AIBU re siblings etiquette at birthday parties

[dontyouforgetaboutme]

So am not sure if AIBU or the other mums. It's my DDs 8th birthday party tomorrow and one mother has texted me to ask if it's ok to bring her 3 year old - she can play with another 3 year old who is coming. Well no one has checked with me re the other 3 year old coming. It appears it's been assumed they can . I am having the party in a hall, but have exactly the right number of party plates and cups, and party bags full of plastic crap.

So my AIBU is that I am pissed off and feel like saying no to the CFs, or should I just chill out. Both parents on the scene so no childcare issue with either family I am aware of. I would never dream of assuming another DC could come to a birthday party. Am I missing something?

I wonder what she is trying to achieve though?

Hoping to drop both kids & run???

Cba to drop off, go home, & collect again?

Idk-would anyone rather be at an 8yr old's party supervising a 3yr old?

I think I would also tell her OK then, shame daughter can't be there.

For soft play they can pay for extra children at the door.

For a hall party, I think it's fine. You don't have to give party bags out to siblings if you don't want to.

I agree footballmum reply is perfect. Do not cave in

I'd be surprised if CF Mum hasn't made plans or an appointment for herself and with her DH 'away', she would have to reschedule her nail/hair/whatever appointment as she would have to look after her own DD3 herself. It reads to me (reading between the lines) that she was going to use you as childcare for her 3 yr old.

I agree with the others texting back in a way that will say you're disappointed that her DD8 will not be able to come but that she must understand the party is for 8 year olds and not 3 year olds.

Will she want to disappoint her daughter? I think not. Say ..... I am really sorry but I have already made arrangements for the number of kids I invited

I hope you are able to make suitable arrangements and I can assure you your DD will be well looked after

Use footballmum's response. It's perfect.

Say oh what a shame, but unfortunately there is no capacity for siblings at the event. Your sure DD8 will be fine being left but if that’s not possible we’ll have to arrange a catch up another day when her husband is back

What a chancer!

By that token I assume she was going to be staying for the whole party? If her 8 year old can’t be left then I assume she wasn’t leaving her 3 year old.

I would text back like aling the lines of, ok sorry that year that, thanks for letting me know. Nice & polite but not budging an inch. The brass neck of some folk!!!

Blackmail, eh? Definitely wouldn't back down now then!

No need for long texts just:

DD8 can’t attend, shame, girls will catch up another time. Thanks for letting me know.

Use footballmums text. Hits just the right tone. I agree she is trying it on. Don't cave in - your DD won't notice with all the other kids.

I would not say anything before but I would not provide good or party bag! When they turn up I would say sorry I only have enough food and party bags for the children coming. That way you are been direct they are not invited without causing glares in the playground!

Respond 'that's a shame, have a good weekend'

Nah.. just “ok, thanks for letting me know, have a good weekend”

Don’t pander to these twats! An 8yo that cant be left at a party! No way
She was probably planning to offload the pair of kids!

And absolutely no to saving a party bag!! Don’t reward this nonsense!

If one person brought a small child to the party it wouldn't make much difference- but then it's not fair on the other parents who have made proper arrangements. If all those other parents brought toddlers it would turn the party into a crèche and ruin the party. There is no reason she can't leave an 8 yr old at a party for a few hours. She's double insulted the op in saying she doesn't feel comfortable leaving her child with her.

I would suggest that if the two 3 year olds know each other that you ask the other mum of the other 3 year old to have CF 3 year old so they can play while she stays at party or would she not leave her 3 year old either?

Very very odd behaviour and very entitled. She is so backing you into a corner. I'd go with the PP suggestions of calling bluff or be PA and say that you don't think her 3 year old would want to stay strapped in a buggy the whole party as she will get knocked over by much bigger 8 year olds 🤣

For a hall party, I think it's fine. You don't have to give party bags out to siblings if you don't want to

Why is it "fine" to turn up with children who have not been invited just because the party happens to be in a hall? It's just bad manners. If everyone does this is could almost double the numbers and maybe the child whose birthday it is doesn't want a load of toddlers running around.

footballmum's text is perfect OP.

only serves food and have party bags for the kids who are invited. The parents can sort out the siblings.

Cheeky! Just text back with “That’s a shame. Have a good day.”

Many great suggestions for what to reply. Personally I'd just tell her to get in the sea, but the others are more polite😁

Definitely don’t give in, she is a CF

Hmm ... while you're not in the wrong OP ... MN can be a bit militant about standing up to CFs ... which can be a good thing obviously ... but I think you have to balance the level of hassle against getting along with people and kids' friendships!

Although you'd have every right to say no, I think in this case I'd say to both mums they can bring their 3yo if they stay to supervise. I wouldn't go to the trouble of going to get extra party bag things, but there''s always spare food, and instead of a party bag I'd just give them a balloon/sweets (whatever is leftover) and a piece of cake.

In other words I'd try and be accommodating to keep the peace, but without putting yourself out unduly. It's a one-off party, not someone expecting a year's childcare. Just my opinion though!!