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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

999 replies

olayjer · 12/10/2018 18:29

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

OP posts:
CarolDanvers · 12/10/2018 22:10

@Holdingonbarely why so aggressive?

TatianaLarina · 12/10/2018 22:11

Other than that he wasn’t suspended.

The fact he wasn’t suspended is all she needs to know. Whether it was detentions or lines or a talking to - it wasn’t as serious.

VerbeenaBeeks · 12/10/2018 22:11

Well obviously they're not going to tell me BUT I think by the head of years response it clearly isn't as a severe punishment as my daughters

You asked, they told you they'd spoken to him about his behaviour. That sounds standard to give you a stock non committal answer to that.
You don't know what his punishment actually was, so no idea if it was a harsh one as well.

Holdingonbarely · 12/10/2018 22:12

No one is blaming the girl
People are blaming a human for telling another human to go kill them selves and thinks it’s such an easy off the cuff thing to say that any punishment is not deserved.
Personally I would hope the boy got a suspension too. But as not one of us know what punishment he got, we can’t really comment on that.

HeckyPeck · 12/10/2018 22:12

And is happy for her to be more severely punished for so doing than the boy who harassed her.

I’m probably one of the more vocal ones about zero tolerance to telling people to kill themselves and I think they should have the same punishment. Definitely don’t think the boy should get off Scott free.

Original poster
olayjer · 12/10/2018 22:12

It wasn't a suspension, which is seen as the most severe before long term suspension and expelled... so it was less that hers.

OP posts:
TalkingintheDark · 12/10/2018 22:12

Verbena I didn’t actually ask for the thread to be pulled in my report to MNHQ, but you go right ahead and imagine what you will!

Thelaststand · 12/10/2018 22:13

here

The link is a short article about the statistics of sexual assaults and harassment epidemic in our schools

There is a extremely shocking culture of turning a blind eye to sexual assaults and harassment in schools. Our kids go to school to be safe, but more and more our girls are being subjected to sexual harassment and assualts every day.

What this young lad did - was sexually harass a young girl and she was punished more heavily than he was.

Women on this thread are more concerned about this boys mental health than the real victims.

It’s a sad state of affairs

TatianaLarina · 12/10/2018 22:13

But he is the same age as her and, in a few years time, is she suggested to a colleague that he kill him self she would also be in serious trouble.

If this boy tricked a colleague into clicking on a porn link he would in serious trouble for a) sexual harassment and b) accessing porn at work (a sackable offence).

Holdingonbarely · 12/10/2018 22:14

@CarolDanvers
Because I am fed up of parents excising shitty behaviour, I would say the same to the parents of the boy if they came on here saying it was only a joke or some other shit.

Never tell someone to kill themselves. How hard is that for people to accept. Really.

She fully admitted it was said flippantly, in life you learn what you can and can’t say flippantly, and guess fucking what. Telling people to kill themselves is not on that list of things to say.

TatianaLarina · 12/10/2018 22:14

There is a extremely shocking culture of turning a blind eye to sexual assaults and harassment in schools. Our kids go to school to be safe, but more and more our girls are being subjected to sexual harassment and assualts every day.

What this young lad did - was sexually harass a young girl and she was punished more heavily than he was.

Yep.

Holdingonbarely · 12/10/2018 22:14

Excusing

PodgeBod · 12/10/2018 22:15

I actually think the reaction is way OTT on all sides here. They are young. What he told her to do was inappropriate but I don't think it's sexual harassment to a kid. Just stupidness. Her reaction wasn't perfect but was well within the bounds of reasonable IMO. I think the school should have given them both a talk, more so him, rather then suspending her and making it into such a huge thing. Then they could both be in school learning and forgetting about it.

BrownPaperTeddy · 12/10/2018 22:15

Was the 3 day suspension just as a result of her saying this or is it a result of escalating behaviour?

larrygrylls · 12/10/2018 22:16

Podge,

Precisely.

KataraJean · 12/10/2018 22:16

The school won’t speak about a pupil to a person who is not their parent.

I think asking your DD to type a porn star’s name into the school google is sexual harassment to be honest. She is a thirteen year old girl. Did she know who it was? Imagine if she did it and was confronted by images. It is sexualising of women and using that to destabilise girls at school.

Where your DD went wrong was to respond as she did, rather than alert a member of staff. Had she just said no and told an adult, then she would not be in this position.

It is a learning experience for her, but I do think the school have a duty of care to their female pupils to stamp down on sexualising and sexist comments from male pupils.

VerbeenaBeeks · 12/10/2018 22:16

Women on this thread are more concerned about this boys mental health than the real victims

No, women on this thread have said that what he did was disgusting and shouldn't be tolerated either. I hope his punishment was a harsh one as well, we don't know what it was but I hope it was a harsh one as he deserves it.
She needs pulling out on what she did as well though as telling someone to go kill themselves is never okay, never funny, never banter and should be zero tolerance too.

HeckyPeck · 12/10/2018 22:16

If this boy tricked a colleague into clicking on a porn link he would in serious trouble for a) sexual harassment and b) accessing porn at work (a sackable offence).

If I replied to someone who did that telling them to kill themselves I’d be fired as well for gross misconduct. I’d be expected to report it to HR and let them deal with it.

Holdingonbarely · 12/10/2018 22:17

@HeckyPeck
Exactly
Shock

CarolDanvers · 12/10/2018 22:17

@Holdingonbarely still not necessary. For someone so vocal about telling OP how badly she and her dd are behaving you're not exactly covering yourself with glory. Let's hope the OP isn't triggered by your aggression eh?

TatianaLarina · 12/10/2018 22:18

What he told her to do was inappropriate but I don't think it's sexual harassment to a kid. Just stupidness.

Wtf? So if you sexually harass kids, it doesn’t count. That will cheer a lot of sex offenders up. Be absolutely clear that displaying sexual image and emails with a sexual content is sexual harassment.

tolerable · 12/10/2018 22:18

petitpamplemousse...and if you caught a student viewing porn on class computer you would...??

Original poster
olayjer · 12/10/2018 22:19

The suspension is for the use of "KYS", not for anything else.

OP posts:
PodgeBod · 12/10/2018 22:21

Tatiana well I am an adult and not a 13 year old speaking to another 13 year old. It's not the same.

CarolDanvers · 12/10/2018 22:21

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