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Original poster

DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

999 replies

olayjer · 12/10/2018 18:29

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

OP posts:
larrygrylls · 12/10/2018 22:04

Tatiana,

And you are way too invested in the boy being a devil and the girl an angel whereas the reality is that they are probably two kids who both made a mistake.

I don’t think either of them should be harshly dealt with unless there is far more to this than one inappropriate google suggestion and one robust reply.

Bullying requires a pattern of abuse and one suggestion of ‘kys’ from someone who is trying to set you up is not going to drive anyone to suicide. What did he expect her to reply?

Original poster
olayjer · 12/10/2018 22:05

Actually I never said school emailed to say they were punishing him to.

They never emailed me. I was at school collecting my daughter as she was sent home when her exclusion had been finalised and that's when the head of year said what I said in last post

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 12/10/2018 22:05

The are two posters who are repeatedly consistently in denial about the fact that this boy was not suspended. Whatever punishment he got from the school it was not as serious as that.

That is not ok because what they did was equally bad.

HeckyPeck · 12/10/2018 22:05

And I’d be taking it up with the school. Not to defend what the DD said, because it’s inexcusable, but to make sure the boy gets punished too.

Holdingonbarely · 12/10/2018 22:05

@TatianaLarina
Much like you can be charged with murder by being there even though you didn’t inflict the fatal act.
It’s swings and roundabouts, and fuck all to do with this.

Kokeshi123 · 12/10/2018 22:06

Is that what you think of people who kill themselves? They’re fragile flowerpots? Weak?

No.

I am saying that someone who killed themselves for no other reason than that someone used thee phrase "KYS" to them WOULD be a fragile flowerpot.

They don't exist, needless to say. People commit suicide because they have serious ongoing mental health and personal problems. There is no evidence that this boy does, and the fact that he apparently enjoys larking around deliberately trying to get people into trouble in order to have a giggle at their expense does not fit with the picture of someone who is actually at risk of suicide or self-harming.

VerbeenaBeeks · 12/10/2018 22:06

All I know is their head of year said "we have spoken to him about his behaviour" and when I asked oh has he been excluded, they said no he hasn't.

They're not going to go into it in any more detail with you though, you surely won't get to know his punishment.
They're going to be vague with you and not tell you details of punishment as you're not his parent.

Holdingonbarely · 12/10/2018 22:06

Op what punishment did the boy have? Really why can’t you answer that?

Original poster
olayjer · 12/10/2018 22:07

I literally just told you what I know. The head of year said they spoke to him about his behaviour.

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 12/10/2018 22:07

And you are way too invested in the boy being a devil and the girl an angel whereas the reality is that they are probably two kids who both made a mistake.

You are way too misogynist to be posting on this thread and if you write one more sentence about that includes the words 13 year old ‘girl’ and ‘angel’ I will report your arse. Understand?

moredoll · 12/10/2018 22:07

I do think you could usefully ask the school how they intend to tackle misogynistic bullying and porn. Not necessarily in the context of this incident, but in general.

If they've dealt with it already their teaching appears to have had little impact. And if they haven't - the kids are 13, aren't they leaving it a bit late? This is a matter the governors might like to consider.

Kokeshi123 · 12/10/2018 22:07

"they are probably two kids who both made a mistake."

The girl's reaction was wrong but it was an on-the-cuff reaction in response to being harassed.

The boy's action was calculated and premeditated. He could get into serious trouble if he did this in the workplace in just a few years' time. It may even be an illegal act (just thinking about the laws regarding minors using porn or exposing a minor to porn).

HeckyPeck · 12/10/2018 22:07

You can’t tell from one thing that someone does if they are suicidal or not.

Isn’t better to teach kids not to tell people to kill themselves in case they say it to the wrong person?

Original poster
olayjer · 12/10/2018 22:08

Well obviously they're not going to tell me BUT I think by the head of years response it clearly isn't as a severe punishment as my daughters.

OP posts:
Bestseller · 12/10/2018 22:08

Perhaps I should repeat that I sat in a meeting all morning where we discussed NINE local teenage suicides in the last 18 months. Six boys, three girls. Maybe that gives my responses more context, maybe it means I've reacted more strongly to the KYS than the sexual harassment.

Both are abhorent and IME would get similar punishments, which is what makes me think we don't know all the history.

IME a three day exclusion is highly unlikely for a first offence.

If they really were dealing with only these two events, they then they are wrong not to have punished the boy as harshly as the girl.

Holdingonbarely · 12/10/2018 22:08

So basically you know nothing about his punishment! Other than that he wasn’t suspended.
If you want him suspended then go and complain to the school and don’t come on mumsnet whingeing that your perfect daughter told someone flippantly to go kill themselves

PodgeBod · 12/10/2018 22:08

Why would OP know his punishment? I can't even find out which child in nursery school bit or hit my child let alone their punishment. No way do secondary schools reveal how they deal with kids misbehaviour.

TatianaLarina · 12/10/2018 22:09

Much like you can be charged with murder by being there even though you didn’t inflict the fatal act

You haven’t actually understood the issue of intent.

Original poster
olayjer · 12/10/2018 22:09

@Bestseller well they fished out that punishment for my daughters first offence. The head of year didn't even know her name before this incident.

OP posts:
TalkingintheDark · 12/10/2018 22:09

@Holdingonbarely yes exactly we have only the facts the OP has given so that is all we can assume we know and yet STILL the vast majority of posters on here have decided to blame the girl. The victim, as far as we know.

Of course we never know the whole story but the fact is that based on the information given the MN jury has found the girl guilty of responding inappropriately to being unexpectedly sexually harassed. And is happy for her to be more severely punished for so doing than the boy who harassed her.

That’s what’s disgusting. On a parenting site. Mainly aimed at women. That spearheads the “we believe you” campaign.

BakedBeans47 · 12/10/2018 22:09

Op what punishment did the boy have? Really why can’t you answer that?

Because she might not know? Schools aren’t in the habit of disseminating information about other kids.

Original poster
olayjer · 12/10/2018 22:10

"Perfect daughter". This this hit a nerve a bit?

OP posts:
Original poster
olayjer · 12/10/2018 22:10

"Perfect daughter". Think this hit a nerve a bit?

OP posts:
Bestseller · 12/10/2018 22:10

Or, it could be that the school have "over reacted" precisely because they know that the boy is vulnerable or maybe they're just incompetent. That's the trouble with these threads no-one, knows the full story.

larrygrylls · 12/10/2018 22:10

Kokeshi,

But he is the same age as her and, in a few years time, is she suggested to a colleague that he kill him self she would also be in serious trouble.

But it is not ‘in a few years time’, they are both 13.

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