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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding at table

863 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 20:51

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
LaurieMarlow · 12/10/2018 19:52

God this thread is making me despair.

And as for using the word 'entitled' to describe a mother who just wants to feed her baby, I think that's actually more offensive than comparing bfing to taking a shit.

OP, please, please, please don't waste your money on one of those hideous tents. It's very unlikely your baby will be happy under it. Just feed your baby and ignore the idiots.

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 19:52

The obvious thing to do here, is to wear a cover. It's a compromise to respect everybody. If you don't want to do that, then move! Not the other ten people. Move to a side table, for five minutes! It's not the end of the world is it

@Courtney555 how do I know if people around me don't want me to feed? And no, I wouldn't move ever. I want to be part of the group and conversation. The boob weirdos can move, it's them with the problem. Unless as I said earlier they're all wearing polo necks, I'm gonna assume they're happy with a bit of chest skin on show, so that counts for me too.

Also I'd never use a cover. I've never even tried. I wouldn't eat my dinner under a blanket why should my baby?

speakout · 12/10/2018 19:54

It's much less about the babies needs, and very much about the mother.

Spot on there.

In fact I have been known to expose my breasts at lunch even when I don't have a baby with me.

Esspee · 12/10/2018 19:54

I always wore a t-shirt and lifted it high enough from the bottom to expose my nipple, just enough to allow baby to latch on while I leaned over then I sat up.
With baby held across my front covering my bare midriff and the t-shirt covering the top of my breast it is amazing how many people would carry out complete conversations without realising baby was feeding. I guess they just assumed I was holding a sleeping baby.
There is no need to expose your complete breast. I feel that is just exhibitionism.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 12/10/2018 19:56

You feed in a way that's comfortable for you. If you don't like covering up then don't.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/10/2018 19:56

Courtney555
Its much less about the baby’s needs, and very much about the mother.

What a bizarre thing to say. Did you breastfeed your baby? Do you understand that bfing is very different in terms of length and frequency from formula feeding?

Perhaps we should go back to the 1940’s and have prescribed amounts of time on each breast at 4 hourly intervals. Then op could take her starving baby kicking and screaming to the restaurant in full knowledge that she has a long window before the next feed is due.

LaurieMarlow · 12/10/2018 19:56

I think you've got it spot on. Of course you're not allowed to say that, but it's sadly true. It's much less about the babies needs, and very much about the mother.

Yes that's it. I don't even know why the OP is bringing her baby along as all she wants to do is get her jugs out. Hmm

You're not allowed to say it because it's obnoxious fuckwittery. I hope that helps.

Courtney555 · 12/10/2018 19:56

Can a disabled person do anything about being disabled?

Can a black person change their skin colour?

Can a gay person choose their sexuality?

Honestly.

That's exactly the same as Jane with her breast out who is too entitled to shift her chair around a bit.

Good job 👍

zzzzz · 12/10/2018 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ethelfleda · 12/10/2018 19:59

As for the ‘move away for 5 minutes’ comment

What if the place is packed and there are no spare chairs?
What if there are spare chairs but other people sitting nearby? Should the OP ask everyone who could possibly see if they are ok with it? All the staff and other customers?
What if she can find a quiet corner but the baby cluster feeds and stays latched on for an hour?

Presumably, you go and have a meal out with friends/family to socialise and talk to them. Not spend the whole time in a quiet corner by yourself. Would you expect a formula feeding mum to sit elsewhere? Of course not.

Women who sit and breastfeed in public are doing so for their BABIES. Not to make a statement. I know I never have - nearly a year breastfeeding here and never used a cover.

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 12/10/2018 19:59

speakout that cracked me up.
In all seriousness though now I'm quite confused. I want to go for a meal. I don't want people to feel uncomfortable because if something I'm doing. I want my baby to be happy. I don't want anyone to be so disgusted they feel they have to move.

I'm starting to think maybe I should just stay home.

OP posts:
ohshitonit · 12/10/2018 20:00

I don't think it's unreasonable for someone to not want to watch a bodily function while eating. I breastfed all 3 of mine but an exposed breast being out (if struggling to latch) would definitely put me off my food, I would just feed the baby on the sofa and then come back to the table, or cover slightly.

Saminsachs · 12/10/2018 20:00

@Courtney555 please stop using the word 'entitled'

Mothers can and should feed their babies wherever and whenever,end of!

suzy2b · 12/10/2018 20:00

Sorry i'm with your sister buy a proper cover i wouldn't want to see it either

speakout · 12/10/2018 20:01

What the fuck is being "entitled" to do with a woman feeding an infant?

Has the world gone fucking mad!!

Misogyny gone rampant when some people are of the mindset that women are nurturing an infant to offend others to get their rocks off in some kind of exhibitionist way.

ethelfleda · 12/10/2018 20:02

Jillian
Do what’s right for you. And well bloody done for breastfeeding your child.

Alternatively, I will take you out for Sunday lunch and bring my baby and we can happily breastfeed at the table. And any other breastfeeding mothers who would like to join us.

ohshitonit · 12/10/2018 20:03

The noise some babies make when latching and unlatching would make me feel so sick.

Robots1Humans0 · 12/10/2018 20:03

Do not stay home OP!! Your family is being ridiculous , go and feed your baby as needed and if they don't like it they can all troop off to the loo with their plates!

Saminsachs · 12/10/2018 20:04

This thread makes me so sad. These beautiful mothers feeding their babies are wonderful. That's all there is to it.

ravenmum · 12/10/2018 20:04

I once bf in a toilet as the alternative was a very draughty corridor. Toilets smell and are unhygienic. You wouldn't feed your toddler babyfood in the toilet, you wouldn't eat food in the toilet yourself, why would you feed your baby in there?

Personally, if I'd been told my baby should be hidden in the toilet, I would be too pissed off to go anyway.

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 12/10/2018 20:04

ethelfleda that'd be lovely, wouldn't it? A whole group of women in the same situation, nobody in the group would be uncomfortable because they're all in the same boat!

Unfortunately there's not really any breastfeeding support groups around me, I don't think. Unless SureStart centres still have them.

OP posts:
Courtney555 · 12/10/2018 20:05

@mummydragon

Yes I breastfed. And openly. I never sat in toilets, or hid in the car.

I did ensure I was covered up. If we were out in a large public space, like a park, I wouldn't move away anywhere. If (as per op) I was in a restaurant in a confined space with people eating directly opposite me and either side of me, then as a minimum I'd move my chair round, or ideally if there was another table I'd sit there for a few minutes.

Not get my breast out uncovered and sit there with an attitude of "you don't like it, you all move, breast feeding mothers are untouchable and don't I know it". It's basic manners and etiquette.

Saminsachs · 12/10/2018 20:05

@ohshitonit You''re despicable

ethelfleda · 12/10/2018 20:05

The noise some babies make when latching and unlatching would make me feel sick

The noise that would come out of your mouth has the same effect on me.

Saminsachs · 12/10/2018 20:06

@suzy2b Then maybe don't go out,ever