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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding at table

863 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 20:51

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
LaurieMarlow · 12/10/2018 20:25

Not get my breast out uncovered and sit there with an attitude of "you don't like it, you all move, breast feeding mothers are untouchable and don't I know it"

Literally no one in this thread is doing that, least of all the OP.

HellenaHandbasket · 12/10/2018 20:25

In nearly 8 yrs of breastfeeding (over 3 children) I've fed pretty much everywhere there is, and have seen numerous BFing pairs. I can hand on heart say that I have only seen two mothers 'whop' out a whole nork in order to do so. And they only seemed to do so because they had very small babies who needed a lot of help latching. But tbh, it is much easier for onlookers to avert their eyes than it is to placate a starving baby.

Personally I always just did top up/vest down. Yes they sometimes pop off for a look round, but their head is in the way and the chances of seeing any nork are very slim. Given that, I can only conclude that the majority of naysayers are actually more concerned with the act of breastfeeding itself as against breasts, given that you hardly see anything. And that's just fucking weird.

ethelfleda · 12/10/2018 20:26

I also do the two tops method. Does work very well - more so when the baby is older and doesn’t need help with a latch.

Gunpowder love those images!

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 20:27

It's entitled to act however you like, knowing that it's not what everyone wants to see, when there is such an easy alternative

Now apply this statement to the gay people holding hands situation. Are they entitled? Or is it just mothers you have spite for?

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 20:28

The noise some babies make when latching and unlatching would make me feel sick

Then be glad it can take yourself off for a couple of minutes until baby is latched.

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 20:29

Or just turn your chair round

I don't get this @Courtney555 - surely that means you'd be facing someone else? Then what do you do? Go round and round in circles until you're out of everyone's eyeline? And how rude would it be to be part of a conversation but with your back turned to everyone

MissesBloom · 12/10/2018 20:29

I'm disgusted by the views of some on this thread. I can't believe anyone thinks they have the right to tell someone they can't feed their kid publicly. Keep your shitty opinions and wandering eyes to yourself. A hungry infant trumps your right not to avert your eyes slightly Angry

ethelfleda · 12/10/2018 20:29

gunpowder I hope that link and the pictures contained within haven’t upset too many people or ot them off their dinner etc Wink

Courtney555 · 12/10/2018 20:30

Actually, Courtney is getting ready to go out and accepts manners aren't for everyone 😄

Have a good night all

slingingtothemusicinmyhead · 12/10/2018 20:30

The baby is ENTITLED to milk.

Bigots are not entitled to have the world made non-offensive for them.

Sheldonoscopy · 12/10/2018 20:30

Sorry I didn’t see this sooner!

ethelfleda · 12/10/2018 20:33

Damn. I was waiting for some more sound ‘how to breastfeed in public without offending anyone’ advice from you Courtney Hmm

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 20:36

@Courtney555 hope you're not wearing a top or dress that goes below your chin for your night out? Because people get really offended by women's necks and chests on display. I hope you can show a little bit of respect tonight and take a towel out in case someone doesn't have to stare at your neck area. it's very bad mannered to just sit there and say "nope I have my neck on show, I won, if you don't like it tough" - I mean that would be so disrespectful of you. Not everyone wants to see your gross neck you know

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 12/10/2018 20:36

I'll give that a try gunpowder, Thanks!

OP posts:
GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 20:40

@JillianHoltzmann if you are a bit nervous (understandable) then you can take a blanket and ask your mum or sister to hold it in front of you just while you latch baby on, as in the early days it can get a bit faffy - then no one can see you and there's less pressure to get latched on quick. My DH did this for me in the newborn days when we were still on nipple shields and there was lots of boob shoving going on. Before you know it you'll be pulling the tops and latching on in your sleep (literally Grin)

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 12/10/2018 20:41

No worries sheldon it's a really lovely offer and I genuinely appreciate it! I'll probably buy one after Sunday, if I can.
Thanks though!

OP posts:
PleaseJustSayNo · 12/10/2018 20:41

I HAVE THE ANSWER!

Get your sis to call and ask if they have a spare room she can forcibly remove her BF to incase a baby they will be attending with needs feeding. She can explain she desperately doesn't want him to possible catch a glimpse of nipple (quite unlikely imo) or breast tissue.

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 12/10/2018 20:41

Another great idea gunpowder I'll do that!

OP posts:
GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 20:46

For the giggles

Breastfeeding at table
PurpleMac · 12/10/2018 20:47

My best friend has breast few in front of me at least once a week for the past 3 years. I have seen her breast and nipple once. She covered up for the first few weeks whilst she gained her confidence but hasn't for years now. It's very easy to not stare at a woman's breast whilst she is feeding.

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 20:49

Oh and this was painted in the 15th century. So can we have a nice slow hand clap for the people on this thread who are less progressive than people 600 years ago. Brava! 👏🏼

Breastfeeding at table
JassyRadlett · 12/10/2018 20:50

It's basic manners and etiquette.

Is it? Which etiquette guide? How many degrees do you need to turn your chair? Does it change if there are people at tables behind or to the side? I’m honestly intrigued.

ethelfleda · 12/10/2018 20:51

Gunpowder there are many similar images of breastfeeding Madonnas from the renaissance and later. Seems that even the Catholic Church is less prudish than some Wink

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 20:52

@JassyRadlett Courtney already specified you have to sit three feet away (I'm not kidding, she said this). Keep up! Grin

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 20:53

I remember seeing many in the Louvre @ethelfleda. Although the woman I posted below looks thoroughly fed up bless her

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