DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

[olayjer]

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

Because, Marsha, when she said KYS, she didn’t literally mean for him to kill himself, just like “go fuck yourself” doesn’t really mean that, nor does “I could kill you” or “go and take a long walk.....” etc etc

This thread is ruining my evening! The boy was wrong. What next? Sending actual porn? Dick pics? It seems like he thinks attacking young girls to embarrass them sexually is his thing. He is enjoying it. KYS = go fuck yourself in an evolved language. This shit changes. Language evolves. KMT/KYS.

It is still never appropriate for a boy to send pornographic links to a girl. What if she has been abused by someone forcing her to watch porn - as valid an argument as what if he was having issues ...

But it's ok. When a 13 year old girl stands up for herself it's her fault. Welcome to the world #metoo

The boy, who is hardly a victim here and in fact a harasser and snitch, will now be emboldened in his actions because the school has made a statement that saying an ill-advised KYS in context is far more serious than his attempt to make her watch porn and get her into trouble at school.

I’d worry that this^^ might be the case too.

Assuming, as we don’t know, that he isn’t a “victim” or on the brink of serious self harm that is.

If he is just an unpleasant young lad who felt like upsetting a young girl by showing her porn, (which actually is so fucked up it makes me shudder), and not a poor victim, then if he hasn’t been punished to the same extent as the op’s dd (as the op says he hasn’t), that is extremely worrying.

But there are a whole lot of “ifs” there as, with all mn threads, there’s a lot we don’t and won’t ever know.

I don’t think anyone has said he wasn’t wrong and that he shouldn’t be punished? I know I certainly haven’t anyway. I’m just very concerned at how many people are trivialising suicide amongst an age group where suicide is increasing year on year

Nobody has, anywhere.Everyone's in agreement that what he did was disgusting and is quite rightly being punished too (which we don't know what that entails)
OP asked if she was being U thinking her dd was being unfairly punished.
People said what she did was awful too, and too right she should be punished too.
They're BOTH in the wrong.

13 Reasons why- the suicide netflix teen drama is being talked about a lot at work (I run bereavement and MH groups including at schools following a suicide). It's essential schools take this stuff seriously.

Your daughter said "KYS" to another kid, and this is what you did, right? You sat down and spent the evening with her explaining why, although "KYS" may just seem like letters on a keyboard/phone screen, it is actually an extremely serious thing to say and here is why? You also apologized to her for not having been savvy enough about phone safety and teen communication systems until now to have discussed with her how to deal with the kind of thing that the boy taunted her to do without resorting to what she did? You helped her to find coping strategies when she felt pushed to her absolute limits, to enable her to feel that her own dignity was worth sticking up for? But at the same time you opened up a channel of discussion about how young people can often taunt each other to the point where suicidal impulses seem like a reasonable thing to do? You involved wider members of her family - her dad, if he is on the scene and/or siblings, to help her to understand that, whilst the world of social media, phone networks, misogyny and mental health is a challenging and sometimes scary place, it is something that we all as a community need to help each other navigate? You did all that right? Before you came on Mumsnet and tried to go tit-for-tat as to whether her exclusion outweighed the original offence?

It’s still not interchangeable Shopping

Fortnite is too blame !

It is still never appropriate for a boy to send pornographic links to a girl. What if she has been abused by someone forcing her to watch porn - as valid an argument as what if he was having issues ...

Who said it was? Everyone is saying that what he did was disgusting and that he should be punished too.
She shouldn't get a free pass at mental health jabs though just because she's female.
BOTH ARE WRONG AND SHOULD BE PUNISHED.

Fortnite is too blame !

Fucking bastarding shiting Fortnite!!!! (that felt better lol)

Another reason to keep it on the banned list for the smallest who can't cope with it then.....

Has anyone actually said the boy wasn’t in the wrong?

He was in the wrong.

She was also in the wrong.

Teen suicide rates are the highest they’ve ever been. Schools simply can’t allow pupils to tell each other to kill themselves.

If she’d replied fuck of (insert racial slur here) to him, would that also be ok because he started it? No of course not.

If she’d not have replied and reported it or even just said fuck off she’d be in school as usual and he’d be the only one being punished.

Do people not see why schools can’t allow kill yourself to become normal language?

Why do people keep swapping terms - it’s not interchangeable with take a walk or whatever (reminds me of smack / tapping threads) Well I guess it was for her - or are you really suggesting she wanted him to kill himself? Complete overreaction by the school.

Yeah I think the conversation has moved on a bit verbeena, but you’re right that neither of them were on their best behaviour.

I think, based purely on what the op says, that what he did might be slightly worse though, as he planned it. Pretty disgusting.

She may have just said the worst thing she could think of in the heat of the moment, which is obviously awful, but not premeditated. The intent doesn’t seem as if it was there.

But it did need to be punished as it shouldn’t become normalised as you’ve said. Not as much as three days suspension imo (you disagree). I also really don’t think she should have had a more serious punishment than the boy, as it sounds she has, unless there’s something the op left out. Like that her dd had been torturing this boy for months beforehand or something.

If the disparity in punishments is as it seems, I'd almost guarantee that this was a first offence for the boy while the DD has history.

I don't think anyone has said what the boy has done isn't vile and despicable, but what she has done is horrendous too.

Love that people are trying to blame a game. NOWHERE in the game are things like this said, and if your kid has had them said to them by another, you haven't set your parental controls correctly.

Well then she’s learnt it’s not ok and the school has zero tolerance which is a good thing

They're BOTH in the wrong.

But the school does not see them as equally in the wrong. He did not get suspended. Do you not understand that?

KYS = drop dead, 2018 version. If it’s said in a targeted campaign of bullying against someone less powerful, it’s a vile and disgusting thing to say. As indeed is pretty much anything said in that context.

But that wasn’t this. This was “drop dead” to the office creep who calls you over to look at something “important” on his computer, and you get there and it’s “lusty babes” that you’d really rather not see.

Seriously. How can anyone not get that?

Agree completely Heckypeck.

It shouldn't ever be normalised and schools HAVE to be seen to be taking mental health seriously.

They're BOTH in the wrong.
But the school does not see them as equally in the wrong. He did not get suspended. Do you not understand that?

Yes, but what was his punishment? Do we even know?!

She clearly didn’t issue an instruction to the boy to actually kill himself. As others have said it was along the lines of go fuck yourself. What an overreaction from many here as well as the school and this horrible wee dick will now feel emboldened in sending similar vileness in future.

Homeless hostels don't charge.

I've seen it a lot in some areas - street begging with the same storyline along with the woman with a kid in a buggy asking for £3.50 for the bus for whatever appointment she has to get to in the next town - repeatedly, day after day...

Drop dead has never been an OK thing to say either to anyone.

Watch out girls! Watch out women! When a man sexually harasses or assaults you, make sure above all that your response is above reproach!

You’re not allowed a kneejerk reaction, even though you are the aggressed and he’s the aggressor. You carry the responsibility for managing the situation correctly, however much in shock and upset you might be.

Females, know your place.