DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

[olayjer]

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

Licquourice - no they don't, it's much more complicated than that.
If someone's having a down day and are prone to blackness/depression/thinking they're not good enough/etc, it only takes one so called flippant "kill yourself" to horrible sliding thoughts of "well, I'm rubbish anyway, what's the point of me" etc.
Don't even. It's not a joke or flippant at all.

@pleasesleepinyourownbed never said she had no idea what it meant?

VerbeenaBeeks

Presumably if someone is that on the edge, anything that upsets someone could be the trigger. Must we refrain from saying anything negative to anyone, ever, even if they are bullying or harassing us, just in case they might be on the verge of killing themselves?

She was innocent. The boy sent her an email trying to get her to engage in sexual harassment. You can completely side step it if you like but thankfully many on here can see it for what it is.

Yup telling someone to kill themselves is totally innocent and totally justified, you trying to conflate it into sexual harassment is not in anyway portraying the daughter as innocent, the fact she knew it was a sexual search term before googling is automatically the boys fault, nope its fortnight, nasty boys, innocent teenage girl telling boys to kill themselves is totally the boys fault and not some murky grey middle ground, oh no.

@Justanotherlurker why are people making stuff up!? Where have you got the idea she knew it was a sexual term from? she didn't. Hence she googled it (the name is some fun, ridiculous name) DD Googled, she's just 13 fgs, was 12 a few weeks ago. She had no idea.

It's not really possible to say nothing negative ever, as that wouldn't be sustainable as we all get pissed off sometimes!
Kill yourself is a stark statement though, and different. Even if it is hidden behind twee abbreviations and apparently glorified in games like some are saying it is.
It shouldn't be normalised.

justanotherlurker

Take your problems with women elsewhere.

Where have you got the idea she knew it was a sexual term from?

It’s actually quite creepy, and very like what larrygrylls said. I’m guessing this poster may be male too.

Oakenbeach

Without the benefit of all the information in this case, I think what we are witnessing is schools having to try to deal with the mental health crises amongst pupils. I have been shocked on this thread by posters saying that saying this is common amongst students. Self harm, bullying, on line abuse and suicide is happening and schools do need to educate students about them. As I know they are educating about the issues of porn, consent, sexual harassment etc.

She didnt know it was a sexual term before she googled it. Go back and read the thread. So your argument is void.

It’s the second time you have accused this 13 year girl of looking at at porn previously when it’s just untrue. Your posts come across as deeply misogynistic.

So what if they are male? Why are we doing the guessing game thing again? They're allowed to post too.

It’s actually quite creepy, and very like what larrygrylls said. I’m guessing this poster may be male too

Isn’t it just. Chilling

I have been shocked on this thread by posters saying that saying this is common amongst students. Self harm, bullying, on line abuse and suicide is happening and schools do need to educate students about them.

Same, shocked that this is even a thing that presumed adults are saying, "oh it's just banter."
Well, if that's the case schools absolutely need to be cracking down on it, especially as it's just been World Mental Health Day!

If male posters post creepy misogyny shit about 13 year old girls they should be pulled up on it here, as anywhere.

the fact she knew it was a sexual search term before googling is automatically the boys fault, nope its fortnight, nasty boys, innocent teenage girl telling boys to kill themselves is totally the boys fault and not some murky grey middle ground, oh no

Don’t even know where to begin with this ...

How the hell do you know they're male? Why is the thread starting to descend into personal attacks for having a differing opinion too?

That flaming game again. I'm sick of it & my daughter doesn't even play it. It causes all sorts of trouble.

Telling anybody to kill them self at any age, in any kind of format is absolutely not ok in the slightest & I am glad school have came down on this like a ton of bricks, I wish all schools took this kind of thing so seriously in a time where mental health is declining & suicide increasing.

I'm not saying your daughter meant it or that she is a bad person at all, she's a teenager & obviously wasn't being serious. But I think children (everybody really) needs to learn very quickly & harshly the effects that a simple joke could have, which is sad, but true these days.

I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. How is it any different to telling someone to jump of a cliff?!

I don't give a shit whether "kill yourself" comes from a male or a female.
It is an absolutely shitty thing to say to someone regardless and absolutely they should be pulled up and dealt with whoever says it.
It should never be normal banter.

People don't kill themselves because someone flippantly says "KYS" - people who commit suicide do so because they can't see another way out, because their lives are miserable, because they have mental health problems, because they're being bullied, but not because someone replies to a prank with the equivalent of get screwed.

We have got into a situation where we are so apparently woke, were words have meanings and people should think about what they say, jokes can be harmful and triggering, but when it conflicts with our personal political beliefs it can be brushed off

This is IDPol in a nuthsell, as for dismissing jokes against mental health as it suits your narrative then its coming to bite you in the arse in the sense of the OP and a landmark case such as this

edition.cnn.com/2017/08/03/us/michelle-carter-texting-suicide-sentencing/index.html

This thread is disgusting in the attempts at re-framing the optics to a situation of minimising and victim blaming has become apparent due to the sexual orientation of those involved

I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. How is it any different to telling someone to jump of a cliff?!

It isn't really. But that was never an OK thing to say either.

Pretty sure it's illegal to show pornography to a minor. Even if telling a minor to do something you know will show them porn isn't technically against the law, it's absolutely wrongdoing.

Schools have legal duties regarding web filtering. While no filter is perfect, googling a known porn star name and getting pornography seems like a pretty big failing.

Since the school seem happy to whitewash the boy's borderline-criminal behaviour, YWNBU to raise shit over this.

I’m guessing they’re male from their disturbing comments about girls.

I’ve been around a while, it’s a very common meme. Having a problem with the idea that a 13 girl may innocent, a paranoia that boys/men are seen as nasty. And subtle attempts to insinuate a girl is ‘not so innocent’.

But I’m not ruling out a female misogynist. It’s unacceptable either way.

I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. How is it any different to telling someone to jump of a cliff?!

The slippery slope that apparently was a right wing bogey man

Safariboot - no-one is saying that what he did was acceptable, it absolutely wasn't and he needs harsh punishment too.
For all we know he's got it. Good if so.