DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

[olayjer]

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

It’s never appropriate to use those words. There are many and varied ways she could have responded.

I don't really think there's much point in us continuing to dialogue now that you've called me a "fucking cunt". Not really any place to go after that.

Have a nice day.

You've said consistently that you think she was wrong to say KYS

She was, but not to defend herself.

The fact you cannot understand that basic concept isn’t my problem.

I didn't even know that you had a DD. I don't.

Then you haven’t RTFT, I know you don’t have a DD, if you did you wouldn’t have said something like that. Did you get a kick out of it?

Oh so now, when someone says something that is sexually inappropriate (like imagining my own daughter being abused) I’m wrong for snapping back?

Oh the absolute fucking irony.

So it’s ok for you to be offended by someone clapping back when you’ve made a comment about sexual assault regarding their own child?

But not for me to say that better language (including fucking cunt) could have been used to the boy in question?

No wonder things are as bad as they are for teenage girls in school. No wonder women’s and girls’ rights are being eroded these days. No wonder so few rape and sexual assault cases lead to a conviction.

Yup. That's the message I'm getting. Men can talk on TV about how they'd sexually assault women and still get elected to office as president, but women must mind their P&Qs even when being sexually harassed.

It’s genuinely worrying the number of people on this thread who can’t see the difference between a girl actively setting out to bully a boy, and a girl reacting off the cuff to being sexually harassed by a boy. Who did actively set out to upset her.
This. If my daughter had gone off the computer, found the boy in person, and kneed him in the balls, I wouldn't have a problem with it. Do those who have an issue with KYS also have an issue with that? Or is it just the suicide aspect? Because I am SURE this boy was not a suicide risk.

I’d say the same about people wanting to use the term flippantly.

I can see that some feel this situation is different, but there are posters saying oh it’s just the same as take a walk.. etc.

So even without this situation they say ok use it.

This shows limited understanding / minimisation of the seriousness of declining teen mh and suicide rates and online aggression

And yes every day harassment is another trend that needs to be stamped on

But both should be heavily dealt with

You repeatedly dodged the fact that this boy’s punishment was not commensurate with the girl’s,

We can't comment on the boy's punishment because we have no idea what it was.

We have all said that what he did was wrong and that he should be punished to the same level as the girl. That is all we can say about his punishment because we don't know what it was

We are commenting on the DDs punishment because the OP has asked about it and has provided some more details. What the daughter said was wrong. She needs tobe punished for it.

Is she saying this casually to other people too? For all we know she is and maybe the school have already spoken to her informally about it. Maybe it was the first time that she said it but the school are trying to stamp out a culture of students saying highly inappropriate things.

I can see that some feel this situation is different, but there are posters saying oh it’s just the same as take a walk.. etc.

So even without this situation they say ok use it.

I was the one who raised the "go talk a short walk/play with the traffic" expressions.

But I absolutely don't think it's okay to use KYS generally and would punish accordingly if she used it for more minor offences. In this scenario, I have no issues with it. I would definitely talk to her about her thinking it is just a flippant phrase though.

This shows limited understanding / minimisation of the seriousness of declining teen mh and suicide rates and online aggression
Maybe you should address the boy's internet aggression, which was responded to in a measured manner by the girl. Because I am sure a boy who shares that is not going to kill himself because his victim says "KYS".

I did address it

By saying both should be dealt with heavily

Maybe you should address the boy's internet aggression, which was responded to in a measured manner by the girl. Because I am sure a boy who shares that is not going to kill himself because his victim says "KYS".

Unless the school has suspended the boy, it would appear that they have a zero tolerance policy on KYS-ing but no zero tolerance policy on sexual harassment.

@YeTalkShiteHen you're demanding and judging that a 13 year old girl moderate and have awareness of her language while being sexually harassed, when you yourself have just called someone a cunt because they said something you didn't like. I'm not sure anything you say can be taken seriously tbh.

I don’t think she used it flippantly. I think she was caught off guard by his pervy, sexually aggressive ‘prank’ and reacted with the worst thing she could think of. Not the perfect response, but who would have the perfect response to being sexually harassed? Next time someone feels me up on the tube I’ll consult my solicitor before I respond shall I?

Sounds appropriate to me, this is your chance to talk to her properly about it and not side with her.

Although teens use KYS flippantly like we used drop dead and go fuck yourself it's one of those 'things' schools are focussing on and therefore harsh "example" punishments are always set.

It's the same for any reference they feel is racist due to prevent. (Ime most schools don't actually understand the difference between referencing ace and racism but that's a different thread).

Glad you are supportive of school.

The issue appears to lie on the fact other - equally unacceptable imo - behaviours such as sexual reference and disablist language isn't taken as seriously. Therefore you get this imbalance of consequence.

It annoys me massively. Either everything is treated equally and all victims are treated equally or we are going to leave some vulnerable groups more vulnerable as they are accepted targets.

It’s a really appalling message, isn’t it.

Boys who sexually harass girls know that they can do a DARVO and cry victim if the girl isn’t very, very careful how she reacts - and huge numbers of people will take their side. Women. Mothers. We do believe boys, apparently.

Whereas girls in the very moment of being upset, possibly traumatised, by the harassment, must be on their guard to not say or do anything untoward. Double standards, as always.

I don’t have DDs, just my DS, and I think it’s sickening.

The boy was an idiot but your daughter’s response is shocking.

I do think his punishment should be harsh too though.

Why do people keep ignoring that posters are saying both should be punished

Boys who sexually harass girls know that they can do a DARVO and cry victim if the girl isn’t very, very careful how she reacts - and huge numbers of people will take their side. Women. Mothers. We do believe boys, apparently.

Whereas girls in the very moment of being upset, possibly traumatised, by the harassment, must be on their guard to not say or do anything untoward. Double standards, as always.

And then if the harasser did go and do some desperate deed to themselves, well, it would be all the girl's fault because they told them to KYS.

^
Unless the school has suspended the boy, it would appear that they have a zero tolerance policy on KYS-ing but no zero tolerance policy on sexual harassment.^
Exactly, Butchy! As always, the victim is punished for responding, and the bully gets off with a lighter punishment.
And then everyone oohs and ahhes over how the poor little boy who tried to trick a classmate into looking up explicit, objectifying, misogynistic porn got told to (GASP) Kay why ess!! Oh noooo. Soo traumatic for him!!

This shows limited understanding / minimisation of the seriousness of girls welfare and safety in school, and the daily sexual harassment and online sexual aggression our young girls face daily. And ALSO the fact that now girls are increasing ever more punished for standing up against sexual oppression.

I do not care for the welfare of anybody that chooses to sexually harass my children

He was not the victim here. I agree.