

We have stuck with state for a number of reasons

1. I struggle with the 'fairness' of it and think all kids should have a high quality education, not just those with wealthy families (but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't consider it if I felt my DC were being failed by their state school)

1. We are lucky enough to have better than average state schools in the area we live and so far I do not feel either of my DC (currently Y11 & Y9) would be doing significantly better academically if they were in private schools (although I obviously have no way of knowing that)

1. I like the idea of my DC mixing with DC from a variety of backgrounds and not just those from a narrow social demographic

1. Not having grown up in the area we live in, we have developed a real sense of community and belonging where we live from sending our kids to the local state schools, if we sent then to the (less local) private school we wouldn't have this

1. I have no idea how I would have managed childcare in the extra long school holidays if my kids had been in private school (especially if I was working FT to pay for it!). Its been enough of a challenge with 12 weeks a year, working PT. Can't begin to think how you would cover 16+ weeks while working FT

Is that enough reasons for you?

It depends on your state option. We either needed to spend the money to move house into a better catchment area (which wasn’t really an area I wanted to live in) or spend the money on fees. We’ve chosen the latter but wouldn’t have done had our state option been better.

We're late adopters of state education - only really became something we wanted to do at sixth form, when catchment areas aren't an issue and therefore choices hitherto denied open up, and - crucially - the children concerned were very active in choosing the school. It's possible the (very good) GCSE exam results achieved at the private school could have been matched at the state school my son currently attends. But we'd have had to leave the house we loved and either buy something smaller or rent within the catchment area, and really, who wants to do that if they don't have to?

Because we tried sending Ds to the best private school in thecarea and it was disastrous. He is so much happier, has friends, enjoys learning & we feel like we have a proper family life now he’s at a local state school.

SollyfromSurrey - death me, calm down.

1. I’m a doctor, a consultant m, and DH is a depth head. We’ve also been fortunate to have a few significant inheritances. We can easily afford it. Thanks for the concern though!

1. DH is from a teaching family, some of his relatives (too putting to say who!) Work isn’t he private sector. They are certainly not well paid, and couldn’t cope with the stress of working in state.

Just my opinion

We could have sent DC to private school but the grammar schools get far better results and they preferred the feel of the grammar. I don't think the private schools in the area offer anything that their current school can't, (except perhaps smaller classes), but this is certainly not worth the fees we would have paid.

Bloody autocorrect...
Death=deary
depth=deputy
putting=outing

Because they're bright and academic and I want them to understand that this is enough for them to succeed if they put the work in.

Dh and I both did well in life through the state school system. It's totally possible if the schools are good enough and round here they are. If they cant succeed without the extreme privilege of private education then, frankly, they dont deserve to.

We've moved DD to a state school because the bullying at private was horrendous and denied by staff despite evidence including notes telling DD to kill herself, they weren't properly supervised, first aider missed a broken bone then lied about it (saying DD hadn't told her she was hurt, DD had and other children confirmed that) and she was getting further and further behind academically, through a combination of not concentrating well due to bullying and poor teaching, since being at state she has caught up and overtaken her peers because her teacher is amazing and she is happy. We can now afford lots of extras as well like music lessons and hobbies.

Obviously we just chose a really shit private school but point is, private is not always better than state.

In our case a few reasons.

Firstly, the local state schools, primary and secondary are very good (rated outstanding) and in terms of location were well placed for doing the school run at primary or bus service at secondary (allowing DH and I still get get to work on time).

The primary also had a great (and not exorbitantly priced) after school club associated with it, lots of activities, after school snacks (fruit, crumpets etc) that again alleviated the pressure for two working parents.

The four or so private schools within a reasonable travel distance were still a PITA to get to. Travel time for the children would have been 45 mins each way minimum.

After school/breakfast clubs were provided but very expensive. We could have covered it but it was just another issue "against" this option.

These schools also took boarders so all children went to school on a Saturday morning - even day pupils. Frankly we rather like the children and enjoy doing things together at the weekend . Tbh this was probably the biggest deal breaker for us. We'd also heard (admittedly anecdotally) that there could be friction between the day pupils/boarders.

The private school were all good (facilities/reputation/results) and I'm sure the children would have done well there. I'm not bashing private schools in the slightest.

However, we were lucky that the state option was so good and ultimately far more accessible to us overall. The kids have thrived there and I've no regrets.

Ultimately it's meant more financial security for us as the income that would have gone in fees has paid off the mortgage early. That said, had the state option not been as good we would have paid the money and gone private.

I went to private school and Oxbridge and I want my kid in state. I feel quite strongly about it - my upbringing was a very academic one and I'd like my child (on the way!) to have a more rounded experience. Obviously if they struggle academically or socially I might reconsider if a private education could help them. My view is probably made stronger by the fact DP went to his local comp and is now a high-flier and by the fact we're in catchment for great schools.

I could pay for it. I just don’t see the point when we have a perfectly good state school right on our doorstep. DD is thriving there and all her friends are local.

I went to a private school, it was OK, but I didn’t do any better there than I did in the state school. I went back to state school for my final year and didn’t really notice much difference. It really only brings an educational benefit to children who aren’t performing at their best but who have potential to do better.

Don’t have kids but when I do they will be state educated because I think it exacerbated inequality to privately educate when I could use what clout I have to advocate for state instead. That said, the state schools in my area are pretty decent so I don’t judge any parent for prioritising private education if their local state schools are terrible.

Because I am politically and philosophically opposed to private education.

ILs would have paid the fees but:
-Very good state schools in our non leafy area of S London

• Most of the private schools close by are single sex, kids wouldn’t want it, we think co-ed gives a better all round experience
• prefer the more diverse diversity of state schools
• the behaviour of private school students round here is truly obnoxious. D**c C*e boys calling state school students ‘peasants’ on the bus, W**t boys being racist to young women on the train, heard laughing about racial abuse of Uber drivers, smashing up a car in the street after a party and leaving the (state school) party host to pay for it are things I have witnessed or Dc seen.
• At the 2 locally accessible girls’ schools self harm and eating disorders respectively are rife
• of course behaviour of young people at the state school isn’t uniformly sparkling, but it doesn’t seem to set a culture that is pervasive. And no racist would last 3 seconds.

-If I suddenly had to move a child from their state school for some reason I wouldn’t swerve a private school on ideological grounds, but they are all achieving highly and thriving socially, so nothing to worry about at present.

Wow sollyfromsurrey something got your goat! Of course there are good teachers in both private and state sectors, just as there are not so good ones too. Having a Master’s or PhD is absolutely no guarantee of being a good teacher. The worst teacher I ever observed was passionate about his subject, and stratospherically able. The thing he couldn’t do, was teach. He could not impart that knowledge to his students because he was completely unable to manage their behaviour, so they had no respect for him. It’s a school in leafy Surrey, where expectations are high.

When I was teaching, one of my TAs was an absolute whizz at teaching. As an HLTA, she taught some classes and was amazing. No Master’s, no PhD, but the ability to enthuse, support, energise, entertain, impart knowledge and all the other things a competent teacher does. Incidentally when I started teaching aeons ago, there were some people on my course who couldn’t get jobs in state schools. They did, however, get jobs in private schools.

We didn’t send ours to private school for several reasons, one of which was that it would have stretched us financially, to the extent that days out, extra curricular activities, holidays and treats would all not have happened. One of mine loathed school, but I don’t think he would have enjoyed a private school any more. He enjoyed college and university much more, so achieved the same end ultimately.

People prioritise what is important to them and we should respect the choices others make.

Goingonandonandon, if you read my post I started by saying that there are great teacher in both state and private. I am not the one bashing any teachers. I was just responding to a comment regarding private school teachers being poor compared to state. How anyone with half a brain could actually suggest that teachers in one sector are categorically better than teachers in the other is beyond me. There are tremendous teachers in both sectors but as the other commenter conceded, state teachers are frequently more stressed and that can't help their situation or ability to teach. I am profoundly grateful to all the great teachers we have had and also grateful to have had DC who have been able to attend great schools that have not struggled to get teachers who specialise in their fields - something that many schools struggle to do, particularly in areas like maths and physics.

Foxyloxy1plus1 yes, you are right, something did 'get my goat'. I just get so cross with rude people who make blanket statements like 'private school teachers are not as good as state school teachers'. It's rude, it's ignorant and it is insulting to thousands of dedicated teachers.

Surely it depends on the schools in your area/ the child and their individual needs? If you have great state schools in your catchment which will suit your dc then that's very lucky. If none of the local state schools are right for your dc then private might be the best option.
And of course lots of parents choose to pay a premium to live in an expensive area where the state schools are excellent - but I'm guessing that's "fair" and "a level playing field"?

As for private schools not being better or worth the money, well that depends totally on the individual school and what your expectations might be.