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Original poster

DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

999 replies

olayjer · 12/10/2018 18:29

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

OP posts:
pyramidbutterflyfish · 13/10/2018 00:07

Tbf, I agree that an insult invoking self harm is more likely to be damaging than a simple obscenity. So she should have been pulled up on it. But a firm word or detention would have been sufficient. When I was at school a 3 day suspension was for GBH!

NarcolepticOuchMouse · 13/10/2018 00:10

Clearly you need to be supervising her playing Fortnite, as she obviously doesn't understand what's inappropriate that she's exposed to on there. I think 3 days is fair for telling someone to kill themselves, it's a vile thing to do.

Oakenbeach · 13/10/2018 00:11

Not that I’ve heard it for a while, but I remember “i’m going to kill you!” being used all the time!

Of course they didn’t actually mean that literally... However, these days I can imagine some people alerting the Police that they’ve been subjected to an actual death threat!

TatianaLarina · 13/10/2018 00:13

Tbf, I agree that an insult invoking self harm is more likely to be damaging than a simple obscenity.

It just does not stop. Shock

What is is clear from this thread is that mothers have their part to play in the minimising of sexual harassment and normalisation of and apologism for porn.

VerbeenaBeeks · 13/10/2018 00:16

Don't know if anyone else has, but I certainly haven't minimised what he did. I've repeatedly said that he should have a harsh punishment too.
Which he could have for all we know. He could be in weeks of internal exclusion due to home circumstances or anything.

TatianaLarina · 13/10/2018 00:18

I've repeatedly said that he should have a harsh punishment too.

But he didn’t which you’ve ignored, dodged, minimised for a whole thread.

It’s very clear you consider FYS far worse than sexual bullying and it’s very clear where your sympathies lie.

Thelaststand · 13/10/2018 00:20

just What on earth are you onConfused

Your posts are just becoming more and more bizzare.

You are making up lies about the op 13 year old dd. Which have been pointed out . Your are making creepy ‘not so innocent’ accusations about a young girl. And are now linking to cases which bear no resemblance to this situation what so ever.

I think it’s time you called it a night and go to bed ..

Monty27 · 13/10/2018 00:21

Vile behaviour on both parts.
They need to be taught how to behave towards others with respect.
How much further will they go? Hmm

VerbeenaBeeks · 13/10/2018 00:22

Not that I’ve heard it for a while, but I remember “i’m going to kill you!” being used all the time!

Presumably before social media was about and you were at school?
It's different seeing stuff written down. It's more threatening, serious, tone can be missed.
OP said it was sent via email.
A kill yourself or I'm going to kill you in writing to a sender - more threatening or serious than physically seeing a schoolmate stood next to you laughing or rolling their eyes or whatever saying,"ooh, going to kill you!"
Even so though, doesn't really make it much better to say.

TatianaLarina · 13/10/2018 00:23

I’m off to bed, utterly disgusted by some of the posters on this thread.

I shouldn’t mind so much, but I do because it affects all our DDs.

MidniteScribbler · 13/10/2018 00:23

Stop using fucking Fortnite as an excuse for children behaving badly. It's just like the stupid mother who said that her son couldn't be punished for breaking the rib of another child because 'he was just trying to show him a move from Fortnite'. Fuck off with that shit. Don't tell people to kill themselves, for any reason.

The boy was absolutely in the wrong and should be punished, but the mother of a 13 year old girl thinking that 'but it's on fortnite' absolves her of any guilt is also not teaching her child anything.

Oakenbeach · 13/10/2018 00:24

This complete inability to contextualise, and view everything in black and white seems to be a growing tendency and it is worrying...

If this boy had harassed and goaded the OP’s DD and she’d slapped him, we’d probablt have the same hyperbolic nonsense of “well, he might have fallen over and hit his head and then she’d be done for murder!” when until a few years ago, the response would have been “he probably deserved it”

Thelaststand · 13/10/2018 00:25

What is is clear from this thread is that mothers have their part to play in the minimising of sexual harassment and normalisation of and apologism for porn

I know. But I see it in RL too, my mil, aunt, friends, grandmother. It would be a very interesting thread to see where womens boundaries are.

VerbeenaBeeks · 13/10/2018 00:28

But he didn’t which you’ve ignored, dodged, minimised for a whole thread.

No, I have not. I have repeatedly said that we have not got a fucking clue what his punishment was as the school won't share that information with the OP.

It’s very clear you consider FYS far worse than sexual bullying and it’s very clear where your sympathies lie

So, so far from the truth. I have repeatedly said I want them BOTH to be punished as NEITHER is acceptable.
What he did was awful too.
FYS? It wasn't that at all. It was KYS. Totally different and more sinister. Presumably I just don''t 'get' that as I'm not OK with thinking it's only banter or I'm not a Fortnite player that posters have said it's from as I can't stand the bloody game (and it's re-enforced my resolve to keep the smallest's ban up on it if that's what it normalises on there.)

VerbeenaBeeks · 13/10/2018 00:32

It's just like the stupid mother who said that her son couldn't be punished for breaking the rib of another child because 'he was just trying to show him a move from Fortnite

Well, I'm with you there - the mother of that boy is bloody stupid then as of course he should be punished for breaking the rib of another child.
If my child broke a rib of another child from a move from there, damn right he should be punished for it.
Just like I'd be saying damn right he should be punished for it if he was trying to get girls to google porn.

BrownPaperTeddy · 13/10/2018 00:39

Oakenbeach

Schools are increasingly developing absolute rules, in my experience. So "if you do this then this will happen". I think it's so that there is fairness and transparency. No one is treated more or less favourably.

To use your example hitting for any reason isn't tolerated. No such thing as they deserved it.

Behaviour does seem worse now than when I was at school for example. Schools seem to be dealing with issues that weren't around then and some behaviours are more extreme.

I've been a school governor. We've excluded students for bringing knives or drugs into school, for fighting in or out of school, for serious bullying, for attacking staff, for behaviour so extreme that it's prompted the class needing to be evacuated for their safety.

I can understand why they are having to be much stricter now with behaviour management and I am including the boy in this.

On the face of it I can't understand why his punishment isn't at least as severe which is making me think there are factors which the OP is aware of.

I think in the first instance the OP should speak to the school, especially about the events leading up to this. Just don't minimise what your daughter said.

Justanotherlurker · 13/10/2018 00:40

You are making up lies

What lies?

I'm responding to the replies, the DD age is irrelevant and if you want to actually catch me out come out and say it. I have layed out my argument as to why the OP is BU in a blunt form, its not my problem that you find it difficult to dismiss my point in a more robust way other than coming to terms its a 50/50 scenario and using the meme KYS mean the situation is far more murky than the OP and some of the replies want to profess

BrownPaperTeddy · 13/10/2018 00:41

Sorry. That should be

factors that the OP isn't aware of

VerbeenaBeeks · 13/10/2018 00:43

Don't tell people to kill themselves, for any reason. The boy was absolutely in the wrong and should be punished, but the mother of a 13 year old girl thinking that 'but it's on fortnite' absolves her of any guilt is also not teaching her child anything.

Also agreeing with this bit - people saying nah, it's on Fortnite doesn't wash with me either.
KYS, never acceptable.
The girl was in the wrong too,for a different reason. Still wrong in what she did though.
It's not a joke. It shouldn't be trivialised, agreed.

EmperorTomatoRetchup · 13/10/2018 00:55

This complete inability to contextualise, and view everything in black and white seems to be a growing tendency and it is worrying...

The whole reaction from the school seems massively ott, the teacher could have just told them both to stop being so stupid and got on with the class, rather than using a sledgehammer to crack a nut.

VerbeenaBeeks · 13/10/2018 01:01

The whole reaction from the school seems massively ott, the teacher could have just told them both to stop being so stupid and got on with the class

What, so he should get away with getting her to google porn,and she should get away with telling him to go kill himself?
Erm, no. They both need dealing with and showing that's not acceptable.

Thelaststand · 13/10/2018 01:02

just you accused the 13 year old of knowing what it was before she googled it.

That was a lie. Your making stuff up.

You also don’t think porn is the issue here. That a boy was trying to get a 13 year old child to engage in porn. You also implied that was ‘wasn’t so innocent’ - she is 13.

I hope you don’t have any girls in your care.

moredoll · 13/10/2018 01:05

the DD age is irrelevant

B""""""s. Not only is her age relevant it's pivotal. This is a girl who is only just a teenager and who is beginning to learn how to relate to boys. Do you really imagine that this boy's behaviour is acceptable in any way?

fieryginger · 13/10/2018 01:07

Yabu. It's not a flippant thing to say to another teenager, I'm glad school are punishing her and you shouldn't take it lightly either.

You read, in the papers, kids who do kill themselves and the social media thread, often, leads back to bullying of some form. Imagine her telling him to kill himself and he actually did? Would you still think it a flippant remark?

Thelaststand · 13/10/2018 01:08

YOLO
SMH
LOL

Just because you know an acronym does not mean that at 13 your part of some ‘murky’ online presence or look at porn ffs Hmm

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