Breastfeeding at table

[JillianHoltzmann]

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

I never use a cover while breast feeding, it’s annoying and the baby doesn’t like it.
Fuck ‘em, they are the weird ones. You are doing a great job

I had almost this exact situation. Newborn and learning to breastfeed, made my ex’s family uncomfortable and my own mum made some horrible comments, “gives her the creeps/makes babies greedy” and would constantly try to cover me up, which I found very awkward. And I’m very body shy which didn’t help at all.
It resulted in me feeling really embarrassed about feeding in public and having a right faff everytime I had to which was ALOT.
I wish so much I hadn’t listened or cared what they all thought and enjoyed every moment of it with my DD.
Your family will have to get used to it surely and would be a shame if you have to miss every family meal because they don’t like the idea of your LO having hers with them.
You should be proud and never feel like you have to hide for the sake of any adult.

I didn’t realise so many people were offended by boob skin

Some of the out dated, uneducated and offensive posts on this thread are unbelievable. No wonder the UK has one of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the whole of Europe. Go to any other European country and you'll see women openly breastfeeding everywhere (and it's celebrated). But you'll probably I've to look pretty hard though because , contrary to popular belief on this thread, most people don't notice when you're breastfeeding. BF mum's don't tend to go around with their glittery nipple tassles twirling, wanting everyone to look in their direction. BF in public is scary and daunting in the early days, especially for new mum's. One of the biggest reasons for mum's not continuing to bf is the fear of feeding in public (mainly the fear of negative comments from bigoted members of the public). And it always seems so sad that it's always other women that are doing the 'knocking down'. I can say I've worked with hundreds of breastfeeding women over the years and never met one who wasn't apprehensive about feeding in public. You can walk down any high street and see semi clad women everywhere and no one bats an eyelid ...but god forbid a women should dare to use her breasts for the reason they're actually intended. Stop the world, I want to get off now!

The fear for me was other people looking because they think it's great too, not fear of jusgement. I just wanted to be ignored!

I’ve not RTFT, but just wanted to say to the OP - I’m sorry your family are so unsupportive.

@Gunpowder - the renaissance baby looks like he's noshing on a porkpie not sucking her boobs 😁 Anyway - the madonna does look bored shitless despite the fascinating historic backdrop! She's clearly not holed up in a renaissance toilet at the back of a Toby Carvery!

I agree with all the "Don't go" advisors.

@Tinkobell it's hard to tell if she's pulled her chair away 3 feet from the table though

User02

*@garethsouthgatesmrs If breasts are not sexual why do women wear bikinis and not shorts like men?

because sadly we live in a man's world. We have the power to fight against this if we want to. It's like asking, why do women shave their legs when men don't?

@JassyRadlett Courtney already specified you have to sit three feet away (I'm not kidding, she said this). Keep up!

BUT WHAT IF THERE’S SOMEONE FOUR FEET BEHIND HER I’M SO CONFUSED.

Is it like magnets? So it’s ok as long you’ve equally been repelled by all surrounding people?

HELP ME DEBRETTS.

Yabu.

I think it’s not going to hurt you or your baby to be more discreet, the odd occasion, around guests who are not comfortable with you breastfeeding at the table.

@JassyRadlett this is what I want to find out but she's gone on a night out in her polo neck so we won't know until the morning. Which is a disaster for me because I want to go and feed my baby in public at breakfast time, but I'm worried that if I turn my back on the people at my table, I could well be joining a new family of people on their table and it might look a bit weird. I suppose I could move three feet away, but as you say what if someone is there? I'm gonna take a punt and say that the Official Manners and Etiquette book written by the Boob Weirdos says I have to sit on top of them if that's the case.

Oh it's just so confusing. Coutney come back and share your wisdom with us before our babies make a public faux pas

When with feeding child, breasts are for milk. When clad in lacy push up bra, breast are for other things. Is that difficult to understand?

hankstootyIm quite hurt, honestly don't know what to do! Now if I do go I'll feel worried the whole time she might want feeding, and if she does I'll be uncomfortable, and if I don't I'll be worried about how everyone will talk about me alienating myself!

You wouldnt be alienating yourself, they have alienated you by making a fuss and not accommodating you and the baby.

Let's lay t out there now wandering - if you're uncomfortable with other people breastfeeding in public you're either-

1. A misogynist
2. A prude or
3. Have a very specific repulsion for breastfeeding, like people (myself included) who have a repulsion for people chewing food.

In all above scenarios it's ridiculous to say that your 'disgust' comes before the needs and comfort of a woman and her baby and their right to do something as simple as eat their lunch

the odd occasion, around guests who are not comfortable with you breastfeeding at the table.
It won't hurt you on the odd occasion to say you are a racist biggot around guests who are not comfortable with liberal mindedness at the table. Is that ok??

JillianHoltzmann I fully support your not covering policy however rather than get one of those weird cover ups ( which IMO draw more attention than the act of breastfeeding itself) I always found the two tops method best, lift the top one up and pull the lower one down. This may be obvious and I may have missed a post where you ruled it out but have you tried that? There is literally no way your sisters weird pervy boyfirned could accidentally see anything using that method and luckily its autumn now so you shouldn't overheat.

not that I think you SHOULD cover up at all, just that you clearly want to feel comfortable at this dinner.

Just move for five minutes, to a side table.

There writes someone who knows bugger all about babies. What baby takes only five minutes to breastfeed? Courtney, why on earth would you come on here to give your opinion without making minimal effort to find out some basic facts?

It is that simple. It's amazing how people try to ignore the obvious sensible thing to do just to carry on with the entitled breastfeeding speech. Anything but admit maybe they could show a little accommodation.

Just avert your eyes.

It is that simple. It's amazing how people try to ignore the obvious sensible thing to do just to carry on with the entitled anti-breastfeeding speech. Anything but admit maybe they could show a little accommodation.

You know what's entitled, @Courtney555? It's expecting someone to hide herself away when carrying out a perfectly normal and lawful activity just because you don't like it and can't be bothered to make the effort not to look at her.

I just can't believe that anyone seriously has a problem with someone nursing a baby during a family meal. This is crazy. Good luck to you OP, whatever you decide, and don't let your unsupportive family put you off what works for you and your child.

Got to page 8 and had to have my say too......

My boob splats out, not whooping or swooshing, just splat. A bit like a belly flop noise.

I’m glad your mum was joking but shame she’s still not quite got it. Feed wherever you need/like/want. Some of these posts are bonkers. They’re boobs full of milk to feed the baby who needs to be filled with the milk from the boobs that are full.

Just what???? at some of these posts and how disappointing of your sister!

I’m feeding baby number 3 with both boobs and I’ll feed her anywhere we’re comforable anytime she’s hungry with nothing on her head nor mine!