To be disappointed about my DD’s future

[PookieDo]

My DD is in yr11 and until this year had not shown any interest in learning/the future. I have been trying everything to get her to focus and this year it really hit her that she had to try harder. But it’s too late. She’s not unintelligent FYI.

Her forecast GCSE grades are pretty rubbish. She’s going to scrape a 5 in English if she’s lucky. Everything else a 3 or 4.

I now don’t know what to do or how to help her. I think going on an apprenticeship isn’t always the answer. She can’t get into the 6th form with grades like this. But she has her heart now set on doing a particular BTech and a particular A Level. I don’t want to have to be the one to tell her she can’t do these (if this is the case) as she has no other plan.

I don’t even really know what the options are for her yet, not sure whether to encourage her into an apprenticeship, college, do retakes.

AIBU I’m disappointed FOR her and IN her that it will come to this and feels like it will be a hard few years ahead for her. I don’t want her in minimum wage jobs - she is demoralised enough as it is. On the other hand a lot of this is all her own fault.

I am 35 and in my second year of uni. Her educational opportunities are far from over.

I've skimmed the thread.
My DD did BTEC Travel & Tourism and is now currently doing a EYE Nursery Apprenticeship.

I think a BTEC sounds the way to go. 4s and 5s won't make for successful A levels, but working hard across 2 years on an Extended BTEC Diploma could end up with enough USAS points for a vocational related uni course, and will be more employable than someone with eg 3 Ds at A level.

Go and look at colleges Anything you can get to within say 1hr travel time. There is a massive range of courses available. Think what her interests are, and her skills and see what matches up. if she won't go, then go on your own, and keep prospectuses, compile your own short lists. Possibly even apply on her behalf, it doesn't commit you to anything. At least as and when she engages you will have the info.

Apprenticeships vary. You need to check what qualification they lead to and whether it is a 'required' qualification (e.g. the childcare) or not (e.g. customer service).

Consider posting in Secondary Education too.

Sorry wrong thread! Hate using the app but mobile site still not working

I haven’t RTFT so apologies now. I totally get why you’re frustrated but look, it doesn’t mean the end of everything. I dropped out of school BEFORE my GCSES. I would love to say I’m a go-getting hard worker but I’m not. I still ended up having a career in the media and working for a national (BIG) newspaper. I apologised to my mum recently for the stress I put her through and she said she wished she hadn’t stressed out so much - which is totally not having to do it now because if she hadn’t have done, wow... - but just there isn’t a whole lot you can do. It doesn’t have to be the worst thing ever. Though my god if you can push her to do her best and she’s receptive to that, do it! I’m never going to tell my DC about my school fuck to until they’re far past that.....

Sorry I do know that isn’t hugely helpful.

Basically, what @Alpacanorange said.

My sister in law was like this. FIL was so exasperated, he couldn't be in the same room!
She got a job in a factory at 16, packing stuff in boxes. Loved having some money.
She became friends with an older woman who told her that she was bright and wasting her life. She had just matured enough to listen.
She got a new job in an insurance company, got in house qualifications and became quite successful.

How likely is it will a 16yo who has poor GCSE grades be able to further herself much.

If it's true that, in the UK, results you get at 16 will set the course for the rest of your life, then I am even more glad than normal that I live in Australia.

But I suspect that you're catastrophising, which will not help your daughter a jot. If you make it seem like there's no point in trying because she's already fucked up her life, then what do you expect her to do?

Your life does not depend on what qualifications you get at school, there are so many ways you can revisit education at anytime in your life, so many ways to get qualifications up to degree level with out having to do the GCSE, Alevel, Degree route.
There is the open university, professional qualifications, evening classes, all open to people of all ages and abilities.

I also know people who didn't do well at school who have gone on to successfully run their own business, and others who are happy just paying the bills and just living, they're happy.

Don't panic yet, she's still young and can still be happy and successful in life she just might not do it in the way that is the norm.

Don't worry, it's not the best but she could maybe take a year to re-do them next year she's so young she can turn this around.
I wasn't really very academic, but I was a child carer so that was my main focus, however somehow got into college (btec) which gave me enough points for uni, however it wasn't my degree that made me susessful, it was making good decisions and being brave and having guts in different areas, opportunitys arise xx

My little brother left school at 16 and started an accountancy apprenticeship. He’s now 23 and getting over £30,000 in the civil service.

Don't panic! GCSE's really aren't such a big deal. I didn't get the GCSE's I needed due to being uninspired by school/a bit of a shit. But after some time off, travelling and soil searching I discovered a passion and went to a college interview and spoke to them face to face. I was honest and they liked it. I discussed my interests and they saw that I was pretty bright and just wanted another chance. I got in and never looked back - my GCSEs haven't been mentioned again, I've gone to universitt and got a career I love. However, another option is that a college and university education is increasingly unimpressive to employers. Everyone has a degree these days, in some nonsense normally, and the university experience seems to be (in my experience) loads of partying, a few lectures a week (even if I attended full time I was only in class about 3 times a week, no more than 2 hours at a time!) And then the odd few days before a deadline of working frantically hard! Now more and more employers value experience. Voluntary experience, internships, work experience. There are SO many things she can do. The whole world is ahead of her! If it's realistically affordable I'd get her on a volunteering abroad programme (lots of very safe experiences by professionally run companies for great causes! Everyone I know who did this, including myself, came back hugely motivated, whether it was to work in a field they'd volunteered in, to work in the charity sector, or because seeing such a different way of life can make kids really appreciate the opportunities they've got). It's a wonderful experience for after school. Then I'd get her into some voluntary programmes (alongside a part time job so she can pay her way a bit). You can visit do-it.org to find volunteer opportunities in your area. Sometimes charities go on to employ volunteers, sometimes it's just great experience. And maybe an internship would work for her too - have you looked at what's available? As well as these things giving her some great experience, any colleges and universities she applies for in future will also love it. I work in the education field and have witnessed first hand many very academically capable students being turned away from some great universities because they don't have enough "life experience". Often now people are told to go away, travel, volunteer, get some "life experince" and then come back to reapply in a year. I honestly believe that volunteering, work experience and travel/life experience will set your daughter apart much more than some good GCSE grades. In my experience this is very much the case, anyway.

Another thing I would say is don't be negative. If she's like me then she's probably already feeling like shit and anxious. Let her know all the things that she CAN do, all the chances that she still has, and make sure she knows that she hasn't messed up and it will all be fine. My mother was very forceful and demanding and unsupportive and it really permanently damaged my relationship with her and also knocked my confidence a LOT.

My friend's daughter ( who I mentor a bit), left school with 5 mediocre GCSEs and no maths. She went to college and did an HNC (equivalent to 2 A levels) as well as working PT in a supermarket for cash. She had to retake her maths several times which she really worked hard at as she had realise by then that without it she wouldn't be awarded the HNC. Then she lounged around for a year working PT in a supermarket. Finally she realised she didn't want to be doing this as a job forever so applied to university herself. She is doing well there now. It took her a couple of years but she did sort herself out.

Her mum was tearing her hair out for a while though

Sounds very similar to my DD, @PookieDo

Your daughter can re-sit her GCSEs don't forget. Mine did to get her English and .Maths to grade C or above. It's really stressful and have been through rough times with her as she's working zero hour and has no career path planned. You can DM me for in-depth discussion if you wish.

She will be able to continue and do what she wants at the local college.
If she doesnt get the grades for an extended level 3 course, she can do level 2 for a year and progress. She gets 3 years of free tertiary level education.
Keep her confidence up and focus on that.

At 16 my daughter and her DH left school with terrible exam results. As 22 because of hard work they bought their own house after saving a £14k deposit in 8 months. It is not your circus, let your daughter make her own life and don’t worry about her. Sixth form is not the be all and end all of a persons life. Whet is wrong with Btec exams anyway.

I think you are not looking wife enough for apprenticeships they range from digital marketing to pharmacy dispenser, business management to the traditional childcare and trades. Apprenticeships don't necessarily just get you a level 3 qualification they can become a higher level apprenticeship my DP was apprentice to level 6 (degree) and I was to level 7 ( post-grad),
DP in fact left school with not a qualification to his name ( he didn't actually go to the exams) he did an apprenticeship, then a higher level apprenticeship and is now a key opinion leader in his field.

@Lonecatwithkitten

I’m looking within a reasonable travel distance. It has to be practical

@SimplySteve

Thanks I will, I think that you get what I am trying to say

@Wherearemycarkeys

I’m not being negative to her I’m being negative on mumsnet

I am not going to feel guilty or bad for wanting my child to make the most of their free education period

If she wanted to travel she could travel but she doesn’t really want to do much of anything. The fact she wants to stay in 6th form is the first thing she’s actually expressed a desire to do. So I want to help make it happen if I can!

My dh is 43 and a director in a global company earning well into the six figures . He admittedly is very bright but didn't have much support and a broken home. He did well at gcse but struggled at college . He left after 6 months and started an apprenticeship at 16 and has worked his way up . It is doable albeit not the normal way to do things .

I have a friend who went back to colllege to do one year 'intruduction to nursing' which got her into university and now she is starting her career as a nurse. She was 29 with 2 kids when she went back to school. As ppl said don't write a 16y year old off!

10 miles at 16, large numbers of the sixth form students round here travel 30-40 miles to college each day. My DD's first choice will involve 15 mins to the station, 30 min train ride and then 15 min bus ride. She is already doing that at 14 for the colleges prep courses.

Traveling to college with other students is not the same as commuting 40 Miles by yourself whe you have never had a job before

We are going to look at a 6th form and regional college which is 1 hour commute away in a city. I believe they run buses