Refused to collect DD from party tonight.

[BlueSkyBurningBright]

DD is just 17, we live in London. She is going to a party tonight with school friends, about 1 mile away.

She has asked me to pick her up at 11.30. I said no, I am tired after a week at work, want to have some wine and a relaxing evening. I have offered to pay for an Uber for her. She says she feels unsafe in one and would rather walk. I have suggested that her boyfriend gets the Uber with her, drops her off at home and takes the Uber to his house, all on the family account.

She thinks I am being very unfair and uncaring. Apparently all her friends parents pick them up from parties, so she will ask one of them to bring her home. I feel that I am being manipulated, and previously 11.30 has been extended to midnight and beyond.

AIBU?

DD's 11, so 6 years away from this, but she said she wouldn't expect me to pick her up, but would rather walk than get an Uber or a cab, because she really doesn't like talking to people. A chatty Uber driver, and we've had some very chatty ones, would be her idea of hell. I've pointed out that we have night buses here in London.

but is it really that desperately unsafe?

Well obviously it depends a lot on the area!

When I first lived in London at 22 I was mugged on a 20 minute walk home from a friend's house at 9pm. With hindsight it was a stupid place to be walking in the dark alone, and with maturity I would have been much more alert to possible dangers.

Glad it all got sorted OP, but quite horrified by the levels of mollycoddling and infantilising in some of the posts here.

I agree. I usually think posters are too harsh and not understanding enough of kids but an almost adult at a party a mile from home with a boyfriend there as well can very easily make their own way home (or just not go out late if it's such an issue).

There's more danger of something happening at the actual party than on a one mile trip home.

I don't think London is desperately unsafe. There are some areas that are worse than others. Though I know people who have been mugged/attacked in London at 8am on a Sunday, 6pm and middle of the working day, probably more during the day than at night.

We have to be aware of the dangers around, but all realise that the chance of being attacked by a stranger is very low. Which is why I don't walk at night and will always get a cab, as I hope my children will do as they get older.

It's a tricky one isn't it BlueSky?
You can't be dictated to by your DC but you need to know they're safe.
I remember the teen years with my three DC, we live in a small town and they were always with others who lived close by so I didn't worry. I always woke up when they came home, however late it was. That was annoying!

I only do late lifts for a particularly special occasion. Usually the young people have a designated driver or a shared cab if they can't stay at the venue.We don't have late buses and the DC and they friends are very scattered in the country.If we were in London I would be perfectly happy with public transport or an ÜBER.
There is no reason why DD and her BF shouldn't walk home though, is there? She isn't alone.I wouldn't be going out late to pick up in this circumstance at all . YANBU OP.

My DM's over anxious about DD 11 walking to school alone during the day. I've pointed out that she's not alone, all the DC from her school walk the same way, and anyone else is too busy going to work or school themselves to be interested in her. It's not as if we're in a quiet rural area.

Raceingcardriver, another alternative is she doesn’t go out on a Friday night unreasonably late and threaten her mother with walking the streets alone for not acting like a late night taxi service after a hard weeks’ work. Entitled generation much!

OMG, I'm officially over protective, I'd be insisting I picked mine up haha!!

Bowerbird5 - that's a bit harsh. It's not that she can't be bothered. She has been working/is tired and would like (at the weekend!) to have a drink of wine.
I think it's perfectly reasonable for her to suggest daughter comes WITH her boyfriend - at mum's expense after all.
She is simply trying to manipulate - and, having waited up till 1am in the past for a call from our daughter for "an 11pm pick up" I totally understand where she is coming from.
Just because we actually want a relaxing night at home does not mean we are not grateful to have our daughters!

I would pick her up

I am 35 and have SN and I am very on trusting of some taxi drivers. I have posted on here before about some of my experiences with people trying to do me harm, one just a few weeks ago. Not in a taxi, but I still lamb as careful as I Canby. I wouldn't want to walk around some parts of London by myself at that time of night. Fortunately, I live in a part of London where there is a very small, family run and very friendly cab company and I trust their drivers. I have had to take many of them in the middle of the night to the airport. But I would not get in an Uber. Could one of her parents, sorry her friends parents Drop her home?

She is being selfish, not you. I moved into a bedsit at 17, and walked home alone from the time I was old enough to go out alone.

I know she’s back home but I’m with her on Uber.

Black cab or reliable local mini cab.

"I moved into a bedsit at 17, "

Well, bully for you. Not all 17 year olds are like you were at 17

I’m 26 and still feel unsafe in a taxi. Regularly ask my mum for a lift home.. 🙈

I’m glad your daughter has some sense about Uber being unsafe. At least tell her to get in a black cab.

Very much depends on which area of London you live in, who she is with, and how level-headed she is and how much of an idiot her boyfriend is. If the answers to those questions make you feel there may be risk to her safety then that has to take priority over you feeling like a few drinks. She is not yet considered an adult for a reason!

A snowflake

My almost 17yo is going to a party tonight. I’ll be dropping & collecting (probably in the wee small hours). She is our last child, we did the same for her siblings too. Part of parenting older kids, innit.

Those are at extreme ends of the scale though Electric
I have had to give DD a lift today because the trains are on strike and a taxi to work would have cost her £25 each way because we live in a rural area. Is that ok with you?

As someone who drove a taxi while I was at Uni I'd have suggested that the poster use a local private hire firm (rather than Uber) to book a taxi in advance and specify that the booking was for a female driver. They'd have done that and been quite happy to do so as well.

The number of incidents involving proper bona fide taxi/private hire drivers are very, very few. So few that they make headline news, in the same way that kind of incident makes headline news no matter where it takes place. There are a number that involve fake cabs which is why it's always safest to go through a firm as they will only use legitimate vehicles.

If you are in any way concerned about the driver of any vehicle then ask them to pull over so you can get out. If that doesn't happen, or you are given an excuse for not doing so then just say "I'm about to be sick". You should then brace yourself for the resulting G force as the car comes to a very quick halt.

A real taxi driver will not want to clean up the mess and will want you out as soon as possible and one that is not a real taxi driver will not want your DNA spray painted all over the inside of his vehicle.

If a taxi or other driver ever says "I'm not going to hurt you" or "r* you" then be alarmed. The fact that he can say those words is worrying and I've told my daughter to go into alarm mode if she hears those words and to put her fingers down her throat to make herself sick if necessary.