DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

[olayjer]

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

And she got caught! So suffered the consequences, lots of people don’t. Doesn’t make it right.
Same goes for him. Let’s hope they both learned a lesson.

So depressing how many people are simply incapable of seeing the DARVO script that the boy played out here.

Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender

The Offender was the boy. He sexually harassed the girl, which is a form of bullying.

The Victim was the girl. She was the one harassed, bullied.

She reacted from that position. Not as a bully. But as someone bullied.

All you people supposedly so concerned about MH and bullying and suicidal teens, can’t you see that you’re just enabling the BULLY here?

If we really want to deal with bullying, we shouldn’t be coming down harder on the kids who are being bullied for their reaction than on the kids who are initiating the bullying in the first place! How fucking hard is this to understand?

@TatianaLarina
That’s such a stupid argument. So if you say I didn’t mean it, then it’s ok?
That’s the point of schools taking a hardline policy. There are no excuses. And that’s a good thing.
Oh yes ok pupil, you told someone to go kill themselves but you didn’t mean it, oh fine then

And she got caught! So suffered the consequences, lots of people don’t. Doesn’t make it right. Same goes for him. Let’s hope they both learned a lesson.

Exactly, I hope they both do.
What he did was disgusting and no-one has said otherwise,

Better she gets 3 day’s exclusion than says it to someone who actually does it and has that on her conscience for life. She didn’t realise what she said was serious - now she does.
I hope the boy has also been properly disciplined for the harassment and since you don’t actually know how he has been disciplined or his circumstances I don’t think you can complain. Your dds consequence is pretty lenient imo.

I'm just saying a three day suspension for a first offence, whatever it is, is highly unlikely

Yes I know you think the girl must be to blame somewhere.

We do know he hasn’t been suspended.

Actually my dd is really well behaved. Never had any behavioural problems before. Had the odd detention for gum and having her shirt untucked but that's it.

It is too young apparently for the boy to learn this.

Nope. I’m all for him being punished too.

I think schools should have zero tolerance to sexual harassment and to telling kids to kill themselves.

That’s such a stupid argument. So if you say I didn’t mean it, then it’s ok?

It’s exactly the same argument as the difference between manslaughter and murder. Intent is relevant wrt punishment.

@TalkingintheDark
How fucking hard is it to understand that we only have the girls parents pov here. You have no idea what his punishment was or what happened to him. If we were reading court records and it was proved he got away with what he did then I might agree, your surmising has no basis in fact. We only have the facts the op has given,

I’m all for him being punished too.

Except he wasn’t. And you’ve devoted zero attention to this.

I cannot believe people are now saying this poor boy is vulnerable?!

So op what was the boys punishment? Let’s get facts out

Nope. I’m all for him being punished too. I think schools should have zero tolerance to sexual harassment and to telling kids to kill themselves.

Same, damn right he should be punished, sexual harrassment is never OK.
Neither is telling someone to go kill themselves though.

poor little pet is such a fragile flowerpot that he is going "kill himself"

Is that what you think of people who kill themselves? They’re fragile flowerpots? Weak?

What a despicable thing to say. Particularly when you know people on here have lost family members to suicide.

You have no idea what his punishment was or what happened to him.

We know he wasn’t suspended like OP’s dd was and we know he hasn’t had to apologise because I am sure OP would have mentioned that.

You have no idea what his punishment was or what happened to him

We know he wasn’t suspended. Because OP said so on page 1. We know that their punishments were not commensurate.

Spot on @Kokeshi123 and yes indeed @TatianaLarina - always got to find a way to make it the girl’s fault, eh!

All I know is their head of year said "we have spoken to him about his behaviour" and when I asked oh has he been excluded, they said no he hasn't.

Except he wasn’t. And you’ve devoted zero attention to this.

I’ve repeatedly said I think he should be punished.

So op what was the boys punishment? Let’s get facts out

Exactly, we don't even know!
OP said school emailed to say they were dealing with him and punishing him too. I don't think they'd go into it any more than that with her seeing as she's not his parent?

A 3 day suspension for both of them would seem fair to me.

Haven't RTFT but I think this is beyond ridiculous. Typing "KYS" is not the same as a prolonged online bullying campaign.

I'm guessing your daughter has been caught up in some zero-tolerance policy and common sense has gone out of the window. All you can do now is support her.