DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

[olayjer]

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

She could have just said fuck off

A fine response NOT!!
Swearing and inappropriate acronyms like KYS are so commonplace and normalised it's impossible for young people to filter what's good from what's unacceptable. Parents and have difficulty keeping up so they don't stand a chance.

@Daisychain01, you are just too pure for this cruel world.

So the next time a girl is sexually harassed by a boy she has to be careful when retaliating that her language does not cause any offence. His welfare should be foremost at all time.

No, not at all. His welfare is not her concern.

The fact she flippantly uses that phrase is.

I wouldn’t have an issue if my DD or DSDs told someone harassing them to fuck off. In fact, I’d tell him the same.

But I’d be making damn sure my child wasn’t using a phrase used to drive people to suicide, ever.

So the next time a girl is sexually harassed by a boy she has to be careful when retaliating that her language does not cause any offence. His welfare should be foremost at all time

Madness isn’t it

Two wrongs do not make a right. Ever. If young people are taught like I was to never let themselves be dragged into the gutter by someone already down there, it is far more empowering than becoming foul mouthed themselves.

Young people need to seek employment and be able to operate professionally, how is teaching them to f and blind ever going to prepare them for success?

Stop minimising the sending of porn links to a 13 year old

I will rephrase that: trying to trick a 13 year old into clicking on porn links. Although it comes to the same thing.

But I’d be making damn sure my child wasn’t using a phrase used to drive people to suicide, ever.

Really? So if your daughter was inappropriately touched or - God forbid - sexually assaulted by a male, you'd care about what phrase she used?

At the age of 13, there's a good that this may be the only time in her life when she can tell harassers to KYS/DD/GFY. A lot of boys are still fairly small at that age - she may be bigger and physically stronger than any antagonist.

As an adult, when I am the subject of sexual harassment/unwanted comments etc, in my head I may be singing 🎵 Fuck off and die, you cunt 🎵 to the tune of Jingle Bells, but it'd be taking a risk to say that aloud to an adult male, particularly a stranger.

Honestly I'm shocked by all the posters who think someone saying "KYS" as a one off in response to shitty behaviour, will drive someone to suicide.
This is the internet, where people tell other people to "go diaf" (die in a fire,) go play in traffic, go kill yourself (without the abbreviation), go fuck yourself, etc. These are expressions of disgust and anger, in response to nasty, gross behaviour.
And as such, totally fine.
Now, IF someone targets a person who isn't awful to them, who they simply don't like - and not in response to anything like OP's daughter experienced - tells them to do those things, then yes it's bullying and could push vulnerable victims toward suicide. But those same victims could be just as driven toward suicide by "you're worthless" and "everyone hates you", with no mention of "KYS." Any nasty, exclusionary behaviour could cause that.
But basically: if someone online is an asshole to you, saying "go kill yourself" is actually no big deal. Really.
But if you go out of your way to say "go kill yourself" to a person who you just don't like, then that's wrong. Just as much as it would be wrong to say "I hate you" or "you're shit" or any other nasty phrase.
Bullying is wrong. Being a bitch to someone who was an asshole to you isn't.

Not at all Butchy I'm very capable of standing my ground, only on MN is the only alternative to teach young people that swearing is a viable option.

Believe me it wont have any effect on someone spreading porn around. It makes no difference to them because they are sick, damaged people themselves, but it diminishes the innocent victim by stooping to their level. Our family has never needed to f and blind to get our point across, but the new generation are being taught it's acceptable. Not in my house it isn't.

Two wrongs do not make a right. Ever. If young people are taught like I was to never let themselves be dragged into the gutter by someone already down there, it is far more empowering than becoming foul mouthed themselves.

Except it wouldn't be wrong to tell someone to fuck off in the context described.

And I disagree that being foul mouthed can't be empowering. It can feel bloody great sometimes.

Really? So if your daughter was inappropriately touched or - God forbid - sexually assaulted by a male, you'd care about what phrase she used?

Butchy that’s a spectacular twist of what I said. If my DD was inappropriately touched or sexually assaulted (thanks so much for putting that thought in my head this morning. She’s 5.) I’d get fucking arrested.

People are missing the point.

That OPs DD thought this was a nothing phrase, to be used at will.

THAT is the issue I have, not her responding to a pervy little creep.

Not sure how many more ways I can say that without being accused of minimising sexual aggression.

The comment about my DD being assaulted or inappropriately touched was not only irrelevant to this thread, since that thankfully didn’t happen to OPs DD, it was really fucking unpleasant.

I now have that thought in my head, while looking at my innocent wee 5 year old. But you made your point. Happy now?

This is the internet, where people tell other people to "go diaf" (die in a fire,) go play in traffic, go kill yourself (without the abbreviation), go fuck yourself, etc. These are expressions of disgust and anger, in response to nasty, gross behaviour. And as such, totally fine

I love it! "This is the Internet". It just shows people spend so long staring at their screen they now can't tell the difference between the Internet and the real world.

That's why society is becoming so damaged.

Our family has never needed to f and blind to get our point across, but the new generation are being taught it's acceptable. Not in my house it isn't.
My family never swore. Pure mouthed as shit. It didn't do a damn bit of good. My stepfather sexually abused me, pure mouthed and all, and I got punished for swearing about it years later to my mother, when I felt all alone in the world and completely unloved and thrown to the wolves.
As a parent myself now, my children see swear words just as "very emphatic words" and as such will use them in that way. If a boy sexually harrassed my daughter, I'd hope she'd tell him to fuck off and die, and I wouldn't cry if he was dumb enough to take her advice literally.

I love it! "This is the Internet". It just shows people spend so long staring at their screen they now can't tell the difference between the Internet and the real world.
That's why society is becoming so damaged.

If a boy wants to send porn to a girl in the internet, to trick her into watching porn, then he only has himself to blame if she tells him to go kill himself.
Honestly, if the fact that people are hyperbolic on the internet is such a shock to you, perhaps you need to catch up on the times.

This is the internet - one of the reasons teen mh is declining rapidly.

Clear lines help. No n, r word or telling other students to KYS

Although really, if a boy sexually harrassed my daughter that way in real life, I'd expect her to punch him in the face, kick him in the balls, and THEN tell him to crawl off and kill himself. So as far as I'm concerned, all being online and in text, he got off easy.

Tatiana,

You are deliberately misinterpreting posts. You said of me ‘you don’t think he has done anything wrong’. I have repeatedly said he has. Please quote my post where I said that he had not.

You, however, are repeatedly saying that he is guilty of sending porn, sexual harassment etc. Please show me one case where the sending of a google link to a name only has resulted in any law case, any disciplinary action at a workplace etc (in isolation, not as part of a bullying or harassment campaign)?

Schools, fortunately, exist in the real world, not in an impossibly ideal world.They know adolescents are chaotic and frequently inappropriate. However they sometimes (thanks to hysterical media campaigns) go down the road of zero tolerance. 3 days suspension for a silly phrase? Ludicrous!

You are doing exactly the same to many other posters to promote an agenda.

This is a post about a real boy and a real girl, not a theoretical discussion in FWR.

MarshaBradyo
Totally agree. Unless a student sends another student a link that leads to porn. In which case, the gloves are off.

Butchy that’s a spectacular twist of what I said. If my DD was inappropriately touched or sexually assaulted (thanks so much for putting that thought in my head this morning. She’s 5.) I’d get fucking arrested.

But it's not. If you wouldn't have a problem with her responding to someone in those circumstances by telling them to FO/DD/KYS, then it's a just a question of where you draw the line.

When I was inappropriately touched at high school, I responded by slapping the little creep upside the head and pushing me off his chair. And then the librarian came and threw him out the library (yay!) Luckily, I was able to do this before I was still bigger than him. It would be a different kettle of fish if someone tried that now.

The comment about my DD being assaulted or inappropriately touched was not only irrelevant to this thread, since that thankfully didn’t happen to OPs DD, it was really fucking unpleasant.

I now have that thought in my head, while looking at my innocent wee 5 year old. But you made your point. Happy now?

I think you are completely overreacting but the question stands with reference to any woman or girl, would they be wrong to tell someone who inappropriately touches/assaults them to KYC, etc?

And if you say, "no, of course not, it's fine then", then it's a question of when you think it's acceptable to say such a thing. I think it's acceptable to tell someone to KYC/DD/GFY in the situation described in the OP.

Oh an no porn / sexual harassment too - include that

I responded by slapping the little creep upside the head and pushing me off his chair.

*Pushing HIM off his chair.

And if you say, "no, of course not, it's fine then", then it's a question of when you think it's acceptable to say such a thing. I think it's acceptable to tell someone to KYC/DD/GFY in the situation described in the OP.

It’s never appropriate to use those words. There are many and varied ways she could have responded.

I asked earlier if she’d used the N word or the R word in her response, would that have been ok? Nobody responded because it didn’t fit their agenda.

I asked earlier if she’d used the N word or the R word in her response, would that have been ok? Nobody responded because it didn’t fit their agenda.
That would be racist or disablist. But telling an asshole to kill themselves isn't either of those things.

BUT NOT IN OTHER SITUATIONS. Which is the point I’ve been trying (and apparently failing for the hard of thinking) to make.

But it isn't the point you've been trying to make. You've said consistently that you think she was wrong to say KYS (I have no idea why I keep saying KYC) in the circumstances described.

Bringing my own DD into it was a shitty thing to do. I always thought you were alright, obviously I was wrong.

Yes, I would agree that you were (very) wrong. How can someone else be always right? And I still think you're overreacting. I didn't even know that you had a DD. I don't. But if someone said to me, "imagine if that happened to your daughter", I would know what they meant. It's a standard enough thing to say.

But aye, crack on. Because I’ve never defended the boy, neither have I said OPs DD didn’t have the right to respond robustly.

I never said that you defended the boy. I know that you didn't.

You’re a fucking cunt.

Okay...

It’s genuinely worrying the number of people on this thread who can’t see the difference between a girl actively setting out to bully a boy, and a girl reacting off the cuff to being sexually harassed by a boy. Who did actively set out to upset her.

Both in terms of the inability to comprehend a fairly simple idea, and the internalised misogyny.

No wonder things are as bad as they are for teenage girls in school. No wonder women’s and girls’ rights are being eroded these days. No wonder so few rape and sexual assault cases lead to a conviction.

“We” clearly still don’t believe, or value, women and girls.