DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

[olayjer]

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

Telling someone to kill themselves IS NEVER OK
Really? So you'd tell your daughter it was wrong to tell her rapist to kill himself?
Don't talk in absolutes.

Why should a girl be treated just as negatively for telling a boy being a nasty, sexually harassing perv to fuck off and die, as he is for sexually harassing her and provoking the whole situation in the first place?

Indeed,

That was to scrumplestiltskin by the way. Hiding it behind cutesy acronyms like "KYS" doesn't make it any better. It still means the same and could still be a gut punch to someone suffering reading it.

Interesting that no one has answered my question about what else this girl is being exposed to whilst playing fortnite?

Well, how would anyone else know, unless they're her playing partner? OP hasn't come back this morning. (probably has a life)

@MarshaBradyo It's really not.

There are shades of grey here that some people seem to be missing.

There is a difference between an inappropriate throw away comment in response to an illegal sex act. And the continuing, deliberate and purposeful use of violent and damaging language, to bully, belittle and emotionally crush another human.

When people (deliberately or not) conflate the two, it desensitises people to the real issue at hand, and the acts that do really contribute to these issues - with sometimes tragic consequences.

Honestly, we all know that a girl telling a boy who linked a porn link to

When did he link a porn site?

I thought he told her to google a name.

Do we have to do everything someone tells us to?

He told her to Google a name. She did. That's the boy's fault for telling her to do it.

She told him to KYS. If he had done what she told him then that would have been the boy's fault too?

He didn't send her porn. He told her to Google a name. She didn't have to do that.

We do have choices. He was wrong. She was wrong.

I'm assuming, that all being what we are told, that had he sent porn or a link to porn then he would get a severe punishment.

He only told her a name.

All of the events after that were what she chose to do.

Maybe she is being punished dor trying to access porn from the school's computer as well as saying KYS?

Hiding it behind cutesy acronyms like "KYS" doesn't make it any better. It still means the same and could still be a gut punch to someone suffering reading it.
If this boy had killed himself over that? No great loss. One less sexual harasser in the world.
Because if a boy who perpetrates sexual harassment cannot take his victim retaliating with three letters?? Guess how much I care.

(That would be zero. I would care a zero amount.)

You are deliberately misinterpreting posts. You said of me ‘you don’t think he has done anything wrong’. I have repeatedly said he has. Please quote my post where I said that he had not.

No Larry you are denying and minimising the implications of what you wrote.

You have repeatedly dismissed this boy’s action as a ‘mistake’ and ‘not a huge one’; dismissed it as ‘being interested in sex at 13, learning how to interact with girls his own age’.

He tried to incite a child to look at porn, it was not an accident, it was an intentional premeditated act. You cannot minimise this as learning how to act with girls. He knew perfectly well he should not do this. He knew it was not acceptable at school. His ‘interest’ cannot be allowed to defile other children.

Case law is irrelevant, the issue is whether that act constitutes sexual harassment of itself. Which it does.

Viewing or sending porn links can be a sackable offence in many workplaces and if you don’t know that you bloody well should.

Absolutely PMSL about Verbena and Teddy lamenting the “toxic” state of the world we live in.

The world is toxic alright, toxic with misogyny, and people like you enable it. Your attitudes are deeply, utterly, reprehensibly toxic, but you just keep on with your finger waggling at those of us who are trying to clear up the toxins!

Really? So you'd tell your daughter it was wrong to tell her rapist to kill himself?
Don't talk in absolutes.

Oh Christ, don't say that. That was what set @YeTalkShiteoff off on me about an hour ago. 😬

I thought he told her to google a name.

He did according to OP, but it's getting twisted to linking to porn now.
OP said he told her to google a name, she fell for it and then emailed back go kill yourself.
School seeing that exchange will quite rightly punish both.

Absolutely TalkingintheDark

There you go minimising and denying sexual harassment again, Verbeena. It’s ugly. Very ugly.

Viewing or sending porn links can be a sackable offence in many workplaces and if you don’t know that you bloody well should

Yep and from what you're all saying she tried to view a porn site.

He didn't send porn or a link to a porn site.

He sent a name.

She then decided to carry that forward. Any looking up porn or porn sites was done by her.

Oh Christ, don't say that. That was what set YeTalkShiteoff off on me about an hour ago. 😬
I'll gird my loins in preparation 😂
Honestly all I can imagine is:
Boy - Mummy! MUMMY! I sent a porn link to a girl, and she told me to... Kill myself!! gasp
Mother - ...What the fuck. You sent a girl a porn link?? WHY?? WHAT THE FUCK?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? I HAVE TAUGHT YOU BETTER!

YeTalkShiteoff

*YeTalkShiteHen. Didn't mean to mangle her name.

I'll gird my loins in preparation 😂

Scroll back, it was quite the read. Just look for "fucking cunt".

Oh whoops, I did it too, in quoting you 😅
Sorry Hen!

Teddy are you one of those lawyers who specialised in getting clearly guilty men off rape charges? If not, you’ve missed your calling.

Boy - Mummy! MUMMY! I sent a porn link to a girl, and she told me to... Kill myself!!

Can you link to the post where OP says he sent a porn link?

The world is toxic alright, toxic with misogyny, and people like you enable it. Your attitudes are deeply, utterly, reprehensibly toxic, but you just keep on with your finger waggling at those of us who are trying to clear up the toxins

never once have I said what he did was ok.I have repeatedly said he deserves a harsh punishment.
If someone says go kill yourselves though, they need harsh punishment too.
What you describe is toxic too and I've never said otherwise.
Teens messaging each other killyourself, also toxic situation that is depressingly seen as some ADULTS on here as being totally normal.
It's not.
Somebody upthread said this is online,stuff like die in a fire doesn't really mean anything and is fine
NO IT'S NOT! Online is still life, are people really that far detached from reality and can't distinguish anymore?
It's seriously fucked up if so.

She didn’t have to google it. Dragon butter after all.

Telling him to kill himself wasn’t very smart. And I can understand the school coming down hard on that.

Can you link to the post where OP says he sent a porn link?

Yep, would like to see that too as OP said he told her to google a name.
Getting twisted all the more.

No I disagree Sar, shades of grey make it harder to change what is acceptable.
I’d put this in the same category as other words that are always off limits in order to try and protect teens.

Talking - I’d be horrified with either behaviour and be ok with the school taking a hard line. I’d look into where the child got the term from in the first place.