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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

999 replies

olayjer · 12/10/2018 18:29

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

OP posts:
CarolDanvers · 12/10/2018 20:15

"Are you honestly saying that someone might kill themselves because they were tricked into googling the name of a porn star? "

I'm not saying that no. Obviously. Though thinking about it, we never really know what the final impetus is really do we, when we read these reports. We don't know the ins and outs or what the final message was that pushed them over the edge. I've certainly never read a report where one message of "KYS" instigated a suicide. Have you?

I think it's very clear what I am saying and I honestly I can't really be bothered to keep repeating it. Just go back and read my previous posts, I am sure you'd get it in the end though I suspect you don't actually want to.

CarolDanvers · 12/10/2018 20:16

Glad to see so many teachers on here seeing both sides.

Melamin · 12/10/2018 20:17

I agree that the boy is getting a fucked up message.

He has managed to send a dirty note through the school system with a porn reference, goaded someone into looking at it, replying in a way that he can use to get that person into trouble. The boys at my school would have found this well worth a rap over the knuckles.

You need to talk this through with your daughter and find ways together of responding in a manner that conveys 'fuck off' without getting her into trouble. Also find ways of not to doing what stupid boys tell her to do without losing face.

Igorina · 12/10/2018 20:17

Apparently school has a filter, it failed just this once.

I guarantee almost every 13 year old knows how to get around the filters. :o

The school isn't going to come out and say that though.

CarolDanvers · 12/10/2018 20:19

@olayjer I know you didn't say it. Someone else did. I just wanted to let you know I didn't think you were Smile

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/10/2018 20:20

I guarantee almost every 13 year old knows how to get around the filters

So why did she get around the filters?

LuvSmallDogs · 12/10/2018 20:21

I’ve come across KYS being used flippantly on the internet, it’s pretty much got a “take a long walk off a short pier” level off seriousness.

I suppose I can see the school’s point of view that if this boy tried to hurt or kill himself shortly after this interaction and they’d not punished your DD that they’d get in shit.

It’s a lesson for your DD to watch what she commits to text form, as it can be screengrabbed and waved in people’s faces devoid of any jokiness or flippancy that it was intended to have.

MarshaBradyo · 12/10/2018 20:21

I’m glad there’s zero tolerance on anything to do with suicude at a school.

Original poster
olayjer · 12/10/2018 20:21

I just told you about the filters?

OP posts:
NoFucksImAQueen · 12/10/2018 20:22

her punishment was fine but his punishment should have been the same. what she said was awful but so was what he did!

HeckyPeck · 12/10/2018 20:23

I think you’re being deliberately disingenuous Carol. I imagine if the genders were reversed you’d be calling the boy a monster for sending KYS to a poor impressionable silly young girl.

In summary:

Boy was wrong and should be punished as could have caused distress to girl. Sexual harassment should be taken seriously.

Girl was wrong and should be punished as could have had deadly consequences if the boy had been receiving other similar messages etc (which she had no way of knowing if was the case or not)

The school has to be zero tolerance on things that could have deadly consequences.

GabsAlot · 12/10/2018 20:24

can i ask why porn sites ar4ent blcked at the school

sholdnt there be restrictions for this

Original poster
olayjer · 12/10/2018 20:25

Just read my previous things and you'll see :)

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 12/10/2018 20:26

One person. In nearly 300 comments op. You're not seriously saying the tone of this thread is "poor lad" because it's not.

The tone of the thread is "stop minimising what your dd has done because it's pretty awful".

Why not let the school and the boys' parents deal with him.

GabsAlot · 12/10/2018 20:28

sorry missed the post about images

i thik they shold be both be suspended

JamAtkins · 12/10/2018 20:29

I think if you ( the boy) are going to dick around like that then you should be prepared for a reaction. I don’t think the school is doing him any favours by giving out a heavy punishment as a reaction to his ‘trick’. If my own 15yo son did that I would hit the roof and be horrified if the girl was suspended. If my 13yo dd was induced to google porn them I would defend her kicking back.
When I was at school it wasn’t uncommon for boys to show porn magazines to girls. We told them to ‘drop dead’ or jump off a bridge. The power was with the boys. They showed us those images to put us in our place. I don’t see that this is massively different.
KYS isn’t a nice thing to say, nor was she trying to be nice but to compare saying it as a reaction to someone doing something horrible to you, to sustained bullying is not appropriate imo. The bullying some teenagers undergo is horrific. This boy got a reaction to a rather nasty prank.

CarolDanvers · 12/10/2018 20:30

@HeckyPeck I think your posts are utterly ridiculous. Especially the misery lit one, where you are basically making up a whole dramatised fictional sob fest scenario with which to judge OP's dd, where the porn sending individual has been told to KYS by multiple bullies "unbeknownst" to the daughter. Where you've also asked us to imagine his family finding the body and detailed how everyone's life will be destroyed. Your post negates to mention his liking for sexual harassment and porn though I note. I cannot take you seriously and don't want to spend my Friday night reading your nonsense so if you don't mind I am going to leave it there as far as our interaction is concerned.

Thelaststand · 12/10/2018 20:31

I’ve come across KYS being used flippantly on the internet, it’s pretty much got a “take a long walk off a short pier” level off seriousness

I agree.

The fact this boy was actually sexually harassing her is largely being over looked. It really is staggering to see it so blatantly on here. If a male sent me links or encouraged me to look at sexually explicit material I’d say the same.

Olay I would not be happy your dd is being treated this way.

VerbeenaBeeks · 12/10/2018 20:32

Not that it’s ok, but I heard things like “drop dead”, “wank off and die” and “do you know what would be funny? If you died” at my school. Not at all nice, but I don’t think there is any chance anyone would have been suspended for it.

So because it happened years ago too that makes it an alright thing to do? It was never OK.
I for one am glad this sort of shit is getting called out more nowadays and that mental health is seen as important too.

No one has disagreed with this? Tell him to fuck off, piss off etc etc. Quite right too. But telling someone to kill themselves is another thing entirely. He should be punished, but that doesn’t excuse what the DD said.
This.

HeckyPeck · 12/10/2018 20:34

Having lost family members to suicide (one of whom was told to do it “as a joke” by another family member who had no idea what the person was going through) I think your flippant attitude to it is disgusting Carol so quite happy to not interact with you either.

Telling anyone to kill themselves is dangerous and schools must have zero tolerance. If schools make it an Ok thing to say, they can’t then stop it from being said to the wrong person.

VerbeenaBeeks · 12/10/2018 20:34

The fact this boy was actually sexually harassing her is largely being over looked.

Nobody is overlooking it, everybody is in agreement that what he did was disgusting. He's getting punished for it too, quite rightly.
We don't even know what his punishment is. Just that OP thinks what her dd did didn't warrant a big punishment,

toomanycuddlytoys · 12/10/2018 20:35

Really harsh . Can't expect kids to understand everything . They hear things and repeat them without really thinking about the full meaning . For our son with HFA he wouldn't stand a chance. He repeats thing without understanding

Petitepamplemousse · 12/10/2018 20:36

@ProfessorMoody, if he killed himself it would not be caused by a stupid flippant comment meaning ‘drop dead’ from a girl who was a victim of HIS sexual harassment. Suicide is not caused so easily. Yes it has resulted from campaigns of consistent cyber bullying in the past but in this situation the OP’s daughter is clearly the victim who has pushed back against sexual harassment. I’d tell a man who did that to me to fuck off, quite frankly, and ‘KYS’ is used (shouldn’t be, but it is) to mean that by a lot of young people. She needs a serious talking to, but a three day suspension for reacting to a nasty bit of harassment is way OTT.

Holdingonbarely · 12/10/2018 20:37

@Thelaststand
You as a grown up would tell someone to kill themselves?
Wow. Of all this things you could say, you think that is appropriate

Stonebake · 12/10/2018 20:40

So because it happened years ago too that makes it an alright thing to do?

Not at all and you’ve taken that out of context. I said twice in that post that it wasn’t ok then either. But 3 days suspension is harsh imo.

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