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AIBU?

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DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

999 replies

olayjer · 12/10/2018 18:29

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

OP posts:
wentmadinthecountry · 12/10/2018 20:05

I'm shocked by this. My dd has worked with student Nightline for years and as a Samaritan. Go fuck yourself, fair enough. This, no way. Not saying the boy wasn't wrong too - as a teacher I'd be pretty harsh on him as well but this crosses a line that needs to be sorted. Too many teenagers are choosing to take their own lives. Imagine if this boy happened to take his life after what OP's dd said. Too far. At her age too.

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/10/2018 20:05

But the boy's mother isn't here minimising what he's done

Precisely.

If she were, she’d rightly be having her arse handed to her as well.

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/10/2018 20:06

Someone said "poor lad"

One person in 10 pages Confused

bunintheoven88 · 12/10/2018 20:06

@YeTalkShiteHen

If she were, she’d rightly be having her arse handed to her as well.

This^

Igorina · 12/10/2018 20:06

Schools really have no choice but to have a zero tolerance policy on anything suicide-related right now.

Like pp, the number of pre-teens/teens taking their own lives in my area is terrifying and schools here are very aware of this.

Hopefully you DD can learn from this. Do you think she has?

However, the boy should have also received a suspension. It's just sending a really fucked up message that he was punished less for his behavior.

CarolDanvers · 12/10/2018 20:07

You're not having "your arse handed to you" OP, at all. A fair few can see what you're saying and agree with you.

SnuggyBuggy · 12/10/2018 20:07

All this girl will have learned is that her teachers don't have her back and not to get caught next time, to be fair that's the outcome of a lot of school punishments.

HeckyPeck · 12/10/2018 20:07

I’ve agreed he was wrong (he didn’t send porn or a porn link though - no point exaggerating) to get her to search for a porn stars name. That wouldn’t bring up any porn, just a list of search results.

Are you honestly saying that someone might kill themselves because they were tricked into googling the name of a porn star? Can you find any instances of that happening? Even if it being the final straw? Because there aren’t countless examples of children who have killed themselves after being told to.

olayjer · 12/10/2018 20:08

@CarolDanvers yes never said I was having my ass handed to me. I'm glad there's a few who do agree with me.

OP posts:
olayjer · 12/10/2018 20:08

It brang up images the top of the page was the google image searches

OP posts:
VerbeenaBeeks · 12/10/2018 20:09

*I don't think anyone has said he's a "poor boy".
Nobody has, anywhere. In fact they've said the opposite and that what he did was awful.

But the boy's mother isn't here minimising what he's done
Exactly.

VerbeenaBeeks · 12/10/2018 20:09

Bold fail.

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/10/2018 20:10

If it was a google search it would have brought up google search results, with bios and links to click on. Not porn sites.

Not that it makes what he did any better, it doesn’t. But let’s not pretend it was hardcore porn full screen for OPs DD to see.

Both are at fault.

ProfessorMoody · 12/10/2018 20:10

It's a Fortnite thing

Nope not in the slightest.

olayjer · 12/10/2018 20:11

She saw pornographic images. They came up at the top

OP posts:
Stonebake · 12/10/2018 20:11

I think that’s harsh actually.

Not that it’s ok, but I heard things like “drop dead”, “wank off and die” and “do you know what would be funny? If you died” at my school. Not at all nice, but I don’t think there is any chance anyone would have been suspended for it. That’s a huge punishment for a throwaway remark like that - horrible as it was.

I think people in my year got one day “cooling off” for hitting someone, but suspensions were few and far between.

I think the only time I heard of someone being suspended it was because someone had brought in a flask of brandy which she was getting slowly, (or not so slowly), pissed on throughout the day.

Igorina · 12/10/2018 20:11

If she searched the name on Google without the filter on it will have brought up a number of images at the top.

Moussemoose · 12/10/2018 20:12

Oh yes boys sexually harassing girls "boys will be boys" or "it's just a laugh" she responds in a strong way and SHE gets punished.

Ffs women have you not lived the life I have? Men and boys think it is hilarious to sexually humiliated girls. With no idea of her life and triggers he sends that and it's fine.....

Girls need to stand up and tell men who do this to "fuck right off" we do not need to be polite or sensitive. If he was a flower who needed to be looked after then he shouldn't have sent the email.

All that's stuff in the media about that nasty woman bully the Supreme Court Judge poor baby.

HeckyPeck · 12/10/2018 20:12

Do you actually think her punishment was harsh OP or just that his wasn’t harsh enough?

How would your DD have felt if he had killed himself. If unbeknownst to her he’d been receiving similar messages from other pupils and hers was the one that pushed him over the edge? How would his parents have felt on finding his body?

In cases where it does happen the people who sent the messages always say they didn’t realise it was taken seriously/it was banter/everyone says it.

Your DD would have to live with that for the rest of her life. And there would be a family grieving a child. It’s not banter. Suicide isn’t something to trivialise.

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/10/2018 20:12

If she searched the name on Google without the filter on it will have brought up a number of images at the top.

Apparently school has a filter, it failed just this once.

ANnieanonimouse · 12/10/2018 20:13

When will this stop?

How much more cotton wool do we intend to wrap around these teenagers?

We currently have a serious problem with suicidal teenagers and university students.

We need to be teaching them to be more resilient to stuff, not wrapping more and more layers of cotton wool around them. As younger children they're kept indoors instead of being allowed to ‘play out’, they have far fewer opportunities to sort out their own battles & friendships.

As many have said, what this girl said was the equivalent of ‘Drop dead’ ‘Go jump off a bridge’ or ‘Go to hell’...NONE of them are literal.

It’s not a ‘sustained attack’ to tell some stupid lad sending shite like that to KYS any more than it is to say ‘Drop dead’

I really do worry for them.

Also, why jump to a 3 day suspension? Who does that benefit? Why not say to her that KYS is not acceptable on the school email system. It doesn’t sound like she’s a constant trouble maker and she wasn’t the one instigating it

I also think he should have been told not to do it. End of.

The whole ‘it’s sexual harassment’ is a load of old tosh as well. It’s a couple of teenagers, acting like teenagers have acted since the beginning of time. Simply being told to ‘pack it in’ takes two seconds, we do NOT need this drama. Sort out the REAL ISSUES. The kids who are setting up hate campaigns against other kids. Over reacting to minor crap, does not make real issues go away.

Cheerymom · 12/10/2018 20:14

'Bearing in mind that had the boy been suffering MH and gone on to do something, your DD could have been held accountable and responsible.'

A very misinformed comment, if someone dies from suicide it is generally not from one comment and a 13 year old is NOT responsible or accountable for that death.

She has been punished and he should be too. As a teacher I would take both their actions seriously and use them to teach why both were wrong.

olayjer · 12/10/2018 20:14

Apparently (head of year told me) this specific porn stars name was not filtered. She says clicking on sites would have blocked it but images were still viewable as the name was not filtered

OP posts:
HeckyPeck · 12/10/2018 20:15

Girls need to stand up and tell men who do this to "fuck right off"

No one has disagreed with this? Tell him to fuck off, piss off etc etc. Quite right too. But telling someone to kill themselves is another thing entirely.

He should be punished, but that doesn’t excuse what the DD said.

Dollymixture22 · 12/10/2018 20:15

Is this the equivalent of saying go to hell? I remember saying that when I was in school to the school bully. Don’t think I would have been punished.

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