DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

[olayjer]

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

I suggest you try telling the parents of a teen that's killer themselves because of "flippant" comments like this that the punishment is harsh.

You have made me very angry and if I thought one of my teens used that phrase I would be absolutely ashamed of them.

*killed

I don't think her punishment is an over reaction but I think his is a drastic under reaction.

What was his punishment, did the OP say? Apologies if missed.
All I can see is The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has
How would OP know? School have said they're punishing him too, are they going into details with another parent about the ins and outs of it? I thought only the parents of the boy would know that.

I don't think KYS is bad in this context. In my day we would have said "Drop dead", which is about the same - neither is meant literally. And my school wouldn't have batted an eye.

Today I was told about a child who is too scared to go to school. His classmates, male and female, keep telling him to kill him self, that no one will care if he dies and that he should commit suicide. You may think it's ok for your daughter to say that but it's not, even if she meant it flippantly. If one of my children had done that they'd be getting another punishment from me on top of the one from school.

OP I would put an official complaint in writing that 1) a pupil tricked your child into viewing porn and 2) porn was accessible on the school network.

Don’t let the wee shite or the school off with a non punishment.

He didn’t send porn.

He sent a name and told her to google it. Immature and unpleasant, but is it sexual harassment? I’m not sure - maybe. It seems like the kind of thing that used to go round my school - blue waffle anyone? (Don’t google it, seriously).

Her response in the context was ill advised. She should have shown a teacher the message.

They should both have been punished, him more harshly than her.

Equally though if we're going to say "KYS" was just meant flippantly, so might the boy sending the porn name. Porn references are often just seen as hilarious by young teens who aren't mature enough to understand that some people could find it distressing.

None of it is OK and we need to teach our children.

DD didn't know what it meant and googled if.

I think you’re incredibly naive OP if you believe that your 13 year old didn’t know the meaning of a acronym that “everyone is using”

Also people saying getting someone to google a name is just as bad. How do you work that one out?

Children literally kill themselves after having been told to by classmates.

I very much doubt children kill themselves after being told to google a name.

No not KYS I mean the porn name

but is it sexual harassment

Think about why he did it. What was the desired outcome?

But Lockheart, her message sent to the wrong person could have led to suicide. His couldn’t. Hence the harsher punishment for her.

Yes, KYS is just banter. Much less aggressive than STFU.

Just as fuck off is not intended as a literal imperative, nor is KYS.

My son was told to kill himself by an idiot at his school, unbeknown to that other child my son's Dad had tried to commit suicide. He was in hospital and I was working out how the hell I tell my kids they wouldn't see their Dad again. He has recovered, but will spend a lifetime suffering adverse effects which regularly impacts me kids as he is rehospitalised. The police also took this other child's messages seriously.
Your daughter has no idea what is going on in this boys life and I am actually pleased the school have reacted so strongly.
I think unless your child is the one being told to kill themselves you will never understand how much it rips through you as a parent and can upset a child

Still struggling to see how kill yourself is "just banter."
STFU not comparable, it's aggressive, but just telling you to shut up and be quiet.
To someone struggling,what on earth do you think a kill yourself might do?!
As someone said,in the wrong hands, that's a dangerous message.
You might know just bantz, innit, but the recipient might not.

And getting my daughter to google a name and see porn is also not something that will affect her? Right.

I think 3 days is too lenient.

But Lockheart, her message sent to the wrong person could have led to suicide. His couldn’t. Hence the harsher punishment for her.

No. This is hyperbole. KYS sent to a person as part of a sustained campaign of bullying might perhaps have tragic consequences. This was not that quite clearly. This was a boy sending porn to and sexually harassing a 13 year old girl and being sent that in response. The punishment should be exactly the same or his should be more severe.

IStandWithPosie

I agree that it was sent due to its sexual nature and I would hope that the boy got the same punishment, but the only way that we will find out is through the school rumour mill but as we don't know what his punishment is it is impossible to say whether the school reacted in the way that we would want them to to.

The little arse tricked her into viewing porn. That is sexual harassment.

My neice was sexually abused and made to watch porn as part of it. She would have attempted suicide if some little prick sent her something like that.

Whilst I accept and appreciate that she had to be punished, the boy has got away with sexual harassment and (I believe) bullying as he clearly set this up to get her in trouble.

I think an appointment with the safeguarding lead and head of year are definitely needed.

As a pp has pointed out, “drop dead” was a common phrase around school in days of Yore. It wasn’t nice but I doubt it got anyone suspended. Is telling someone to KYS any worse than that?

And getting my daughter to google a name and see porn is also not something that will affect her? Right

His punishment (which he damn well should have had and a harsh one at that) is none of your business.

Your DD flippantly telling people to kill themselves is.

I don't understand the constant references to fortnite. It's not the games fault. Why do people hide behind this? You're the parent, don't let her play things like that. She's told someone to kill themselves. People die from that. They truly do. It's awful. The buck stops with you and your daughter. Not a computer game.

Have you thought the school will have blocked porn sites and as a parent that is your job to also block these sites, thus protecting your daughter yourself??

And getting my daughter to google a name and see porn is also not something that will affect her? Right.

Has anyone said what he did was right? I don't think anyone has. What he did was wrong.
You said he's been punished too,so they're dealing with him too then.
You wouldn't know the ins and outs of punishment presumably as you're not his parents and they'll be talking to them about it,not you.