DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

[olayjer]

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

I cannot understand the attitude on here.

I'm with mummyoflittledragon

@caitlinohara beggars belief doesn't it?

@Thelaststand
Is this a race to the bottom

I think it’s a ridiculous overreaction in the circumstances.

She used it to basically mean “fuck off” and he deserved to be told to fuck off.

If she had, apropos of nothing, sent someone a message saying “fuck off” that would be quite nasty and worrying. If they tried to get her into trouble/humiliate/ embarrass her, and she told them to fuck off, then that’s very different and fair enough.

I see this as exactly the same intention as the latter example.

He should be punished, and she should just be warned about the way her reply could have been taken and advised to think carefully about anything she writes in an email.

I do think giving the boy a less harsh punishment is absolutely sending the wrong message

What WAS the boys punishment, has anyone actually said? The boys mum isn't even on here,how would OP know the ins and out of his punishment? It's not her business, it's his parents.

Underlying all of this is a school that does not take sexual harassment seriously.

@holdingonbarely I am not saying it’s OK to say it, I’m saying the punishment is way OTT. A fixed term exclusion is normally used for things like severe bullying, physical assault, or swearing at/threatening a teacher. I don’t think what she said,
considering the context, warrants that. A long lecture and isolation maybe.

I'm not excusing the porn. I'm not. That was stupid and he shouldn't be looking it up himself never mind tricking his classmates into seeing it but telling someone to kill themselves, no matter how flippantly, is abhorrent.

I know for a fact that if someone had said that to me at 13 I'd have bloody gone and done it. People do kill themselves and it isn't bloody funny. Some people really are suffering that badly. It's not a joke and if that were my daughter, I'd be fucking ashamed of her.

It's right up there with retard and abortion jokes imo.

cait me either.

That was stupid and he shouldn't be looking it up himself never mind tricking his classmates into seeing it but telling someone to kill themselves, no matter how flippantly, is abhorrent.

So the one is stupid but the other is abhorrent.

The is exactly the mistake the school made. Porn isn’t a big deal, sexual harassment isn’t a big deal. It’s stupid, but not abhorrent.

I'm appalled. The implication that this boy is a poor little victim likely to top himself because of one comment. A standard comment equivalent to "fuck off and die".

This boy sent the email, he planned it, he knew what he was doing he wanted a reaction and he got it RESULT! And then she got suspended - even better news.

Of course she reacted and good on her. I wouldn't punish her, I'd talk about the comment and then I'd talk about not living your life as a victim.

Thelaststand, thankfully in the vast majority of cases the reasons behind a child's suicide remain a private matter for the families so there won't be any links.

For the nine in the last 18 months that were discussed at my meeting today, the reasons are complex, varied and not fully understood.

There were some common themes - none lived with both parents, all had at some time previously self harmed. Two had indeed finally ended things after being told to KYS

I know for a fact that if someone had said that to me at 13 I'd have bloody gone and done it.

That's very sad to read. I was very unhappy as a teen too and considered suicide.

However that is not this. She didn't tell him to do it in a unprovoked and malicious way as part of a sustained campaign of bullying. She did it after he sexually harassed her. It isn't the same.

I'm more annoyed that a boy asked your daughter whose 13 for Christ sake to type in a porn star name. If the boy is aware of porn I'm pretty damn certain he'd laugh off KYS, clearly not and so he's snitched!!

Sounds delightful

It's right up there with retard and abortion jokes imo

While porn is just hilarious. Toxic masculinity, rape and sexual harassment no where near as serious.

Take a look at this thread - women - fucking women - minimising sexual harassment because it's not as bad as a slang comment.

Underlying all of this is a school that does not take sexual harassment seriously

Where are you getting that from when OP said the school said this?

The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email

showing that they're quite rightly dealing with him too.

As for but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?
This bit's just pure speculation, OP has no way of knowing what his punishment is, as that's another pupil and their parent's business to deal with.

Bestseller that is so sad

I don’t know why it isn’t in everyone’s best interest to stamp this out. Rather than minimise it.

It’s not the same as fuck off

Can’t listen to this minimising of sexual harassment anymore. I’m off.

Hecky please link to one teenage death where the teenager who committed suicide sexually harassed a girl and she told him to KYS. That she alone in that one phrase caused him to do it after what he did to her.

No one is saying that one phrase causes it, but that it could inadvertently be the straw that broke the camels back.

My family member was told by someone to kill themselves. He said it “as a joke” and only said it once. My family member took his advice.

He didn’t know what else had been going on for my family member. It wasn’t his fault, but he blames himself. He lives with that every day and says he’ll never forgive himself.

Most normal people would feel really fucking shit if they told someone to kill themselves and that person went on to do it.

I agree mousse

Take a look at this thread - women - fucking women - minimising sexual harassment because it's not as bad as a slang comment

WHO HAS MINIMISED?! Nobody has.Everyone, including me, has said what he has done is disgusting and he's quite rightly being dealt with too!!
OP said her dd had way too harsh a punishment. No,because what she did was disgusting too and she's being dealt with too by school.
As they both should be.
We don't know what his punishment was. Only that OP thinks the one her dd got was too harsh a punishment.
If it was my teen, I certainly wouldn't be telling them it was too harsh, they'd be getting on with it and hopefully learning from it.

This bit's just pure speculation, OP has no way of knowing what his punishment is, as that's another pupil and their parent's business to deal with.

That’s speculation on your part. OP may know he hasn’t been suspended. If OP says that he ‘clearly’ has not been punished as much as her DD, who are you to gainsay that?

WHO HAS MINIMISED?!

Consistent minimisation all the way through the thread. ‘She’s not a damsel in distress’, ‘stupid but not abhorrent’, ‘not sexual harassment’ (it is.).

And could his reference to porn be the straw that broke the camels back for the girl?

Well yes it could but who fucking cares?

Could that message be the straw that stops her valuing herself?
Could it be the straw that encourages her to engage in inappropriate sexual relations?

All sorts of implications for the girl but she just needs to get on with it because that's what girls do. They don't make a fuss and they get on with it. And when they are strong enough and brave enough the bastard still ends up on the Supreme Court.

hmm so sending a known porn name for her to search - isn't that sexual harassment....