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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed about my DD’s future

245 replies

PookieDo · 13/10/2018 10:04

My DD is in yr11 and until this year had not shown any interest in learning/the future. I have been trying everything to get her to focus and this year it really hit her that she had to try harder. But it’s too late. She’s not unintelligent FYI.

Her forecast GCSE grades are pretty rubbish. She’s going to scrape a 5 in English if she’s lucky. Everything else a 3 or 4.

I now don’t know what to do or how to help her. I think going on an apprenticeship isn’t always the answer. She can’t get into the 6th form with grades like this. But she has her heart now set on doing a particular BTech and a particular A Level. I don’t want to have to be the one to tell her she can’t do these (if this is the case) as she has no other plan.

I don’t even really know what the options are for her yet, not sure whether to encourage her into an apprenticeship, college, do retakes.

AIBU I’m disappointed FOR her and IN her that it will come to this and feels like it will be a hard few years ahead for her. I don’t want her in minimum wage jobs - she is demoralised enough as it is. On the other hand a lot of this is all her own fault.

OP posts:
Original poster
PookieDo · 13/10/2018 12:19

I can’t afford it really but if it will help I will pay for it. I will have a look for something in half term
How do the new grades equate in employment if they are looking for C’s in maths and she has 4 - is this seen as a ‘standard pass’ although it seems a lot of courses are looking for 5’s ‘strong pass’

OP posts:
ScattyCharly · 13/10/2018 12:21

I would definitely resit the GCSEs. I don't know how you go about re-sitting Y11, but if she does indeed end up with GCSEs that aren't good enough to proceed with what she wants, then I would re-sit them. They are the foundation to all the next steps and it would probably be a good lesson for her to understand that if you skip out of studying then it comes back to bite you on the bum. If she has the capability and has finally realised she needs to work, re-sitting should work for her. But if she has realised now, she may be able to actually get the grades she needs this time around.

Original poster
PookieDo · 13/10/2018 12:21

@sashh

I really want her to do a BTech And she wants to do one too. I think I just need to find her the right educational setting.

OP posts:
Original poster
PookieDo · 13/10/2018 12:24

I resat maths GCSE twice in 6th form while I did an NVQ because I got a D. I think she would need to resit science if she gets a 3, maths I am holding out she will get a 5 if she works hard

OP posts:
Dvg · 13/10/2018 12:24

i never did my GCSE's and i did some rubbish college level 2 course, i'm now 25 with a newborn baby, a husband and earning 800k+ a year making mobile games as i self taught myself to make them with my partner.

Not all is lost, she just needs to find something to motivate her and something she is interested in, i only started 2 years ago

Oblomov18 · 13/10/2018 12:26

Definitely find out whether courses need a 4 or a 5.

Make appointment to see tutor and/or HoY ASAP. Don't wait for parents evening.

titchy · 13/10/2018 12:26

I don’t want to have to be the one to tell her she can’t do these (if this is the case) as she has no other plan.

Errrr someone needs to tell her then if she isn't aware of this. Who else is there that cares about her future if not you?

bookmum08 · 13/10/2018 12:31

Poor girl. She is probably so overwhelmed with all this (not from you OP but the whole education system). It is drummed into kids that You Must Have Good Grades to move to the next level (6th form/college etc) and you have to do Good At That to move to the next one (uni/level 3 qualification/a job etc) and you have to do Brilliant At That to actually begin your Grown Up Life. Unfortunately there is little advice or encouragement to think really want that life could be. You have said she has some subjects she wants to do - but is this because the school is basically saying you Must Pick Something. But what does she want her life to be? It isn't always about what you want to BE in life but how you want your life to be. Does that make sense? At 16 she may not have any clue what she wants to DO with her life but she must have ideas of what she enjoys and would like her future to have. For example she may have in her head that she imagines living in a house with a garden full of plants and pretty things. That is nothing to do with a career or job but joining a gardening club would teach her the skills to create a garden and meet people who have similar interests. Gardening is just an example - I am basically meaning the stuff they don't teach in schools or give a GCSE in.

titchy · 13/10/2018 12:32

It's BTEC by the way, not BTech. Sorry, bug bear of mine Smile

rubyroot · 13/10/2018 12:32

@PookieDo

It's not too late for her to achieve and grade 5s will get her into a sixth form college. However, getting into 50,000 debt at university isn't all it is cut out to be.

Unfortunately, as you've already seen apprenticeships tend to be gendered, but there must be some decent ones out there. I know someone who worked in the planning dept of a local council and started on 18,000 at 17 years old-- this was without A levels. Saying that apprenticeships that require A levels (higher apprenticeships) do tend to pay a lot better and there are more opportunities for promotion using this route

Have you tried this site?

www.gov.uk/apply-apprenticeship

Helendee · 13/10/2018 12:35

It’s a sad world if all children are expected to be high achievers and earn tons of money, surely life is worth more than that?

DeadCertain · 13/10/2018 12:36

sashh several Russel Group universities offer nursing degrees.

FaithInfinity · 13/10/2018 12:38

OP has anyone ever considered that she might have additional needs like dyslexia or dyspraxia? ‘Bright but lazy’ often comes up. I knew I was bright (think I was labelled as ‘G&T’ in primary school) but as the level of academia increased, I found it harder and harder to keep up. I’d study but feel exhausted and find my grades were never as good as I’d hoped. I was finally diagnosed with dyslexia half way through uni (after not doing as well as I’d hoped in GCSEs and having to resist at A-level). Then I got appropriate student support and extra time, my grades went from Ds/failing at uni to Bs. It’s worth considering.

SandyY2K · 13/10/2018 12:40

A Levels are not the only way to be successful academically. If she has a subject or subject area that she is interested in she can pursue a BTEC by that route with a BTEC she could still go to university if that's something she wants to do.

But it isn't just about going to university but also makes people successful some people can be very good in the vocational area that they choose and and that's what's suitable for them.

Don't write her off as having no hope at this stage because that could be very damaging for her self-esteem and confidence.

Original poster
PookieDo · 13/10/2018 12:42

@titchy

Because I don’t know if it’s 100% she can’t go to 6th form do I yet? Honestly go find something else to do this is not helpful to me

OP posts:
snowbear66 · 13/10/2018 12:44

My sister failed all her A levels then went to a local college and re-sat for a year and scraped into Edinburgh Uni to do biology then a year conversion to IT. Has a really good job now.
A year in college could be the answer although she’d have to leave her friends.

Original poster
PookieDo · 13/10/2018 12:46

Sorry to all -BTEC
Never done one wasn’t sure what they are till recently

This isn’t about getting great grades but deciding education isn’t for her and doing something else, it’s about missing out on opportunities that good grades could bring to her by getting poor grades. It’s not the same thing.

Being disappointed is also not writing her off I don’t know where I have said that. She’s limited her own future from the standard pathway available so she would need to take a whole new pathway and one I think could be more challenging. She doesn’t have learning difficulties this is a choice she’s made not to bother until now

OP posts:
DastardlyDoris · 13/10/2018 12:48

@PookieDo why are you getting so arsey with people who are taking the time to post and offer suggestions?

Original poster
PookieDo · 13/10/2018 12:51

I think the entrance criteria for 6th form make sense that you need 6 in core subjects to do A Levels but at the same time it narrows opportunities for pupils who are less academic. And they have to be educated elsewhere which I think can be daunting.

Ideal situation for her would be to stay at current school doing a BTEC but relies on needing 5’s. The school might not want her to stay due to behaviour so I need to find that out too. It’s no good me meeting 1 or 2 teachers I need a kind of full overview of her options

OP posts:
Original poster
PookieDo · 13/10/2018 12:52

@DastardlyDoris

It isn’t suggestions I am getting pissed off with it is childish fuckwit comments completely useless with no relevance. Got anything constructive to say? Great. Don’t? Then don’t

OP posts:
hibeat · 13/10/2018 12:57

RETAKE.
Some people get serious at 23, 22, 21 and finish with a Phd. She can do it. Motivation is the only thing.

Original poster
PookieDo · 13/10/2018 12:58

This is your useless contribution to my thread

*DastardlyDoris

Maybe instead of starting a new thread about your DD's shortcomings you could have added these concerns to your other recent thread about how awful she is, OP. Poor girl.*

She’s badly behaved at school and has my full parental support despite this. She’s really not been the easiest child and I have struggled with her. I do this on my own. Despite this I want the best life for her. Now stop goading me

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 13/10/2018 13:05

Does she have an idea of what type of job she'd like?

Or is there a subject at school she enjoys?

DastardlyDoris · 13/10/2018 13:11

Oh I've tried enough times on your previous threads to know not to waste my breath OP because you are invariably negative and rude to people kind enough to take the trouble to try to help you.

rubyroot · 13/10/2018 13:12

Then why BTEC and why so stuck on her going to uni and having the same 'advantages' as everyone else.

There are other options and to be honest it seems like school might not be the best environment for her.

Getting into 50,000 worth of debt to compete for graduate jobs (50 applicants per position- at least!) isn't always the best opportunity! Especially if your child has to do BTEC as she will then be competing against people who have A levels etc.

There have been many articles published that suggest those who go on to higher apprenticeships are actually on more money than those who go to university and pay 50000 for the privilege. It's not necessarily the right path for everyone, why don't you look at the other options?