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Original poster

DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

999 replies

olayjer · 12/10/2018 18:29

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

OP posts:
Thelaststand · 13/10/2018 01:10

the DD age is irrelevant

Creepy

SandyY2K · 13/10/2018 01:11

I think 3 days exclusion is harsh given the circumstances.

A boy at school told my DD he'd rape her and for no such punishment.

3 days would be justified in that situation. He just got spoken to.

I don't know if it wasn't taken seriously because they were in year 7...but I wasn't impressed.

EmperorTomatoRetchup · 13/10/2018 01:11

Get away with what? Acting like a pair of immature prats? Googling an actors name will not take you directly to pornographic content and her telling him to KYS wasn't part of sustained bullying and I doubt she meant it literally.

Two acts of silliness that caused no harm to either party. The rough side of the teachers' tongue would have been perfectly adequate in my opinion.

VerbeenaBeeks · 13/10/2018 01:13

I hate how it's trying to be spun into a feminist issue by some. It is not that at ALL.
Any boy trying to get girls to google porn, NOT OK and nor should it be ignored. Should be dealt with and punished.
Any girl/boy saying go kill yourself, NOT OK and never should be. Should also be dealt with and punished.

Doesn't matter who's doing it.

VerbeenaBeeks · 13/10/2018 01:16

Googling an actors name will not take you directly to pornographic content and her telling him to KYS wasn't part of sustained bullying and I doubt she meant it literally.

Egging on someone to google something inappropriate, not OK, needs dealing with.
Telling someone to kill themselves, whether part of sustained bullying or not, is never OK. So what if she didn't mean it literally?

EmperorTomatoRetchup · 13/10/2018 01:22

So what if she didn't mean it literally?

Because meaning, context and intent are important, maybe?

VerbeenaBeeks · 13/10/2018 01:26

Because meaning, context and intent are important, maybe?

Depends on who you're sending it to. Of that we have no way of knowing whether it's going to be taken seriously or laughed off.

EmperorTomatoRetchup · 13/10/2018 01:33

no way of knowing whether it's going to be taken seriously or laughed off.

Don't be overly dramatic, a single stupid Internet acronym isn't going to drive him to suicide, especially as this delicate petal was acting the daft twat moments early, anymore than telling some to 'go fuck themselves' will cause them to start instantly wanking themselves off.

BumDisease · 13/10/2018 01:35

OP are you really so stupid that you don't know what KYS means?

BrownPaperTeddy · 13/10/2018 01:35

So what if she didn't mean it literally?

Because meaning, context and intent are important, maybe?

I don't think the intent is important.

The school clearly feels the need to teach students that joking about suicide, making flippant comments etc isn't ok. They are trying to change the culture around this and good on them. Yes it's a harsh lesson for the OPs DD but all young people, and a good number of adults too, need to see the dangers of saying such things but also of having casual attitudes to joking about mental health issues.

Thelaststand · 13/10/2018 01:38

feminism
ˈfɛmɪnɪz(ə)m/Submit
noun
the advocacy of women's rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes

All females (children included) should have the right to be able to go to school or work and not be egged on to see/watch pornographic images.

Yeah I think it’s a feminist issue. Shame other women don’t think that

VerbeenaBeeks · 13/10/2018 01:41

Don't be overly dramatic, a single stupid Internet acronym isn't going to drive him to suicide

That's just it - hiding it behind a twee acronym doesn't make it any better. Why is it being seen as normal and just banter to say just go kill yourself?
It's not right whoever's saying it. Mental health is important too.

moredoll · 13/10/2018 01:43

I hate how it's trying to be spun into a feminist issue by some.

It is a feminist issue. How this boy sees women and girls is fundamental.

It's vital that his education should include an understanding of why it is wrong to try and intimidate a fellow student because she's s girl and who will naturally be upset and intimidated by pornographic images of women.

I agree that her response deserved to be punished.

BumDisease · 13/10/2018 01:43

^because of MN double standards. If this were a boy telling a girl to KYs they'd be baying for blood.

BrownPaperTeddy · 13/10/2018 01:44

Thelaststand

Of course women and children have that right. I think most posters agree with you.

Many of us also think that students have the right to go to school without being told to kill yourself, even if said "flippantly".

The OP absolutely should raise the porn/harassment issue with the school both to find out how it happened on this occasion but also to see how they intend to stop it from happening again.

None of that justifies what her daughter said though.

VerbeenaBeeks · 13/10/2018 01:45

All females (children included) should have the right to be able to go to school or work and not be egged on to see/watch pornographic images.

Damn right girls and women should have the right to go to school/work and not be egged on to see or watch pornographic images. Anyone doing that to them needs dealing with severely.
I'm in complete agreement so not sure why you think I'm not? Is it because I can see that the girl in question did something completely different, but also something awful that needed pulling up on and dealing with?

Thelaststand · 13/10/2018 01:46

*Many of us also think that students have the right to go to school without being told to kill yourself, even if said "flippantly"

How about ... if he wouldn’t have done it- she wouldn’t have said it..

VerbeenaBeeks · 13/10/2018 01:48

^because of MN double standards. If this were a boy telling a girl to KYs they'd be baying for blood

Aint that the truth. It's awful whoever it's coming from, and I'd say the same if it was flipped.

EmperorTomatoRetchup · 13/10/2018 01:49

That's just it - hiding it behind a twee acronym doesn't make it any better. Why is it being seen as normal and just banter to say just go kill yourself?
It's not right whoever's saying it. Mental health is important too.

I'm not saying it is normal or okay, but a stupid flippant one off comment doesn't warrant a three day suspension from school, that sort of punishment should be reserved for actual serious cyber bullying.

moredoll · 13/10/2018 01:51

Damn right girls and women should have the right to go to school/work and not be egged on to see or watch pornographic images. Anyone doing that to them needs dealing with severely.
I'm in complete agreement so not sure why you think I'm not? Is

Because upthread you say

I hate how it's trying to be spun into a feminist issue by some. It is not that at ALL.

Thelaststand · 13/10/2018 01:52

If any male tries to sexually harass or abuse any of my three dd I really wouldn’t care if they said that to them.

I really wouldn’t care about the supposed mental health of an abuser who was trying to hurt my dds.

VerbeenaBeeks · 13/10/2018 01:54

What if the "stupid flippant one off comment" was one of a few that they'd had going on and sent, coupled with anything that could be going on in their personal life?
Could be an accumulation of things.We'd have no way of knowing.
I personally could never tell someone so called flippantly to go kill themselves.
Same with drop dead back at school. Couldn't do that either.

VerbeenaBeeks · 13/10/2018 01:56

Moredoll - I can see that what he did was disgusting, but also that what she did as well was.
They both need dealing with severely. Doesn't mean that I'm minimising what he did, as I've said I hope he got a good punishment for it too.

Thelaststand · 13/10/2018 01:58

None of that justifies what her daughter said though

Just think it’s bizzare that posters prefer a 13 year old girl, a child, being exposed to phonographic acts is preferable to a boy being told drop dead in response.

Crazy Confused

VerbeenaBeeks · 13/10/2018 01:58

I see it as a PEOPLE issue.
Harassing females - not OK.
Telling someone to go kill themselves - not OK.

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