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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding at table

863 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 20:51

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
ethelfleda · 12/10/2018 20:07

Not get my breast out uncovered and sit there with an attitude of "you don't like it, you all move, breast feeding mothers are untouchable and don't I know it". It's basic manners and etiquette

Nowhere had the OP said she would do that. Now who’s exaggerating?

speakout · 12/10/2018 20:07

courntney555

Can a disabled person do anything about being disabled?

No they can't.

Should a woman do anything about breastfeeding their infant?

They could stop breastfeeding. They could stay at home.

Or like a wheelchair ( for instance) they could choose to engage in society.

A wheelchair user could ask for a spare tablecloth to hide their wheelchair.

Should a gay couple ( not their choice to be gay) refrain from any mention of their relationship, refrain from any affection or public mention of their relationship lest it offends others?

ethelfleda · 12/10/2018 20:08

This thread makes me so sad. These beautiful mothers feeding their babies are wonderful. That's all there is to it

I totally agree.

ohshitonit · 12/10/2018 20:08

ethelfleda how do you know what I would sound like? Bizarre.

Courtney555 · 12/10/2018 20:09

Sigh.

It's not entitled to feed your child. As you well know. This deliberate misinterpreting is dull.

It's entitled to act however you like, knowing that it's not what everyone wants to see, when there is such an easy alternative.

And this doing something that naturally makes people look, then behaving so offended that someone actually did and didn't want too.

Because that needed spelling out Hmm

ethelfleda · 12/10/2018 20:10

ethelfleda how do you know what I would sound like? Bizarre

I was referring to the vile rubbish you’re spouting... That is what makes me feel sick.

Oh it’s no fun if I have to explain it to you!

ohshitonit · 12/10/2018 20:11

Clearly never had a kid with a tongue tie, jog on, it's a gross sound!

Courtney555 · 12/10/2018 20:12

@speakout you are such a drama queen Grin

Well the only alternative is to never leave the house. Naturally.

Or just turn your chair round. Or sit on a sofa round the corner.

Not so easy to claim outrage at the glaringly obvious though...

Sheldonoscopy · 12/10/2018 20:12

Hey jillian I’m sorry I’ve jusg read the whole thread in one hit and will go back and see when the meal is, but I’m almost certain I have a white hooped cover that my mum made for me that is adjustable round the neck so you can have it as loose as you like. I rarely used it but loved that Mum designed it with me being able to keep eye contact and fabric off my sons face in mind.

If there is time and you’d like, I’ll happily send it to you so you can have a toy around with it and see if it would work for you.

I fed uncovered for the most part, and was happy and comfortable doing so, so please do what makes you and your baby happy.

Hope I haven’t caused offence with my offer

ethelfleda · 12/10/2018 20:13

Jillian have you asked your HV about breastfeeding support groups? There is one at my local Surestart. I didn’t go but they had a private fb page where you could post and ask for support. They were very helpful. I sympathise, it’s not easy at the beginning. It does get easier though. I’ve always fed my baby and and about and do you know, not one person has ever said a thing to me. And I’ve been going for nearly a year!

Congratulations to you Flowers

Saminsachs · 12/10/2018 20:14

@ Courtney555 So what if 'not everyone wants to see it!'

That's their weird problem. My babies needs come waaaay before them! And 'having manners.' I seriously don't get it-look away,get on with your own life.

ethelfleda · 12/10/2018 20:15

Courntey

What if the baby is feeding for an hour?

What if there is nowhere else for her to sit because it is busy?

What if other people see and they are offended? Should she ask anyone likely to walk past her if they are ok with it?

ethelfleda · 12/10/2018 20:16

Clearly never had a kid with a tongue tie, jog on, it's a gross sound

Oooook- cool Confused

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 12/10/2018 20:16

The tables are laid out so that if I turned the chair round I'd be facing the restaurant and everyone else. Not sure if that would be worse? Although I could sit by the wall and turn into it.

Not sure why you have this idea that I'm desperately trying to make people uncomfortable by thrusting my breasts into their view!

OP posts:
Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 12/10/2018 20:17

Oh and this mythical sofa that keeps getting mentioned doesn't actually exist so can we put that to bed. I've never been to a restaurant with a sofa.

OP posts:
Courtney555 · 12/10/2018 20:18

Not you in particular OP... Just a generalisation

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 20:19

@Courtney555 you're taking the piss now, no?

Can babies help needing fed? No! Why do you think breastfeeding in public is protected by law?

And if I were a bigot like you, but one who doesn't like gay people holding hands I'd say "well they can't choose their sexuality but they can choose not to holds hands" - it's no less discriminatory is it?

That's exactly the same as Jane with her breast out who is too entitled to shift her chair around a bit.

What exactly do you think happens when someone breastfeeds? What is so incredibly horrific it has to be done in such privacy? And why do you assume everyone in public has the strange hang ups you do? I'd guess about 1% of people dislike public breastfeeding, and frankly they are weirdos who don't deserve 'respect' from the people they're trying to discriminate against, and if they don't like it then tough shit. Honestly how do such delicate people not just explode leaving the house?

I'll ask again because the anti-BF crew haven't answered yet - do you get offended if a woman wears anything lower than a polo neck? Do you think the countless adverts, newspaper articles and billboards should black out the chest skin on a woman? If not then you're a massive hypocrite!

Also there's never not a good time to share this beauty of an image Grin

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 12/10/2018 20:19

That's a lovely offer sheldonoscopy! Unfortunately it's this Sunday but I really appreciate you offering!

OP posts:
LilQueenie · 12/10/2018 20:19

I never bf because I was uncomfortable with it. However I am happy that others do even if I am uncomfortable to see it. That's my issue not and not the baby.

I would still go in your situation and simply see how quick the table cleared when mentioning to said sister that if she has a problem with her boyfriend looking at you then she has some serious relationship issues. or at least its what I would want to do. You may feel pushed out but it doesn't mean you should let it happen.

Who the hell thinks a toiled is a hygenic place to eat anyway.

Verbena87 · 12/10/2018 20:20

I don't think it's unreasonable for someone to not want to watch a bodily function while eating.

What, like other people eating? In which case I’m really not convinced a restaurant is the right environment for you. People of all ages will be there, putting food in their mouths, not under a blanket. It’s fucking outrageous. Wink

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 20:20

@ethelfleda exactly, I wouldn't move if someone was offended because, simply put, I don't want to. Not my problem. If moving is such an easy tasks the pearl clutches can do it. I'm certainly not being cast out like some leper because people can't cope with a baby being fed as nature intended. It's misogyny at its finest

ethelfleda · 12/10/2018 20:21

Courtney ignoring my list of reasons why her ‘simple solution’ might not work.

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 20:21

@JillianHoltzmann do the two-top trick. Best top underneath and normal top, when baby needs fed pull up the normal top, pull down the best top, and Bob's your uncle! It covers pretty much everything. Practice it and do it in front of a mirror you'll be surprised at how 'discreet' it looks

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 20:22

*vest not best 🤦🏼‍♀️

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 20:24

I also think people should stop saying it's like going back in time (with the attitudes on here) - that's a little offensive to our foremothers who were fine with breastfeeding in public. This frothiness over it is a fairly new thing, as breasts have become more sexualised. This is a great set of historical images of women feeding in public www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.buzzfeed.com/amphtml/southerndisposition/25-historical-images-that-normalize-breastfeeding-jlw6#ampf=undefined

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