DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

[olayjer]

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

I think very harsh punishment as she clearly meant it like a “get lost” response. And ridiculous of the boy to tell on her, given he’s hardly a timid, innocent young angel - sending porn!!

Oh and telling your sexual harasser to fuck off is not bullying.

However given the current focus on mental health, schools basically have to come down hard on anything linked to suicide so I can see where they are coming from. But then you’d think that given the recent #metoo campaign they would also come down hard on sexual harassment.

OP I would certainly put in a written complaint about the boy’s sexual harassment of your daughter and ask what the school are doing to combat the clearly toxic culture they have developed where boys think that’s an ok way to behave.

This is a positive outcome for your DD, she will learn very quickly that words have consequences. Imagine if she said that to someone who was struggling with their mental health and did try to hurt themselves. It doesn't matter that she didn't mean it literally, it would haunt her and ruin her life with guilt.
This is a good life lesson for her.

I’d agree about making a complaint about sexual harassment, but let’s not kid on that’s why OPs DD is missing 3 days of school. She’s missing 3 days of school because she told someone to kill themselves in a climate where teen suicides as a direct result of cyber nastiness are at an all time high.

This.

I think part of what she learns from this is don’t stand up to boys or men if they make degrading sexual references because the establishment will side with them.

He’s going to be doubly laughing on her return isn’t he? As he managed to get her suspended and he got off scott free.

I think he got what he deserved. I think we are judging a silly teen saying against adult values, values she cannot possibly have at age 13. Whether we like it or not this is silly shit that teens say and do. I think it's total exaggeration to say it might actually have lead to him killing him self. Quite frankly he sounds quite a confident young man; next step unsolicited dick pics no doubt. She responded to his harassment and I would not punish my daughter for this. Oh and I certainly wouldn't use such an outdated term as "damsel I'm distress" to describe this. I'd say 13 year old child minding her own business gets sent a link to porn and responds heatedly; because that's what happened.

Really? Being signposted to porn at 13 isn’t distressing?

Nobody has said it isn't. In fact everyone is in agreement that what he did was disgusting. And he's getting punished for it,rightly.
You should never flippantly tell someone to go kill themselves, that is not banter. What she did was disgusting too.

Oh and telling your sexual harasser to fuck off is not bullying.

I agree. If she’d said fuck off I’d think her punishment was harsh. But she didn’t tell him to fuck to told him to kill himself. Stupid, dangerous and irresponsible, which is what the school is teaching her by punishing her.

Interesting thread. I’d never heard KYS before. Will make sure to add it to the very long “just because it’s on Fortnite doesn’t make it right” list.

Oh and he would be fired at work for sending this to a colleague so he should definitely have been suspended.

I can't believe so many people are overlooking what the "poor" boy did. He sent a link for her to look up porn and get in trouble at school. I would guess he had looked up the name and knew it was unblocked. The OPs DD sent a response that many kids use - and whilst she deserves a punishment he should get much worse. It is the equivalent of drop dead/fuck yourself etc and whilst my pupils get told off
For saying it and have it explained in a detention why it is inappropriate we would deal much more harshly with the boy for linking to pornographic material.

The fact he then went on to tell the teacher makes me think he wanted to get your DD in trouble.
And yes I am a teacher who has dealt with suicide, mental breakdowns , self harm and all other forms and issues related. She deserved a punishment but she reacted to a sexually motivated act.

She responded to his harassment and I would not punish my daughter for this

If my teen flippantly told someone to kill themselves in the name of banter after being provoked, damn right I'd be punishing him for it.

Nobody has said it isn't.

Yes they have that’s precisely what the poster I was replying to said: ‘she’s not a damsel in distress’.

Haha Carol. So she’s a silly teen who couldn’t possibly know what she’s doing and he’s a confident young man who will end up committing sexual offences.

Way to diminish women and demonise men there Carol. Us womenfolk couldn’t possibly ever do anything wrong knowingly and evil menz are lurking around ever corner 🙄

I agree Pieceofpurplesky

@HeckyPeck

And the boy sending porn links has no idea what might be in her past that might cause her to be triggered into self harm etc. We could go round and round in circles all night really. He started it, he sent unsolicited porn and got a heated response back which he reported and got her punished. And we wonder why girls don't report sexual harassment. This is how it starts. I'm staggered how many of you can't/don't want to acknowledge that or are prioritising the porn senders hurty feels.

Interesting thread. I’d never heard KYS before. Will make sure to add it to the very long “just because it’s on Fortnite doesn’t make it right” list

It's a Fortnite thing? Fucking HATE that game with a vengeance, the youngest is an absolute nightmare on it. Mood swings, the lot.
I'm with you, if this is the type of shit that's said on it, I'm glad he's got a ban on it for the forseeable!
Vile.

And the boy sending porn links has no idea what might be in her past that might cause her to be triggered into self harm etc. We could go round and round in circles all night really. He started it, he sent unsolicited porn and got a heated response back which he reported and got her punished. And we wonder why girls don't report sexual harassment. This is how it starts.

Absolutely this.

Not harsh at all from the school. It’s mental health week. Perhaps have a chat with your daughter about it.

@HeckyPeck

If you cannot see the difference between unsolicited sexual harassment and a heated response to that harassment that essentially means get away from me, then I don't know what else to say to you 🤷‍♀️

Its not harsh. Its fitting. Its not joke. It's a disgusting thing to say.

Hang on a minute, the little shit started it, ok maybe she shouldn't have said KYS but come on, he did it for a reaction, which he got. Silly silly boy.

Er...so nobody ever told a class mate to drop dead? Or anything flippant as a teenager? And this was in response to an message that could have been construed as sexual harassment? Seems an over reaction to me but I guess schooling has moved on from the 90s...

I wasn't overlooking what the boy did. The title of the post is about the OP being annoyed that her daughter has been excluded for 3 days. I was responding to the question as to whether this was fair or not.

I don't think anyone has said he's a "poor boy". But the boy's mother isn't here minimising what he's done

Someone said "poor lad"