DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

[olayjer]

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

Haven't read the entire thread, but I grew up in a world where parents said "I'll kill you" to their kids at the drop of a hat, so I'm not certain about all this.

We don't know what the boy's punishment was. I'd expect it to be severe too, but it doesn't excuse the DD's response and she wasn't harshly treated.

OP may know he hasn’t been suspended

Self-correction: she does know he has not been suspended as she says so on page 1.

What a bizarre thread this has turned out to be.

I'm with the minority it seems, as I think what that boy did was far worse. I don't see how what the daughter said is any worse than telling someone to go "jump off a cliff", which is basically telling someone to do one.

On games using the N word (degrotory world for black). Would be fine because its used a lot in call of duty?

No thought not telling someone to kill themselves right now when we have the highest young person suicide rate ever SHOULD be treated as seriosly as racist slurs they are both just as bad as each other unless you think being suspended for racist comments is too harsh?

That’s speculation on your part. OP may know he hasn’t been suspended. If OP says that he ‘clearly’ has not been punished as much as her DD, who are you to gainsay that?

Do teachers really discuss other pupil's behaviour and discipline measures with other parents not related to them?
I've always seen that they tell you the details of your own child's punishments/sanctions.
If your child is being bullied or harrassed, you don't usually get told what happens to the bully.They don't share that information with you, as that's for their parents to deal with them.

It shouldn’t be known as just a slang comment for school children

I don’t think anyone has said he wasn’t wrong and that he shouldn’t be punished?

I know I certainly haven’t anyway.

I’m just very concerned at how many people are trivialising suicide amongst an age group where suicide is increasing year on year.

When I was about 14, a flasher exposed himself to me in the local park. I shouted at him to drop dead and ran off . I arrived home shaking and upset, my Mother told me I had done the right thing. Obviously she should have immediately grounded me for upsetting the poor man.

Jesus wept, I worry for the state of the world.

WTF happened to #metoo and we believe you? This boy SEXUALLY HARASSED the OPs DD and she just reacted, and yet she gets the much more severe punishment? And there’s muppet after muppet on here saying she deserved it?

So if you said “drop dead” to a male colleague in response to him tricking you into looking at porn, you think you should be disciplined and sanctioned more heavily than him? Because that is what happened here.

She didn’t try and incite someone vulnerable to kill themselves. She didn’t conduct a campaign of bullying. She wasn’t messing with someone for her own kicks.

She told a boy who SEXUALLY HARASSED her to fuck off. And the only thing she’s going to learn from this is that next time a boy sexually harasses her - and there WILL be a next time, the levels of sexual harassment that girls experience from boys in UK schools is horrendous - she should just STFU and suck it up.

Under His Eye, alright. I’m reporting this thread because I think the levels of apologism for what was clear cut sexual harassment are absolutely vile and intolerable. Anyone minimising what this boy did and not recognising that the girl was reacting to being SEXUALLY HARASSED is enabling the culture whereby boys and men get away with this shit all the time. And that’s disgusting.

As above Verbeena - OP knows the boy was not suspended. Teachers aren’t relevant, DD’s friends will know that the boy is at school.

Only three days? 😮

Sounds like two well matched teenagers, neither traumatised and honours even.

I am sure the OP’s daughter knew that the Google suggestion was not kosher and I am sure the boy knew the OP’s daughter’s reply was just the equivalent of ‘fuck off’. And that is where it should have ended.

However adults are now playing victim top trumps over teenage banter (in the old fashioned sense of the word). I bid ‘incitement to suicide’, raise you to ‘sexual harassment’ etc

Context is everything and I am not sure either child needed much besides a telling off.

I don't see how what the daughter said is any worse than telling someone to go "jump off a cliff", which is basically telling someone to do one

This is what's wrong with this thread it is NOT banter as someone said upthread to tell themselves to go kill themselves, it's not fucking funny, neither is it anything like saying do one.
For the record, saying go jump off a cliff is a bloody horrible thing to say too. That's never been funny or banter either.

Kids (esp who play fortnite) use KYS a lot in a very casual way. It’s not meant literally obviously, is another way of saying fuck off or whatever. And sort of like ‘lol’ it has become contagious.
Unless the boy was being bullied and repeatedly told to actually kill himself, I doubt your DD meant real harm by it or understood what it may have caused.
School should have made her aware of this. Or at least, if she had to be suspended, also suspend the boy sexually harassing someone

Is it possible we haven't heard the full story?

IMO these are both very serious matters and IME would likely carry similar punishments. If they haven't it could well be because DD was already on a final warning perhaps?

Schools don't exclude lightly because OFSTED don't like it.

While porn is just hilarious. Toxic masculinity, rape and sexual harassment no where near as serious.

As I said I'm not excusing it. It's disgusting and and the fact that he is even aware of this porn star's name is an issue in itself and worrying but his parents aren't here as far as we know and he IS being punished. None of us actually know to what extent.

Yeah ok, he is very unlikely to actually kill himself but that isn't the point. It's normalising the phrase. By that logic, it's fine to call someone a retard as long as they don't actually have SEN. It shouldn't be slang, suicide is nothing to fucking joke about. I suffer from depression and am often suicidal myself so am possibly being a little sensitive but I really do think that the girl in this scenario is just as much in the wrong as the boy. The DD's punishment isn't too harsh at all. The boy's punishment, from what we know, is far too soft, but that's another matter.

She didn’t tell him to fuck off
This is the first time I’ve heard the phrase, glad people are intolerant of it

Underlying all of this is a school that does not take sexual harassment seriously.

Yes. The boy, who is hardly a victim here and in fact a harasser and snitch, will now be emboldened in his actions because the school has made a statement that saying an ill-advised KYS in context is far more serious than his attempt to make her watch porn and get her into trouble at school.

Sounds like the school has lost its senses.

She told a boy who SEXUALLY HARASSED her to fuck off.

No she didn't, she said go kill yourself.That is not the same.
You're reporting the thread as you don't like people disagreeing with you? That's ridiculous.

She told a boy who SEXUALLY HARASSED her to fuck off. And the only thing she’s going to learn from this is that next time a boy sexually harasses her - and there WILL be a next time, the levels of sexual harassment that girls experience from boys in UK schools is horrendous - she should just STFU and suck it up

Yep.

Some of the women on this thread should be ashamed of themselves.

Why do people keep swapping terms - it’s not interchangeable with take a walk or whatever (reminds me of smack / tapping threads)

Kids (esp who play fortnite) use KYS a lot in a very casual way. It’s not meant literally obviously, is another way of saying fuck off or whatever.

Which is why when it's seen and brought to their attention, it absolutely should be highlighted too as it is not another way of saying fuck off.
Saying kill yourself shouldn't be a casual thing to do.

No one is minimising eh?

But let’s not paint OPs DD as some damsel in distress eh?

The boys actions, whilst not great was in no way as serious.

I don’t know if it would stand up in law / the courts as sexual harassment

He didn’t send porn.

He sent a name and told her to google it. Immature and unpleasant, but is it sexual harassment?

See he didn't actually send porn and sexual harassment isn't that serious really.