To be disappointed about my DD’s future

[PookieDo]

My DD is in yr11 and until this year had not shown any interest in learning/the future. I have been trying everything to get her to focus and this year it really hit her that she had to try harder. But it’s too late. She’s not unintelligent FYI.

Her forecast GCSE grades are pretty rubbish. She’s going to scrape a 5 in English if she’s lucky. Everything else a 3 or 4.

I now don’t know what to do or how to help her. I think going on an apprenticeship isn’t always the answer. She can’t get into the 6th form with grades like this. But she has her heart now set on doing a particular BTech and a particular A Level. I don’t want to have to be the one to tell her she can’t do these (if this is the case) as she has no other plan.

I don’t even really know what the options are for her yet, not sure whether to encourage her into an apprenticeship, college, do retakes.

AIBU I’m disappointed FOR her and IN her that it will come to this and feels like it will be a hard few years ahead for her. I don’t want her in minimum wage jobs - she is demoralised enough as it is. On the other hand a lot of this is all her own fault.

If she really wants to pull her socks up is some intense tutoring not an option? She could get her grades right up?

She can only get max grade 5 as she is in all the lower exams and she needs 6’s for 6th form (except maybe the BTech)

She’s in after school tutoring almost every day right now

she'll be 16, with her whole life ahead of her, plenty of opportunities to revisit education.

Can she speak to a careers advisor at school? The shock may guide her to accept extra tuition and get her grades up.

Could she stay an extra year and retake some of her GCSEs the following summer?

At this age, it won't make a difference to her future prospects.

What are your concerns about apprenticeships? There are some pretty useless ones out there, but there are others that will set her up for life. What is she interested in?

@Ifailed

This is idealistic thought isn’t it.
How likely is it will a 16yo who has poor GCSE grades be able to further herself much. She will already be cut off from university if she can’t get A Levels and from most jobs looking for good grades

Have you looked at other sixth forms? A btec may well be possible with 4 and 5s.

Some people are just not academic, it doesn’t mean that they won’t be successful!
Your daughter will apply herself when she finds what interests her. Until then just support her. She could like dance, music, art, beauty, hairdressing, travel, animals, cars not everything involves academic subjects.

I'd be looking at re taking gcses next year. It will just put her back a year which is no big deal.

@Bombardier25966

My concern is the main ones we have seen are in childcare and I worry about exploitation - paying very low wages, she would have to pay all her own travel and no guarrantee of an actual job at the end in a career she doesn’t really want.

I would rather she did retakes I agree. I think it would be the perfect tone

Where roughly do you live? There are places like Abbey college which are sort of high intensity sixth forms where people can go to 'catch uo'

@user1457017537

She doesn’t like any of those creative things unfortunately either otherwise I might not be worrying as much!

Catch up sorry

I agree with Ifailed You need to take a step back and be supportive rather than trying to "make" her do stuff or being the voice of doom and gloom. Her future can be absolutely fine- if she wants it to and puts in the work required.

Pookie, don’t be so pessimistic. She won’t be cut off from uni. If she fails badly this year, she can re-sit and get her grades up. She can do her a-levels a year later. you don’t have To start uni at 18, but can start a year or three later.

Also, there’s far more decent apprenticeships,out there now. They often have foundation courses leading to degree courses later.

Maybe there’s a slight hiccup in her journey now, but it’s not all over.

The childcare ones are low paid (almost all will be at that age), but she would have a qualification that will get her a job in any of thousands of childcare businesses at the end.

Is she interested in a trade, or something around healthcare? There are so many more options available to her.

My son struggled through school but knuckled down and got a clean sweep of 4s. I couldn’t be prouder of him.
He’s now on a plumbing course, doing really well, with excellent prospects.
It is not the end of the road for your daughter.

@Jeanclaudejackety

South East (Essex)
That is a good idea. I think if she got an apprenticeship she would never go back to proper study. She won’t look at colleges as convinced she can get into her 6th form!

I think the best way to support her is to help her really think through what she wants, what will inspire her and also offer her a career path. In terms of the ‘how’, at 16 she’s got time to turn it around if she finds the thing she is driven enough to want to do. She could resist GCSEs for example if it is a path that requires academic quals. Do you know the book ‘what colour is your parachute?’

PookieDo My DP left school with two O levels. By the time they were 30, they had 2 degrees and was starting a PGCE to become a teacher.

It's not the end of the world, so long as your DD wants to get on, 16 is far too young to be written off.

If she’s bright and realised she wants a future, then she can work really hard until July and get better grades. Plenty of people do GCSEs in a year and get good grades. If she does this (online tutoring support or additional teaching at school might help), then it’s your job to do battle and get her enters for higher tier exams.

It’s certainly not too late. Forecasts are not accurate and are six months of exams.

Don't let her know that you are disappointed in her though. Things are the way they are and there is no turning the clock back. She needs to be able to positively move on from here.

What she needs right now is to be secure in the knowledge that you have her back and you will be there for her no matter how her life turns out.

She will get into college with 4/5s in the subjects she wants to study or even another school’s sixth form. Her school should be guiding her as to what she needs to stay on. We start this after October half term at my school. A lot of subjects don’t have tiered papers so she won’t be limited in all of them and her school should support her in changing tier if she genuinely manages to improve her performance, they’ll just want her on the one that she’ll do best on.