DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

[olayjer]

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

She clearly didn’t issue an instruction to the boy to actually kill himself. As others have said it was along the lines of go fuck yourself.

Kill yourself is not the same as go fuck yourself. Nowhere near. It's trivialising it to say so.

She may have just said the worst thing she could think of in the heat of the moment, which is obviously awful, but not premeditated. The intent doesn’t seem as if it was there.

Yes. She made a knee-jerk response without thinking because she was degraded and humiliated.

The school should have considered this.

Is it any wonder that the rate of mental illness, ED’s self harm and suicide is high among teenage girls given that they’re surrounded by porn and sexual harassment, and their own school turns a blind eye?

The intent behind the person telling you to kill yourself is irrelevant to the person hearing it, if that person is a vulnerable person.

The man who told my family member to kill themselves didn’t mean it. He probably meant fuck off or something similar. He says he’ll aways have to live with not knowing how things might have been different if he’d thought about the impact of his words more carefully.

I can guarantee he would never say that to anyone under any circumstances now.

You're reporting the thread as you don't like people disagreeing with you? That's ridiculous

You can’t really be that stupid? You didn’t understand a word of that post did you?

Talkinginthedark - everyone has said that he was disgusting too and is quite rightly getting punished for it (details of we don't know, just that he is)
Why should she be able to tell people to go kill themselves over it?
People on here saying it's just banter. No, it really shouldn't be if so.Ever.

The intent behind the person telling you to kill yourself is irrelevant to the person hearing it

It may be not be relevant to the person hearing it but it is to the degree of culpability of the girl, particularly given she’s 13.

We don't know if they were equally wrong. IME even for something so vile as KYS, an external suspension is unlikely. However, if it was the final straw in a campaign of bullying behaviour, that would be different.

Everyone is assuming that the DD is an angel who responded to the harassment of the boy. What if his email was a response to a campaign against him? That seems far more likely, if the punishments are so unequal.

Has OP been back?

The intent behind the person telling you to kill yourself is irrelevant to the person hearing it, if that person is a vulnerable person.

But it wasn't a vulnerable person. It was a teenage boy being a little shit. But being a boy, his need to be a little shit trumps the OP's DD's need to tell him to take a long walk off a short bridge. or fuck off or whatever.

Intent is irrelevant and as someone who sits with suicidal teens for a living I promise if a kid throws out a KYS even as a "joke" it can be the final straw (I understand that isn't the context here). But the school have to respond to both parties' actions. We only have one Mum posting so who knows what happened to the other teenager.

quite rightly getting punished for it (details of we don't know, just that he is)

We know that he has not been suspended for 3 days.

We know that the school has not come down so harshly on sexual harassment as it has to a knee jerk response to it.

If she'd said "fuck yourself", the punishment would be too harsh.

The fact that she said "kill yourself" means the school have to send a strong message about the unacceptability...and so should you.

It may be not be relevant to the person hearing it but it is to the degree of culpability of the girl, particularly given she’s 13.

13 isn’t too young to learn that actions can have unintended consequences.

The people involved in my experience weren’t much older.

Hopefully the DD learns not to use that phrase again and the OP can support her to learn appropriately ways to stand up for herself.

She didn’t say “kill yourself”. She sent an abbreviation which in parlance is equivalent to “go fuck yourself”.

Everyone is assuming that the DD is an angel

Of course and misogynists don’t like the idea of 13 year old girls as ‘angels’ and always rail against it.

Believe me Elephant, some of the biggest suicide risks are also little shits. You don't become a little shit because you have a joyous love of life.

Wow.
Teenagers flippantly telling each other to kill themselves.....

What a wonderful world to raise kids in

13 isn’t too young to learn that actions can have unintended consequences.

It is too young apparently for the boy to learn this.

You all have such measured responses, both sides of this: those of you who are sticking up for the right of girls NOT to be sexually harassed by their peers AND those of you who are aware that telling someone to kill themselves isn't the way to go. So why on earth aren't you advocating for the mum of this lass to sit down and explain to her exactly what the vast majority have come out and said: this lad is a stupid fucking little shit. She should have stuck up for herself, and her mum should be giving her the tools to do that with. But not by telling the little cunt to kill himself.

It’s vile. End of. I wouldn’t say it to my worst enemy
And yes EVERYONE had to check themselves with what they say and do. The boy included.
She didn’t tell him to fuck off. She flippantly told someone to KLS.
No one should use that term flippantly without suffering the consequences
Why is that so fucking hard for people to understand

It's such a terrible time to be a boy. You can't even send girls porn links any more.

I don't understand that Tatiana. I'm just saying a three day suspension for a first offence, whatever it is, is highly unlikely

Oh look, insults again as people have a different viewpoint.
People on here are saying what she did was disgusting too.
You're seeing a thread with a lot of different opinions to your own, you want the thread pulled. Says it all.

And also, how about the boy takes a bit of responsibility for himself as opposed to looking to blame the girl for something she only sent as a response to being sent vile content?

But it wasn't a vulnerable person. It was a teenage boy being a little shit. But being a boy, his need to be a little shit trumps the OP's DD's need to tell him to take a long walk off a short bridge. or fuck off or whatever.

The DD has absolutely no way of knowing if he was vulnerable or not. People can hide these things very well.

The DD has no “need” to tell anyone to kill themselves. If she’d have said fuck off I’d be agreeing the punishment was too harsh.

Would you think it was ok if she’d called him a racial slur in retaliation?

Intent is irrelevant

Of course it’s relevant wrt her punishment. It is a far greater crime to tell someone to kill themselves and mean it.