To be disappointed about my DD’s future

[PookieDo]

My DD is in yr11 and until this year had not shown any interest in learning/the future. I have been trying everything to get her to focus and this year it really hit her that she had to try harder. But it’s too late. She’s not unintelligent FYI.

Her forecast GCSE grades are pretty rubbish. She’s going to scrape a 5 in English if she’s lucky. Everything else a 3 or 4.

I now don’t know what to do or how to help her. I think going on an apprenticeship isn’t always the answer. She can’t get into the 6th form with grades like this. But she has her heart now set on doing a particular BTech and a particular A Level. I don’t want to have to be the one to tell her she can’t do these (if this is the case) as she has no other plan.

I don’t even really know what the options are for her yet, not sure whether to encourage her into an apprenticeship, college, do retakes.

AIBU I’m disappointed FOR her and IN her that it will come to this and feels like it will be a hard few years ahead for her. I don’t want her in minimum wage jobs - she is demoralised enough as it is. On the other hand a lot of this is all her own fault.

Any good?

www.princes-trust.org.uk

The GCSE application paperwork should not have been submitted yet. In theory she should be able to sit an exam that enables her to get a 6. The school will point out that she hasn't covered the entire curriculum, but if you and she show a serious intention to sit down and self-study the parts she has missed, then they might agree. Only go down this route if you are sure she is prepared to put in the work. It won't be much fun playing catch up, but it is possible. Equally, people can have success without top grades, so the other approach is to consider where her interests and skills lie and focus on that.

Is is possible to do an intensive online GCSE course in 1 or 2 subjects that she is strong in and that relate to the A-level she wants to do. If she is now stuck with the lower tier entry is it possible to enter as a private candidate with a different exam board (look up fast track GCSE courses) assuming no coursework required. I dont know if this is possible but worth investigating if she is really keen - it would show determination and potential to stay in the 6th form. It is the A-levels that mater for university.

If she’s bright, she has plenty of time to turn things around between now and May. Have you got any revision materials for her? CGP do great books tailored to each exam board. For sciences I recommend getting the Revision Guide and the Exam Style Workbook for each one, reading up on each topic then doing some practice questions on it. For maths, depending on which board she’s doing there’s usually a Revision Guide, a Workbook and an Exam Style Workbook. If she can do one topic a week in each subject between now and May she’ll be in a really strong position. As she’s finding it hard to use something so big and far away as motivation, can you come up with a way to motivate her for smaller tasks? A way of celebrating each topic revised, or if her school is doing regular tests then some reward for good marks in tests. There are plenty of adults who need their motivation broken down into smaller chunks, never mind teenagers.

I was bright but lazy at school (and beyond tbh) and while my results were better, they were nowhere near great. I screwed my a levels up royally. I got a job in retail, then marketing for a few years before going back to uni at 23. I was in a far better place to choose what I wanted to do then, and apply myself.

OP, please don't write your daughter off this tender age! It is better to do well at school but I hate this idea that if you don't then it's game over. There's every chance she'll be a late bloomer and the importance of a formal education will click later. If not, plenty of people go on to do well without great qualifications.

I was going to say it is no wonder children today are so stressed if this is the pressure being put on them by parents. But then I read your last post and you must be at the end of your rope, and worried to boot. I had one that wouldn't work and thought he would just cruise through A levels. It is so frustrating when you know they are bright but they won't work, and still think it will all be fine. Nothing I said made any difference. In the end I think the shock of missing his grades and having to go through clearing made him wake up. He got into somewhere decent luckily, had a great time, came out with a 2:1 and is now doing fine.

This is one of those times when as a parent you need nerves of steel and you have to perhaps let her find out for herself that what you've been saying all this time is actually true. She will be upset and you will be worried, but you will be there to pick up the pieces and there will be options.
Good luck. They don't tell you about this bit in the baby manuals!

Get her to repeat this year, definitely.

And fwiw, I got into university aged 28 after hating school my entire time there and leaving at 15. Her fate isn’t sealed at 16.

What BTEC/A-levels does your DD want to do?

DS got a U in English literature yr11 mocks in ... January? Because he was clueless how to answer the questions. STILL No revision but he paid more attention to teacher explaining exam technique after that.
He got an A in the actual course/final exam (thank goodness).
They can pull rabbits out of hat.

Sounds like she's had a good scare & is motivated now. I spent time explaining to DS how poor GCSEs could close off certain pathways, and to aim for As so at worst he'd slip to C.

Is there only one 6thFCollege in your area? Only a few around here demand as high as 6x6 or 7+ in every A-level subject. Most are less demanding. We are relatively rural in England, but still have 6+ SixFC choices within 1 hour travel time each way.

Qualifications are not everything, despite what universities would have us believe...

I left school at 16 (yes I had good grades) but due to issues at home I needed to get a job to support myself.

I worked my way up through various jobs, got on training schemes through work and finally my degree, again through evening classes, I got my foot in the door with what I do now. I say foot in the door because now I am hired because of what I have delivered, proven not because of what qualifications I had at 16!

I'm now earning more than all my friends, family and still do something I love and I'm good at.

Please don't write off apprenticeships, if you really are keen on her getting qualifications she can always do these in the evening. Good employers will always prefer experience and attitude and natural skill to an over qualified and over expecting graduate.

We have all the guides and books I don’t care how much they cost I buy them all. She has a desk and laptop and everything she needs.

She gets extra science and history revision classes. Science is partly down to the bloody School being shit at science (predicted a 3) so they targetting her. She could go to extra maths but doesn’t bother.

I want to speak to school about entering her into the higher English as i think this is the only core subject she could manage a 6 in. Then at least she has that one good grade in a core subject. If she gets a 5 in maths that is ok, but she’s predicted a 4.

She could get over 6’s in humanities but she won’t, she will get 4’s or 3’s

She’s revising frequently which is good to see

Sounds to me that she needs a good honest conversation with the sixth form teachers with yourself present. There’s still time to get good grades in the subjects she needs to enter sixth form and do the courses she wants but she has to want to do it.
Bring a PITA and messing about in lessons not only annoys teachers but has a negative effect on the students in the class that do want to learn. If she’s been that student all year then they won’t want her in sixth form with that attitude. She needs to knuckle down, show some maturity and a much better attitude.
But you cannot do this for her. She has to be the one to want to do something about it.

Revising frequently now but almost never until recently?

My brother left school with no qualifications. He was lazy with no purpose or direction. He did basic temping jobs (nearly always sacked for falling asleep, late, making no mistakes) until he was 21 when he decided on his profession. He did HNC/HND at college passing with merit meaning he accessed 3rd year uni. He always worked for free/cheap during his summer holidays so by the time he graduated he had done relevant experience and these companies were fighting to employ him after graduation. When he was around 30 he decided to start his own business and he is now a millionaire.

She wants to do BTech business studies and A Level psychology or sociology

We have loads of colleges and 6th form locally but the idea of getting an apprenticeship or a new School puts her off as like I said I don’t think she’s very mature or confident socially and IMO not ready to leave full time education from a maturity point of view. She’s only just stopped being a plank with education and needs to learn how to behave, listen and focus before she gets a job (apprenticeship)

It’s October she went into yr11 a month ago and so far has been revising frequently for mocks and attending tutorials. Through year 9 and 10 she did nothing but mess about and is paying the price (and so I am i in worry)

teenage years are for making mistakes like this. Harsh as it is you may have to ride this out, stay supportive and have the tissues ready for results day. I wouldn’t rule out the world of work/apprenticeship it’s been the making of many an immature student.

English isn’t a tiered exam- there’s no reason why she can’t get a 6 in it.
The tiers are in Maths, MFL and Science. So for all the other subjects she is in no way limited at this stage.

PPs saying to get her to repeat the year- this is so unlikely to be possible. She will also only be able to retake English and maths if she gets a 3.

I need to speak to her English teacher as it wasn’t clear to me this was the case with that exam

I got Bs and Cs at GCSE but failed my a levels completely as I mucked around for two years, skipped classes and generally couldnt be bothered. I scrapped into uni through clearing onto an hnd and again had to resit some of year one as messed around again.

But I'm now 37 and work in management because I'm good at working in the real world but awful when it comes to tests and exams. I've done a qualification through work and hated every minute.

Some people are just not suited to traditional learning and testing. This doesn't mean they won't excel in life.

Just be there for her, offer gentle guidance and support. Let her school/colleges deal the blows about her future options so your not the bad guy.

There are plenty of unemployed graduates, also plenty working in what people percieve to be dead end. University is not the be all and end all.
My dd, by year 11 was completely jaded by school. College really wasn't going to be for her.
She is doing an apprenticeship, it lasts a year. She is enthusiastic, earning and doing a level 3 BTec at the same time.
Is it something she will do for the rest of her life? I very much doubt it but it is a year out of her hopefully very long life that she is enjoying.
Far better that than being miserable doing A levels, she would have sailed into 6th form with her grades.

Just forget it for now. She'll get herself sorted out.

I got brilliant GCSE's. Then dropped out of college. Spent 4 years in and out of mental health inpatient, working data entry whenever I was out. Got pregnant at 19. Woo, great future there.

When she turned 2, I started on an access course... This week, sent off my UCAS application for Cambridge, York & Durham. The Cambridge college I'm applying for was even trying to get me to apply early after I visited their open day last year (I didn't, wanting to start in 2019 and be prepared enough).

We all get where we're meant to eventually.

OP take heart in the fact Essex has much higher than average employment rates, my cousin was similar to your DD she went to futures (in Essex) instead of sixth form got on an access to engineering course and is now doing and engineering degree.

It sounds like she's got time to turn it round to some extent if she's getting her head down already. Encourage her to look round the college's as well - school had no 6th form here so DC had to move to college and all the ones we looked at were great. And catered for academic A levels, BTEC and vocational quals well. She can aim for school 6th form but may like the look of college when she goes to open evenings. If she stops the silly attitude in class them I'm sure school will help her. She won't be the first kid to have done this so talk to them about her prospects.

If she has finally decided that she needs an education and is prepared to work there is a lot to work with. arrange meetings for her and you with careers advice/ head of 6th form/ her form tutor. Can she retake the year? Or go into 6th form and retake GCSEs at Christmas? It sounds like convincing the school that she has turned over a new leaf is her best option. Form tutor is the place to start, as they will know day to day whether they have a student who is trying hard to catch up or a student who is being a lazy pita.