DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

[olayjer]

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

If kys is current teenage speak for fuck off, suspension is a massive over reaction from the school.

Also OP don’t punish her at home as the school reaction is already OTT. Instead talk to her in depth about what happened and why she reacted like that.

Not that it’s ok, but I heard things like “drop dead”, “wank off and die” and “do you know what would be funny? If you died” at my school. Not at all nice, but I don’t think there is any chance anyone would have been suspended for it

You implied that it's been around for years but no-one would have been suspended for it. Sounding like because no-one saw it as a big deal.
I said I for one am glad if schools are cracking down on this now and see it as important.

op- WOW!! If ,bear with me...he pushed her down the steps,and she fell -and skint her knee.she would need a plaster. She would need a plaster cos she skint her knee. when she fell..BECAUSE he pushed her. i dont think yabu thinking she has been held accountable -i think ,regardless of her choice of phrase response..you have to fight her corner. Her part was(from details you gave)a reaction. .....not reacting in that manner should be adressed.... who told???????????

An unpleasant & ignorant thing to say but a massive overreaction by the school unless there have been previous issues. Boy started it and she was telling him to fuck off. Next time tell her to just use fuck off.

@Thelaststand
You as a grown up would tell someone to kill themselves?
Wow. Of all this things you could say, you think that is appropriate

If a man man was sexually harassing me - yes. Every time. Why should I care about him when he is trying to degrade me, Make me feel uncomfortable, make me feel sick, anxious, scared, upset...

Can I just clarify as a teacher I would absolutely rip into any kid I heard saying KYS, would give them detention, negative behaviour point and call their parents and head of year. I’m not saying it’s acceptable. But three day suspension? Come on! That’s ridiculous when we know so many kids are saying it due to Fortnite etc.

I also agree it's a massive overreaction to a young girl standing up for herself against sexual harassment. Also we don't know if there's a back story, has this delightful email exchange been going on for some time?

@Thelaststand
I think that’s called projection
There are things you should never say, only because if they took it at face value, you would end up with the trauma that came with it, unless you were a sociopath

KYS deserves more than 3 days exclusion.
it's just not acceptable at all.

Is it any wonder the teen suicide rate is the highest it’s ever been in the UK when so many posters think telling someone to kill themselves isn’t that bad and is the same as telling someone to fuck off... depressing.

There are things you should never say, only because if they took it at face value, you would end up with the trauma that came with it, unless you were a sociopath

Exactly. I know the person who told my family member to kill themselves “as a joke” never got over it. They only said it once, but they were the last ones to say it and they can never take that back. And never know if things might have been different if they’d said something else.

But three day suspension? Come on! That’s ridiculous when we know so many kids are saying it due to Fortnite etc.

Why is it OK just because kids think it's Ok as they hear it in Fortnite?
If they are hearing that and thinking it's a normal thing to do as banter, absobloodylutely it needs stamping out.

Oh come ON. No one kills themselves because they are told to, once, as a reaction against nastiness or sexual harassment.

I was at a meeting of local secondary schools about suicide deaths today. NINE in 18 months. I'd be beyond furious if one of mine had done this and telling them they'd got off lightly with three day's suspension.

The boy was wrong too but your DD needs to be told she's responsible for her own actions, not told she's been harshly treated.

Is it any wonder the teen suicide rate is the highest it’s ever been in the UK when so many posters think telling someone to kill themselves isn’t that bad and is the same as telling someone to fuck off... depressing.

Exactly, and presumably adults on here who think it's fine and normal. It is not the same as fuck off.

@verbeenabeeks

Maybe, after all kids have been warned in an assembly or suchlike. Don’t throw one girl under the bus for it when they are all saying it AND it was a reaction.

Oh come ON. No one kills themselves because they are told to, once, as a reaction against nastiness or sexual harassment.

But when you say it to someone you have no idea if your the first person to say it or the hundredth. That’s the whole point.

I do think giving the boy a less harsh punishment is absolutely sending the wrong message. He had a good laugh sending the message, another one when he got a response from your dd knowing that he had riled her and thirdly got the last laugh by being given a lesser punishment.

I would definitely complain that sexually harassing your dd is being taken less seriously than your dds remark. I would however not talk abut your dds punishment and would openly admit it is a totally unacceptable thing to send. I would also talk about how the boy planned an attack on your dd whereas she did not.

Why is the school not looking at this from a safeguarding perspective? Much as your dd could have sent the message to a child, who is contemplating suicide, his message could equally have been sent this message to a child, who is being / has been sexually abused.

@Petitepamplemousse
How do you not know it’s the straw that broke the camels back. And why would you want to be responsible for it.
Never tell people to kill themselves.

It can’t be THAT hard a lesson to learn, surely!!!!!
If you think you can take the consequences of someone killing themselves, then go for your life. But I don’t think most people could. So it’s not worth saying something so shitty.
Say fuck off you cunt. Or any variable.

Maybe, after all kids have been warned in an assembly or suchlike. Don’t throw one girl under the bus for it when they are all saying it AND it was a reaction.

She is the one who got caught saying it. So stands to reason that she'll get pulled up on it.Anybody else getting caught doing it will presumably get the same treatment. Others just haven't been caught.

Being made an example of is exactly that. It’s just tough shit!

Why is the school not looking at this from a safeguarding perspective? Much as your dd could have sent the message to a child, who is contemplating suicide, his message could equally have been sent this message to a child, who is being / has been sexually abused.

This is a good point. I would be making sure the school deal with this aspect of it seriously too. And get better filters.

Hecky please link to one teenage death where the teenager who committed suicide sexually harassed a girl and she told him to KYS. That she alone in that one phrase caused him to do it after what he did to her.

I’d put money on it though that there are teenagers who have been sexually harassed that have committed suicide.

I for one am glad if schools are cracking down on this now and see it as important.

Hmmmm personally I think 3 days suspension is too far. It’s definitely not ok to say it, but three days of missed school is a lot. As I say, I can only remember one person in my school being suspended the whole time I was there. It was reserved for the worst behaviour and never as long as three days. I think it was one or two maximum. Maybe times have changed now and that’s the norm for punishment in schools, but it definitely wasn’t in my school.