To be disappointed about my DD’s future

[PookieDo]

My DD is in yr11 and until this year had not shown any interest in learning/the future. I have been trying everything to get her to focus and this year it really hit her that she had to try harder. But it’s too late. She’s not unintelligent FYI.

Her forecast GCSE grades are pretty rubbish. She’s going to scrape a 5 in English if she’s lucky. Everything else a 3 or 4.

I now don’t know what to do or how to help her. I think going on an apprenticeship isn’t always the answer. She can’t get into the 6th form with grades like this. But she has her heart now set on doing a particular BTech and a particular A Level. I don’t want to have to be the one to tell her she can’t do these (if this is the case) as she has no other plan.

I don’t even really know what the options are for her yet, not sure whether to encourage her into an apprenticeship, college, do retakes.

AIBU I’m disappointed FOR her and IN her that it will come to this and feels like it will be a hard few years ahead for her. I don’t want her in minimum wage jobs - she is demoralised enough as it is. On the other hand a lot of this is all her own fault.

How likely is it will a 16yo who has poor GCSE grades be able to further herself much

I stopped reading after this. You don’t sound very kind tbh.
She is 16 years old, she has the rest of her life to find something she’s good at. I did terrible at school, then I did terrible at college, I passed my English and that’s it, everything else I failed and between the ages of 18 and 21 I attempted to take my own life several times because my future seemed so bleak. But I had support from the people around me instead of being told how unlikely it is Id be able to make something of myself. Now, 22 years later, I’m running my own business and am so good at what I do I teach others!

It took me a long time to get there but with the right support I did get there and once I was there I excelled! Support your dd and help her find what she’s good at instead of giving up on her because she doesn’t meet your expectations academically!

OP, encourage her to work towards getting the best results she can achieve next summer and then retake GCSE’s the following year.

I was underachieving at that age too. I worked decently paid of ok jobs for 10 years then went back to study. Doing quite well for myself now to and pursuing a Masters.

If she's motivated now then get her to repeat otherwise let her get on with it, expect her to get a job/ any job and whatever you do don't let her think that it's the end of the world and that she'll "never amount to anything". If she's as smart as you say let her surprise you.

She’s just sixteen. And uni is IMO overrated. Not that it’s not relevant for the right course etc but far too many teens go off to university to do a degree in some subject or whatever just to be able to say they have a degree.

Currently university is seen as the be all and end all, but with tuition fees etc on the rise that attitude is going to have to change over the coming years anyway and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Far too many employers with “must have a degree” on their applications. Not a specific degree just a degree to prove that you have one.

And in truth how many people choose their life-long career path at sixteen and never look back? Very few I’d say unless you’re extremely specialised and become a surgeon or the like.

She will find her way.And if she’s doing low paid jobs in the meantime so what? She’s far more likely to get her motivation out there in the real world as she grows up, and it’s never too late to study if that’s what she really wants to do.

I wouldn’t stress too much now. She’s so young. FWIW, it is possible to make a decent career when you don’t have good GCSE grades. It just takes more work. Access courses are brilliant. I did one (and I had crap GCSEs and a NVQ in beauty therapy) and I got accepted into multiple universities for psychology. I didn’t actually go in the end because it wasn’t right for me at the time but I’m still friends with people who did further their education after an acces course and all have ended up in their chosen fields. Best thing about access courses is that they are for adults/older teens so everyone who do them are there because they want to be there and not because they are forced

My big brother fouled up his GCSEs badly - he got 2 Cs for English and failed all the others. But he retook several at college, then did A-levels and as an adult had a great job as an IT consultant, earning more than I do with a PhD and A grades for all my GCSEs and A levels. So it’s definitely not the end of the world if she needs to do resits.

It's normal to be worried, and it's normal to want the best for your child, so I wouldn't see your concerns as a lack of faith.

Another option that could be possible are evening classes for A-Levels or equivalent qualifications, after the GCSEs come through.

My school didn't offer Sociology as an A-Level, which is what I wanted to study at University, so I did it as an evening class at the other local secondary, working with adult learners and I think one other teen. It was actually really nice and motivating to be in a class with adults - I was a lot more mature and it really helped me focus on the subject. There was also no prerequisite grades to study an evening class, because it was entirely on my own back if I passed or failed - the school didn't care because those results don't enter the league tables, it's just a bit of extra income for them.

It was also one evening less per week when I was hanging around in the town centre, if that matters!

I got my degree in my thirties off the back of my healthcare certificate, not my school results. Effectively I worked up to where I am now. The company I now work for offer apprenticeships for a variety of roles and the age range I work with are 17 y/o school levers to 50-odd y/o life changers. Some of the 17 y/o have been challenging- NONE of them are mature enough to cope with our heavy industry workplace but it works out with patience and tolerance. Teens are resilient as well as ignorant. The apprenticeship is supposed use the former while addressing the latter.

My DSS has just quit his job at 30 to pursue an apprenticeship in joinery. He did well at school went to and dropped out of university because he was pressured to well academically rather than than the career path he really wanted to do. He’s had 10 years of misery as a result.

Keep positive, support your DD and encourage her to research her options always. She’ll find her her own path - but it has to be her own path.

Last year I withdrew my son from high school at the end of our year ten equivalent. (In the UK but not England so he wasn’t studying for GCSEs at that point). He covered the whole international GCSE syllabus in August - May in 6 subjects and sat the exams as a private candidate. He got all A*-B (9-6) grades. I’m not saying that home ed is the answer for your dd, but just that if it can be done from scratch in a year, then there is no reason your dd can’t turn her grades around. No all subjects are tiered anyway, but if your dd shows that she’s turning things around you could ask the school to enter her for higher tier in eg maths. She should have mocks coming up as well? Which would prove to the school that she’s doing better?

Look into getting into nannying. Especially in london, good money there. And as others have said, 16 is so young to write off her life. If she is motivated enough to make a difference to her grades then your support will be invaluable

I didn’t do very well the first time but then resat and went to university to do paediatric nursing. At 16 it’s really not the end of the world and now she just needs to do her best, work hard and get your full love and support

OP, you need to organise a meeting with the 6th form tutors and DD with you there too. She needs to hear from them that she is not likely to be able to stay at her current school with her predicted grades.

Then you can say 'Let's go round the local 6th form colleges/Further ed colleges JUST IN CASE'. Print off their prospectuses and leave them on the kitchen table.

*Not all subjects

Academia is overrated for a start. My DH, Oxford degree plus post grad, earns less than a friend who has a manual trade job. The friend has a house twice the size of ours, and he has never struggled to find work.
My clever friend who decided to do plumbing rather than someth8ng academic, as he is practical too and wanted to be self employed, has been able to easily relocate, can get work anywhere, has never been without work as he is good at his job, reliable and nice. He earns a really good wage, whereas I know people with decent degrees who have really struggled to get work after university. University really isn’t the right path for everyone and getting work experience, learning a job from the bottom up, or learning a trade, can give better career security and flexibility.
So don’t focus on a degree as being the means to earning a decent wage or career security. An apprenticeship might be a far better idea.

Have school actually had to submit her for any level paper yet? I didn't think that happened until nearer the exams - most schools haven't even done mocks yet.

There is a good chance if she's able and puts the effort in they'll see she is capable of higher papers and submit her for those.

I'll give you some perspective. My DH has not one single GCSE. He left school at 16 and worked his way up. Now in his 30s, he has vocational qualifications and earns more than his school friends who went to university.

My sister dropped out of school due to illness at 15. She went to college and did her GCSEs, then a-levels, then went onto university and got a first.

I know it's a different world now, but it's really not the end of the world for her. She has options. Surely she can re-take her GCSEs as a start?!

It's not the end of the world. You say she has realised herself that she needs to work harder. That's the best thing to have happened. Her school will tell her what her options are and it might be better coming from them. In the meantime, support her to get the best grades possible and revisit in August, but keep all options open until then. I was told to give up Sociology A level as I would possibly scrape a D. It frightened me and I worked hard in 2nd year of 6th form and got an A. Btw my highest grade at O' Level was a B!

Re-takes are a good option, when she moves through the education system (if that's what she wants) she can "sell" this decision as having learned a valuable lesson lesson etc Also a lot of bright kids go to do A-Levels or attend uni having not learned that lesson and waste their time and mess up grades at a much higher level. She's learning this lesson now.

My cousin left school with a handful of low grade GCSEs. A few years later she did an access course and is now in the second year of her degree. Her route to where she wants to be was a little longer and trickier than if she'd done well at school but she still got there.

The thing is, most people do not have glittering, glamorous, high flying careers. The majority of people in the UK earn under £24k and have jobs - not careers. 50% of school leavers do not gain 5 A-C grades (old money) including maths and English so the likelihood of being able to launch into a well paying career are low.

Nobody aspires to work in a shop or office admin job but that it what most people end up doing and there is nothing wrong with working any job and paying ones way in life. There are also other ways to find meaning in happiness outside the working life.

I think we need to be more realistic with young people. They aren’t going to be insta famous, footballers, pop stars or be earning 6 figure salaries.

Your DD can of course do retakes and go onto do A Levels or to go to university but that’s no guarantee of success or happiness in life. Many graduates are working retail these days.

I think you are being unreasonable OP, to state you are dissapointed in your childs future

Let her do it her way. It is her life

I don't know if someone else has said this but there are no longer tiered entries so she isn't limited to lower grades. Is she academically capable? If so it's not too late, she can ask teachers for extra learning, use gcse pod etc

Maybe instead of starting a new thread about your DD's shortcomings you could have added these concerns to your other recent thread about how awful she is, OP. Poor girl.

@pookiedo I'm currently on track to be earning £49kpa from 2020 and before I just retrained I worked my way up in business from Receptionist to national H&S manager over 6yrs. I'm also doing a part time degree now at 32yrs old 'for fun' - all after leaving school with a few B's and Cs and a D/E.

You can return to Education at any age. Retrain at any age. University IMO shouldnt be for teenagers. It should be for people in their 20's who have experienced life and the working world and have figures out what they want to do.

An 18yr old rarely knows what they want from life and a 16yrold even less so.

You're under the impression that most people who go to Uni use their degree in their desired field. Bollocks do they.

How likely is it will a 16yo who has poor GCSE grades be able to further herself much. She will already be cut off from university if she can’t get A Levels and from most jobs looking for good grades

Not true at all. I did abysmally in GCSE’s. I went to college and did a BTEC and then to university to get a BA Hons.