DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

[olayjer]

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

This was on a school computer and the images were not blocked. Head of year admitted this

However casual she thinks it is, hopefully she now understands it's not a flippant comment and can do real damage.

The school is right to be harsh and I hope she learns from it.

I think his punishment is the OP's business actually, given that her child's punishment means she is missing education and he is not.

Heaven forbid but if this poor had have KHS your dd could have found herself charged with involenary manslaughter.
Sorry but I have zero sympathy for her.

Then the school need to sort out their firewalls. The boy needs to learn his behaviour is disgusting, inappropriate and intimidating and your DD needs to learn not to say fucking horrid things like that to people.

You’re way too concerned with everyone else’s shit, and not your own.

Have you thought the school will have blocked porn sites and as a parent that is your job to also block these sites, thus protecting your daughter yourself??

I'm guessing at 13 most of them are already old enough to know how to use a VPN/proxy to circumvent whatever internet restrictions there are in place.

I think his punishment is the OP's business actually, given that her child's punishment means she is missing education and he is not

Good luck trying to get any teacher to disclose details about another child because you think it’s your concern.

Poor lad do me a favour

He sent a name and told her to google it. Immature and unpleasant, but is it sexual harassment?

He told her to google it so that she would see porn. If that he had been an adult would you be asking that question?

His punishment (which he damn well should have had and a harsh one at that) is none of your business. Your DD flippantly telling people to kill themselves is.

This. You deal with your child who behaved appallingly. His parents will no doubt be dealing with his appalling behaviour too.

@IStandWithPosie I agree with what you’re getting at, I’m just saying I don’t know if it would stand up in law / the courts as sexual harassment.

Surely if it was visible at school your original post should have been very different and focussed on that, asking what safeguarding measures they were putting in place? The school was wrong to not have blocked it. The boy was wrong to send her a word to Google and your daughter was wrong in her response. The school and boys wrongs do not give your daughter a free pass to respond however she wants.

I brought it up with school. They said it's the only one that seems to have bypassed the system.

@TatianaLarina yes - please see my above post. I don’t know if an email saying “Google this” would count as sexual harrassment in law.

Op I'm sure it was a flippant comment and your daughter didn't mean it, but the school has to really come down on this because of the potential implications. Personally I think the lad should have been suspended too but your daughter has to learn in the strongest possible terms that she can't tell people to kill themselves

I think his punishment is the OP's business actually, given that her child's punishment means she is missing education and he is not

I really wouldn't have thought that teachers would be disclosing details of other pupils and their punishments to other parents that aren't their own.

@YeTalkShiteHen

Oh I am sure that's the case and I don't think I said I would expect them to discuss it with me did I? I'd certainly expect an explanation as to why my child was missing education though, and making a formal complaint about sexual harassment towards my child resulting in her having to miss said three days of education.

Well yes it does come under sexual harassment which includes displaying pictures of a sexual nature and sending emails with sexual content.

I’d be mortified if my child said this to someone. Maybe get her to watch a video that shows the effects of suicide. For someone on the edge being told to kill yourself could just push them over the edge. The boys actions, whilst not great was in no way as serious. It might show a good time xample to the other kids. Awful phrase

I remember being 11, just started secondary school. Sat by myself on the top deck of a public bus. An older boy came and sat next to me and started showing me a porn magazine (this was the 90s, so no mobile internet!) I wish I'd had the guts to tell him to go fuck himself! But I froze.
Your daughter stood up for herself in a non violent way. It wasn't as sensible as calling for a teacher, but neither was it a sustained attack on the boy, leading to possible issues with his future mental health.

He was not the victim here.

I'd certainly expect an explanation as to why my child was missing education though, and making a formal complaint about sexual harassment towards my child resulting in her having to miss said three days of education.

I’d agree about making a complaint about sexual harassment, but let’s not kid on that’s why OPs DD is missing 3 days of school. She’s missing 3 days of school because she told someone to kill themselves in a climate where teen suicides as a direct result of cyber nastiness are at an all time high.

I’ll reiterate, the boy should be punished, harshly and made to realise that his behaviour is never, ever ok.

But let’s not paint OPs DD as some damsel in distress eh? She used a phrase which has awful connotations, and she needs to be punished too.

kviddics I've no doubt my 14 year old son can circumvent our security settings...but then he also knows exactly what he's doing and he's looking at stuff he shouldn't be, it's a wilful act. Frankly if he sees something that offends him AFTER going around settings then he's a bit of a Muppet, it's my job as his Mum to talk to him about anything he may talk about and educate him on what's normal, what's not and what is a little odd but ok with all consenting parties. Regardless of how uncomfortable that might make me feel.

I think it's a really harsh punishment personally but a good lesson for her to take away from this is be careful what you put in writing. A lot of people get into sticky situations at work putting things into emails that fall into the wrong hands.

But let’s not paint OPs DD as some damsel in distress eh?

Really? Being signposted to porn at 13 isn’t distressing?

No. This is hyperbole. KYS sent to a person as part of a sustained campaign of bullying might perhaps have tragic consequences.

And the DD has zero idea whether the recipient might be on the receiving end of a sustained campaign. Nor do teachers/parent often. That’s the whole point. It’s a horrible thing to say and the school have rightly punished the DD.