AIBU re siblings etiquette at birthday parties

[dontyouforgetaboutme]

So am not sure if AIBU or the other mums. It's my DDs 8th birthday party tomorrow and one mother has texted me to ask if it's ok to bring her 3 year old - she can play with another 3 year old who is coming. Well no one has checked with me re the other 3 year old coming. It appears it's been assumed they can . I am having the party in a hall, but have exactly the right number of party plates and cups, and party bags full of plastic crap.

So my AIBU is that I am pissed off and feel like saying no to the CFs, or should I just chill out. Both parents on the scene so no childcare issue with either family I am aware of. I would never dream of assuming another DC could come to a birthday party. Am I missing something?

@Racecardriver. It seems you are the type to take your children to adult only weddings and create a scene if they aren’t welcomed. No, it is not rude to limit a guest list. The host makes that decision.

I'd say quite politely and firmly that the other three year old isn't coming and the other one is too little to join in. I'd let both parents know. They don't need to stay with their 8 year olds so the 3 year olds have no need to stay at the party.

Good texts, OP.

original mum has texted to say she's so sorry, only asked because she knew other 3 year old was going. ab fine.

CF mum has texted to say she's not happy to drop and go DD8 so if DD3 can't stay then DD8 won't be able to come as her DH is not around tomorrow. My DD8 will be devasted if CFDD8 doesn't come. There aren't many girls in her year ...

Yet to go back.....

What a crock, can't she amuse her iwn child for a couple of hours. Ridiculous

I would say that in this case you are sorry her DD wont be able to come but will sort out a nice playdate for another time when she has childcare

Wtf? She's trying it on. Why would she not drop off an 8yo?

People here do usually bring siblings. It's hard to find someone else to look after them. But it's assumed that siblings aren't included in the party, no party bag and no food. If there's plenty of food people usually offer some.

If it's in a venue people have to pay the siblings in.

Can stay. Has to sit on her knee for the entirety and does not, under any circumstances get fed or watered.

Why on earth can’t she drop off an 8 year old?

The girl is 8 there is no reason she can’t be dropped in from most of the party’s I know at that age are drop off onlys. I would message back and say aw that’s a shame nm, she’s clearly trying it on and hoping the party amuses her 3year old.

Ask her why she is NOT OK to drop and go?
What is her reasoning?
Is this a pampered princess?
I'm sorry but you just can't cave.
Does she have a relative you could invite instead?
You really don't want a 3YO hanging around.

I would just say ok. Seems like she has lied about thinking other child was going and this is her latest tactic to try and strong arm her youngest into the party.
Your dd will have her other friends there and will be fine. I imagine if you don’t cave the cf may well ‘find’ childcare for her youngest at the last minute or decide her dd can be left anyway.

It depends what the norm is in your area tbh. My dd is nine and every single parent stayed at her party. Some brought younger sibs who I invited to join the activity and food as I had a couple of spare places. Otherwise they would have waited with parents and not joined in.

She's hoping you'll cave. Say that's a shame, and have her round for tea another day instead. I bet she'll miraculously make it though.

Call her bluff. Text back that it's a shame her DD can't come, [yourDD] will be disappointed but it's not appropriate to have younger children so you can't make an exception for her.

If you did make an exception for her you'd have to do it for the others. And you don't want that!

Wow shes pushing back against a clear instruction from a host! Thats utterly outrageous. Is she otherwise normal? That is very odd behaviour from a sensible adult. Cringing for her tbh. Why could you not leave an 8 year old unless they have SN.

Just say it's a shame. Don't be emotionally blackmailed.

stand firm. I can guarantee that the girls will talk about it and her DD will say she's happy to be dropped off.

My money is on her knowing that her 3yo will be an absolute nightmare if the older sibling is going to a party without them so she’d rather the eldest missed out. It would make me even more inclined to not want the probably ‘spirited’ 3yr old attending.
You could text back to say ‘Ok if you’re sure dd can’t make it I can let non-cf mum know that there’s space for x’s sibling now’ 😂

I would want to say - What a shame her elder child is going to have to miss out on the birthday party because her mum doesn’t want to leave her in your care. I bet cf mum makes you out to be the bad guy in this situation. She has been really rude in assuming her younger child can come and the fact she hasn’t asked you in advance means she knows she is rude too.

If her DD doesn't go that is her fault not yours. I would suspect her DD would be more upset at missing the party than yours tbh. She's definitely bluffing!

Agree with Muddling

"Oh, that's a shame (my) dd will miss her as she is a good friend, but I can't cater for a huge age range, and double the numbers with people bringing siblings, as I'm sure you'll understand"

OP, it's not your problem. 8 year olds are Year 3 and capable of being left at school without Mummy there!

CFMum knew her DH was away, so she can either find someone to have her DDage3 or not come. It's her DD that will miss out, your DD will have plenty of other friends there. She could even arrange with the first mum who also has 3 year old, to leave her child with them since they clearly know each other.

I would also say (to other mums if you think you are being bad mouthed) what a shame it was that she didn't ask you as you could have agreed something together... So rude!