DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

[olayjer]

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

The suspension is for the use of "KYS", not for anything else

Are you going to push the school re the sexual harassment?

Has your DD at least learnt not to say that again? Better to have 3 days of school and learn a lesson, than accidentally say it to the wrong person and have to live with that I think.

The fortnite things an excuse, ive probably played it more than a lot of kids and ive never seen it, theres a global chat but ive never seen any messages.

hi, i've just signed up to be able to comment on this after reading the thread. first things first i'm not actually a mum (just thought i should say that as not sure if i'm OK to be here - hope so) but these are my thoughts:

what he did was a lot more serious. what she did wasn't great either.

he literally showed her pornographic images. when you google a name, or anything like dogs, cats etc films (a still photo) and images come up at the top. so she most likely saw the images. it's how google works.

secondly, KYS. anyone who watches much on youtube, goes on instagram or anywhere else will see that all the time, along with SMH, ILY, lol, anything like that. it's absolutely not the same as typing to someone "I think you should go and kill yourself". It shouldn't be used like it is in my opinion, but it's ultra popular and kind of a jokey thing friends say to each other... like if someone teased someone about their skirt or a running joke and they might say ugh kys and put the emote with crying with laughter etc - i'll say it again, i've never, not even once used that phrase as i don't agree with it but it's not a literal thing just like SMH doesn't mean someone is smashing their head on the table.

i can't think of a better comparison but reading this it seems like loads of people don't really have a grasp on what it means it's a bit like when a direct translation loses meaning... it is used very lightly by ppl on social media (it still isn't right to use it) but it doesn't carry the same power as telling someone to kill themselves. a bit like you might say PMSL when u find something funny but you're not actually pissing yourself laughing. or get fucked... which implies something quite hardcore but that isn't actually the meaning behind it, the meaning is "go away".

anyway...

yep i do think she should've been punished but i think his punishment should've been worse as he was the person that instigated it all, and sexual harrassment is so commonplace. it's sickening really. and often we're told to just brush it off, i know ive been told things were my fault for wearing leggings that showed my bum, that people would stare etc (gross man in corner shop) - instead of being able to wear what i wanted because i was hot.

so basically he told her to do that because he knew it would reveal on screen images of porn - i have no idea how bad they are, bc i don't know the name of the person and i don't have any desire to see it (i don't agree with porn because i feel there's no way of knowing whether the woman legitimately consented to being in it or was under pressure or financial pressure to do it/didn't really want to do it deep down).

teenage boys may think that kind of thing is funny and a prank but the problem is as many other ppl have pointed out on this thread, if they think that's ok, what's the next step, the next thing they think is ok - it HAS to be nipped in the bud and they are taught/actually get some understanding and explanation of WHY it is really not OK - like having it explained to them that someone may have a history of sexual assault, what it may feel like to see things like that if stuff has happened in their past, and if it has not, why it is wrong and why it isn't just a joke and may make someone genuinely feel uncomfortable and scared. they need to understand this.

i just feel sad we live in a world where this kind of thing is so commonplace and it is almost normalised. it's everywhere. i felt threatened growing up because of comments/actions of men and i just so very much wish things were different.

thanks if you read this massive post.

If I replied to someone who did that telling them to kill themselves I’d be fired

No shit. And you repeatedly minimise and gloss over the fact that this boy did not get the appropriate or commensurate punishment.

@CarolDanvers
Ok love.
Op I hope your daughter is ok. And has learnt a decent lesson in life never to jokingly or un-jokingly tell someone to kill themselves.
In future, if she really wanted to fuck him over, she should have repeatedly said it in whispers to him when no one else could hear. HTH

I’m not sure why people are getting so hung up the boys punishment or lack of- nobody knows his version of events or his circumstances which may put a completely different slant on how this is dealt with by the school.

School suspending your DD for 3 days is not personal- they have to ‘be seen’ to take comments like this very seriously especially with mental health issues so rife in young people. But I can see why it can be frustrating for you as it was a provoked reaction which has been taken out of context.

No-one’s saying sexual harassment is acceptable but the worst thing that could happen from typing a porn stars name into Google at school is that you would get into trouble for it. Porn isn’t going to pop up straight away! And since the girl would have had written evidence that she had been tricked into searching the name I doubt she’d actually have gotten into any trouble at all.
The worst thing that can happen if you tell someone to kill themselves is that they do it.
What would you rather happen to your child? They get tricked into seeing the Google result of a porn stars name or they kill themselves?

People commit suicide because they have serious ongoing mental health and personal problems

That isn't true. I've just been to the funeral of a 15 year old. Killed themselves after 1 argument. An argument that the rest of us would shrug off. No one knows what they intended to happen but sadly they were discovered too late.

It was a completely out of the blue event.

The upshot is that the parents of both children need to worry about their own child's behaviour and not be concerned about the other 's punishment as, rightly so, neither know anything about the other' s circumstances or what has actually been done.

Taking it to extremes, there are some children schools will do pretty much anything to avoid suspending because they're so much safer at school than they are at home. Inappropriate sexual behaviour can be a sign of abuse. Equal treatment doesn't mean the same.

Everything here is speculation of course and that's the point. No-one knows what's been done or why.

Also don't Google something someone tells you to Google?

No shit. And you repeatedly minimise and gloss over the fact that this boy did not get the appropriate or commensurate punishment

Nope again. I’ve repeatedly said he should be punished. I think they should both get the 3 day suspension and zero tolerance to both sexual harassment and telling people to kill themselves.

I’m pointing out both are wrong and you don’t get a get out of jail free card in life because someone else started it.

Same heckypeck, I've always said that what he did was disgusting and I hope his punishment was a seveer one as well.
They both deserve a 3 day punishment, zero tolerance for both acts.

Jesus Christ holdingon did you read that before you posted it?

No decent parent would encourage their child to whisper kill yourself repeatedly to another child.

severe, not seveer, doh

Kids at school used to try and trick each other into typing stuff in all the time. It was ‘blue waffle’ when I was younger. Someone’s tricked him first I presume, he found it funny and passed it on. Stupid but I doubt he was trying to make her actually watch porn. He’s 13 aswell they’re both saying and doing stupid stuff, “go die” was what we got at school but never got pulled up on it.

I’m glad there’s no tolerance for it in school now, but on the Xbox my dp sees “kill yourself” messages all the time. It’s no wonder kids think it’s ok to talk like that. She’s learnt actually it’s not ok, and hopefully he’s learnt too.

@HeckyPeck
I got fed up of saying how awful it was what she said and thought I would go full throttle the other way to prove my useless point!
It failed.

bum - yep pocs and stills from films do pop up straight away.

go to google and type in cats - i get at the top 3 videos of cats, then at the left 5 pics of cats, then 4 underneath.

it's the first thing i see.
it's the same for julia roberts etc. i have safe search on cos i don't like horrible images.

i did the same for bree olson, and i got stills, one wasn't great. and that's with safe search on. if school hadn't got that setting on google, then i don't know what would happen.

when you google things, the first thing i get is pictures, top row. and still shots taken from films.

I’ve just been to the funeral of a boy who was bullied to the point of killing himself, in the school toilets. The story is National news. Telling someone to kill themselves, however “lighthearted”, is not acceptable. I hope your DD understands that now, although quite why she didn’t understand it prior to this I will never understand.

The punishment for the boy is irrelevant. One does not detract from or add to the other. They are two separate “offences” with two separate punishments.

It’s not really something to joke about when people on this thread (including me) have lost people to suicide.

I’m out. Too upsetting to see how trivial people think the subject is.

Absolutely Bestseller. Children who the school suspect are being abused at home won’t be suspended but it doesn’t mean they won’t be receiving another equally severe in school consequence.
The op can’t dictate what consequence other children receive and the consequence her dd has received has been pretty lenient considering the seriousness of what she said. I also live in a Fortnite mad house and have never come across that abbreviation or ever known any of my kids to say it or hear it anywhere. It’s not just how kids talk ime.

I can guarantee you that it wouldn’t pop up on a school computer!

He instigated it and he committed an actual crime. Sexual harassment is a crime. Responding to that harassment with a tasteless slang acronym is not. Op, if I was you I'd be straight back to the school and asking them how they plan on dealing with the boy who sexually harassed your daughter and telling them legal action would be coming forthwith if they don't deal with it satisfactorily. And I wouldn't let it go. A girl was sexually harassed and they punished her for standing up to her harasser.

Yup, I get it, he's a kid and he probably doesn't have a clue about the seriousness of what he did. But how the fuck would he when what he has done is being treated like the lesser issue here. I'm the mother of a son and I would be fucking appalled if he pulled that shit on a girl and she got punished for it. I'd probably pull him out of the school because I wouldn't be ok with him being taught the message that he can harass women and then turn himself into the victim.

@HeckyPeck
Have you actually read any of my posts.
I was making a point of how it was being trivialised. Albeit not that well, but I was frustrated that no one seems to give a shit about saying what she did. I wasn’t making a joke out of it.

Kids at school used to try and trick each other into typing stuff in all the time. It was ‘blue waffle’ when I was younger

I've seen that one on MN too, posters trying to get others to google blue waffle, the other was dragon butter what I saw to do.
No way am I googling either as I'm too scared lol but some did.
With the inevitable WTF and I need brain bleach! posts followed. Would a "go kill yourself" to the poster saying google it, google it and you actually did be OK? No,it'd be deleted straight off by MN.
Plus, why the hell would you ever say that to someone anyway? You don't know who they are or what they're going through.
Most could laugh it off. Some might not be able to so easily.

The punishment of the boy is not fucking irrelevant and the OP absolutely has a right to know what way the school is ensuring her daughter's safety from sexual harassment.