To be disappointed about my DD’s future

[PookieDo]

My DD is in yr11 and until this year had not shown any interest in learning/the future. I have been trying everything to get her to focus and this year it really hit her that she had to try harder. But it’s too late. She’s not unintelligent FYI.

Her forecast GCSE grades are pretty rubbish. She’s going to scrape a 5 in English if she’s lucky. Everything else a 3 or 4.

I now don’t know what to do or how to help her. I think going on an apprenticeship isn’t always the answer. She can’t get into the 6th form with grades like this. But she has her heart now set on doing a particular BTech and a particular A Level. I don’t want to have to be the one to tell her she can’t do these (if this is the case) as she has no other plan.

I don’t even really know what the options are for her yet, not sure whether to encourage her into an apprenticeship, college, do retakes.

AIBU I’m disappointed FOR her and IN her that it will come to this and feels like it will be a hard few years ahead for her. I don’t want her in minimum wage jobs - she is demoralised enough as it is. On the other hand a lot of this is all her own fault.

If she can get grade 4 or over in maths and English that's fine, that's what I would focus on, and she has options for vocational courses without the stress of having to retake maths and English.

Not all countries test 16 year olds because it’s a rubbish way of testing their future academic ability. Your DD has time to turn this around.

I quit school and went and studied acting - and then ended up in hospitality - shock horror! Ended up travelling the world for 10 years living in amazing cities, not aking heaps of money but having a wild life, came home in my thirties and went to uni through a bridging course, graduated in a whole new field and now I have a great job with awesome prospects and good pay. There world can go in so many ways, there are so many opportunities for different types of good life.
My mum always supported me and admired my tenacity event though she couldn't always understand my choices, and that has made such a difference, and I bloody love her for it too.
You can support your daughter even if she takes a couple years to find her feet, lots of us have no idea what we're good at at 16!

Right OP in the nicest possible way you need to get in your DD's corner and stop being so negative! It's not too late. My DD had a similar problem with DGS - predicted all D's and E's in his GCSEs - bright but lazy boy. She went out and bought the CGP revision guides for all of his subjects at October half term of YR 11 [so about now in terms of your DD.] and told him not to worry, just learn as much as possible from the guides. She helped him make a plan for realistic learning over the following six months - he used these books to LEARN from not for revision a bit like a text book really. He got all B's and C's and surprised himself and everyone else, went on to sixth form and is now doing an engineering apprenticeship because he didn't want to go to university as not very devoted to book learning. There is always hope OP but your DD will be able to sense that you have given up on her so please try not to concentrate on the school's predictions they can be wide of the mark but you need to act now. Good luck.

If it helps not all apprenticeships are practical. My husband works in a software company and they offer apprenticeships and all 4 of the young people have done really well and gone on to permanent (well paid) jobs in the company.

Thanks for the good and helpful advice

It’s normal to worry about your child when they aren’t motivated or achieving there is only so much I can do to help. If people find it insulting I want my child to have opportunities and not have to scrape by then

I didn’t go to uni
I didn’t get A Levels
I’m an adult learner whilst I work
I’ve also had to rely on a low income as a single parent all my adult life
I do not want DD to follow in these footsteps
I had no parental support at 16 and she has my full support and encouragement
She’s made bad decisions re schooling up till now

It’s fucking hard as an adult to then go back and do it, never said it was impossible but this is her chance now while she’s young to make the best of her opportunities. I’m disappointed she may start adult life off on the back foot and get demoralised by it.

Youth mental health problems, poverty, low income, poor living outcomes we all know that having a good solid education and opportunities can help overcome some of these problems. I just want the best for her.

Apprenticeships that I have looked into locally are not in areas she wants to work (childcare hairdressing) disappointed these are a bit limited. Also no guarrantee of a job at the end of it and seem incredibly low wages and almost exploitative IMO

"I don’t want to have to be the one to tell her she can’t do these (if this is the case) as she has no other plan."

So...who is going to tell her then, if you won't?
(Although presumably school have told her, or will do, as well.)

Wow how positive you are OP!
Your DD has many opportunity's available to her, I think an interview with the college career advice team would help.

So your dd wants to do childcare or hairdressing? Then look at what can get her do do these things. Childcare doesn't always have to be low paid. Some live in nannies make a very good living.

I was (am) disappointed by DS's choices but it's his life & he's finding his own way which isn't terrible. I understand where you're at so trying to say this kindly: You're Projecting too much. Your powers are limited & this is her path to find. Need to do what you can & otherwise detach.

OP what are you actually wanting people to say? Lots of people have given you optimistic scenarios and you have dismissed them all, which seems to be a feature of your threads. No-one can wave a magic wand and change the reality of how things currently stand. Do you just want somewhere to moan?

You are definitely not unreasonable to want a better future for your dd - especially if you didn't get the education and earning potential yourself and know how hard it can be.

Anyone who pretends they are fine about their children entering the adult world ill equipped to do well are full of bullshit.

I would recommend tutoring the hell out of her for this year and seeing if she can do a bit better than hoped. Many 6th forms and colleges to retake gcse maths and English as a matter of course for students who fall under the pass mark.

Don't be too disheartened - there are lots of apprenticeships and on the job training that are very valuable, and if she feels more motivated as a young adult there are access to learning courses all over the place- university is not over if that's what she wants later.

OP, going to uni and getting a degree is not the be all and end all. I was clever when in school but hours of revision essays and classrooms did absolutely nothing for me. I left at 16 yes with GCSEs but i didn't want to do A levels. I took a year out and did some cleaning jobs. I did an apprenticeship at 17 in Light Vehicle Maintenece and Repair (to be a mechanic) and got a Level 2 NVQ out of it. I didnt carry on to level 3. I got a job as a sales advisor for a car parts company and commuted 2hrs a day to make it work. I only got this job due to my NVQ as being a woman in the motor trade 6 years ago was fairly unheard of and without relevant experience I wouldn't have stood a chance. 6.5 yrs later I run my own branch with 25 employees and take home 48k per annum. At 26. It is double my sister who went to uni and earns the average UK salary with a good degree and thousands in student debt. My brother messed around until 21 doing nothing but min wage jobs always sacked because he was late etc. Then did a plumbing apprenticeship and now earns very decent money. Your daughter may just not be switched on my academic learning. If you think she is immature getting a job, out in the real world will probably do wonders for her confidence.

OP. I completely understand your last post. It is harder as an adult but if a person is really committed to pursuing a particular path, they will find a way. Lots of people with good degrees go down the long and sometimes difficult road of a career change later.

I feel bad for her and upset on her behalf. School are being vague. I don’t have the parents evening until November when I will ask all these questions. Is it realistic to think between now and May she can go from a 3 to a 5 in science or 3 to 6 in other subjects?

I looked on apprenticeships 10 mile radius from where we live gov website

Out of 70, almost all were in some kind of car garage, timber yard, gardening, nursing home type places except 1 in Newlook retail which she probably would do

Accountancy has only recently started describing its school leaver training programmes as apprenticeships, so those locally to you may not be branding them as such, but it's the same thing.

Lots of people go into accountancy at 16 or 18 without a levels or degrees, and work whilst studying for their exams. Graduates going into accountancy still have to sit the same exams, and once qualified nobody cares if you were a graduate or not. Everybody who wants to qualify as an accountant has to go through 3 years minimum of on the job training and exams.

Accounting qualifications cover business knowledge, analysis, law, etc as well finance. AAT or CAT would be the starting point. Those are technician level. If she wanted, after passing those she would be eligible to move onto exams to achieve chartered status (ICAEW, ACCA, ICAS, CIMA... Depending on where she wants to go from there). She could work in industry or practice, in the UK or abroad.

There are more options out there than I think you realise.

@DastardlyDoris

No some of the practical advice is very useful actually from parents who have been in the same situation

No it should have said she doesn’t want to work in childcare or hairdressing. I don’t have anything against it and nor does she but she would probably be more interested in retail if it was an apprenticeship.

Ideally she wanted to work in the police force at one point but has gone off the idea. She realises she needs computer skills now and hers are quite basic. She’s really interested in psychology and sociology as she gets older and seems interested in mental health/psychology now

What BTEC is she interested in?

One thing to bear in mind is that some apprenticeships require a minimum of x, y or z grades so you would need to look into this now and see if the apprenticeship route she would like to take will even offer her a place based on her predicted.

College courses embed English and maths qualifications (FS or GCSE depending on her final grades) as part of the course so she would have that as an option

I will now sit her down and tell her we do need to look around the colleges, she’s totally ruled them all out as heart set on staying where she’s is in 6th form. School are saying to her on forecast grades maybe only a BTech is possible. Which is better than nothing. But relies on good core subject grades too.

I really hate the location of a nearby college it is in a truely horrible increasingly dangerous town but it might be a good college.

Further than that she’s going to have to travel a bit (maybe what puts her off) also college is not as structured as School 6th form so she would have to make the effort to attend.

I will also talk to her about apprenticeship but only if it’s something she actually wants to do

My sister retook GCSE’s, repeating a year and then went on to University and is a very successful accountant now, don’t wrote her of. Keep up with the tutoring and maybe consider reducing the number of subjects for this year?

BTech in business studies! Of which she has no experience

If you could possibly afford it my dc benefitted greatly from doing an intensive revision course during the school holidays- if nothing else they have so sit and work for those hours but actually the tutors can identify and work on key issues very quickly.

If she feels she has failed at this school, and her history there does sound poor, perhaps a fresh start at a new college to do some resits would be a way forward if she can’t turn this around now?

If she likes retail then when her exams re done she needs to get herself some work in that environment and really get a feel for it. Shopping is, after all, somewhat different to working in retail. If she does well that would stand her in excellent stead for a training programme.

You sound so nice, I’m sure many parents would have washed their hands of her academic future by now. Your support will really make a difference in her finding the right solution.

This is idealistic thought isn’t it.
How likely is it will a 16yo who has poor GCSE grades be able to further herself much. She will already be cut off from university if she can’t get A Levels and from most jobs looking for good grades

Having taught a LOT of BTEC actually her chances are quite good. She may have to start with a Level 2 BTEC before going on to a 2 year Level 3 extended diploma but IMHO BTEC is a better prep for some careers than A Level.

My subject (one of them) is Health and Social Care, all students have to do placements in health or care settings (occasionally child care), sometimes this leads directly to a job. Most go to uni, not Russell group, but then can you do nursing at a Russel group?

They have learned how to research, plan their work, reference and go onto mainly do nursing, some do midwifery and a few become physiotherapists the odd one something else eg operating theatre practitioners.

GCSEs and A Levels are not the only route to a good career.