Breastfeeding at table

[JillianHoltzmann]

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

@speakout

I see where you are coming from with the legislation angle.

You can not change a disability. You can not change a skin colour. That's why being discriminated against is so wrong, you can do nothing to change it, but are receiving poor treatment.

There's nothing wrong with breastfeeding. I bf. There is something wrong when people refuse to accept not everyone wants to see an uncovered breast at a meal table.

They don't have to agree, they might not even notice, but some people are entitled to not want to see something that whilst primarily functions as a source of food, also has a secondary sexual connotation. Especially when it's so unbelievably easy to cover up, or move your chair round. It's the disregard for others that is the issue, not feeding the child.

Do women need to be wired up to breastfeed?

Sounds like some Victorian device.

@Courtney555 Too entitled? It's a mothers right to feed her baby. Whenever and wherever. And manners to move...jeez. I despair

m.youtube.com/watch?v=tBundfo5GRo

This is a perfect watch for this issue...

some people are entitled to not want to see something that whilst primarily functions as a source of food, also has a secondary sexual connotation

Yes, so they can turn their chair around or move. It is their issue not the mother and baby's.

I'd like all these pps to try and eat their dinner under a cover, then maybe they'll see how hot and uncomfortable it is. Maybe take covers for all the other guests. If they're offended they can cover themselves
...then they won't have to look ;-)

Maybe the wired tent works for some, my babies became quite warm and humid when they fed, also enjoyed a lot of eye contact, liked to kick their legs and move a bit.
They would not have liked this at all.

Maybe practice a bit with the wired tent thing OP before your lunch date.

I used to use a large muslin like ImogenTubbs days above. Tuck one corner under my bra strap, the side baby is feeding and hold the other corner with my free hand. I could move the muslin where and when I wanted too. My child could still see my face and was able to see above. My breast was covered and the only way someone could see my breast is if they were directly above me. Sorry waiter 😄

There is only one time when you shouldn’t breastfeed at the table - when you’re eating soup. Chips are fine, just remember to wipe the ketchup off the baby’s head. As for excretion, I’m fairly sure the baby will do that at the table wherever its fed. Unlike breastfeeding, nappy changing should be done in the toilet & never at the table.

Do what makes you feel comfortable. Absolutely under no circumstances go to the toilet to feed. If you feel too self conscious with all the negative comments, the restaurant will find you somewhere more private to feed.
Or alternatively, tell your family to stop being such utter pillocks. It sounds like its them with the problem here.

So emma I shouldn't get the wired cover?

This is becoming more of a dilemma. All I wanted was to be able to feed my baby if she needed it, I don't want to spend bloody ages trying to find a successful contraption to hide the situation!

Now I'm really unsure what to do

Courtney555

But if someone has such sexual hang ups that they have a melt down if they see a baby being fed then it's not up to the mother and child to accommodate that.

It's up to the weirdos who are offended to modify their behaviour.

Someone who is upset at the sight of a baby being fed has some serious issues.

And maybe save the money you would have spent on a cover for the baby and buy this instead x

I don’t think floaty did either of those things, and I DO think people tried to make her feel her thoughts were dreadful.

I think comparing eating in public to shitting in public is pretty dreadful. To come on a thread about breastfeeding and say she doesn't wanna see it as it's like watching someone have a poo is dreadful. Sometimes people have their arses handed to them on here and it's completely deserved, hopefully floaty will have a think about this and how her views are harmful

Oh god shelby I'd never change a nappy at the table! That's so unhygienic, I hope nobody actually does that!
-not envy

And while I think of it. Why would anyone be looking at your breasts? If they are talking to you surely they should be looking at your face, so what is going on in your boob department should be of no interest to them.

Cripes I'm clearly in a strop today!

You don’t need to do anything. Keep living your life and feed your baby whenever and wherever she needs it. Including in restaurants.

If your sister and her pathetic, Beavis and Butthead “uhuhuhuhuhuhuh BOOBS” twat of a boyfriend can’t deal with it, it’s their problem and not yours.

Please don’t listen to all these ignorant posters saying you are doing something wrong. You aren’t.

OP I think your sister is projecting a whole load of her issues around how she is planning to feed her baby onto you and your mum is going along with it. I think they are being a bit mean to you given you have a tiny two and half week old baby (who should not be fed in a toilet FFS). Do whatever feels right to you but equally if you feel like putting your feet up at home, watching TV and having nice newborn cuddles do that - there will be other dinners when the baby is older and your family have also matured!

I think some mums just like the attention - look at me, look how wonderful I am, feeding my baby as nature intended. Blah blah blah.
You sound like the latter.

Please go and project your personal issues elsewhere.

As an aside who are these mythical mums who LOVE the attention of breastfeeding and take all their clothes off? Stories are always rolled out on threads like these, but as someone who has spent a greater than average time around breastfeeding mums (many of whom are extremely crunchy/hippyish) I've never seen more than a flash of skin

such sexual hang ups that they have a melt down

When you have to exaggerate to that extent, it's really not helping your case.

Me not wanting to see someone's uncovered breast at a restaurant dining table is neither a sexual hangup nor a melt down.

People aren't deliberately looking. It makes you look.

Perhaps not everyone wants to see your breast, whilst eating, momentarily or otherwise. How about instead of this entitled "Well then don't look!!!" attitude, why don't you show a tiny bit of respect back? It's not hard.
Most ridiculous, prudish and illogical to get upset about breastfeeding in public. Why would I respect someone like that?

Do you think gay people should show a bit of respect to strangers who don't like watching them hold hands?

Some people don't like disabled people in public - should the disabled people show them some respect too.

Honestly is there something in the water in MN at the moment? So much fuckwittery and stupidity

Some people need therapy! Boobs are for feeding babies.

I think some mums just like the attention - look at me, look how wonderful I am, feeding my baby as nature intended. Blah blah blah.
You sound like the latter.

I think you've got it spot on. Of course you're not allowed to say that, but it's sadly true. It's much less about the babies needs, and very much about the mother.

Jillian
I never bought one of those wired things. I saw pictures of them and decided they looked as if they were designed by quakers. The only time I covered up was in front of my brother, who had denigrated my breasts when I was a teen. But my dd was easy going and was fine with a lightweight scarf.

Getting the cover up should be about you. If your sisters boyfriend is making you feel uncomfortable then buy the cover up and see if your baby tolerates it.

I chose not to bf in front of my fil so I would go to the bedroom. I fed in public but preferred the breastfeeding rooms in shops for comfort rather than privacy.

OP, you really don’t need to explain yourself to these people (on this thread) you haven’t been dramatic, you haven’t said you’d sit there with your breast out (not that it’s a problem if you would need to 1 it’s hard to get a good latch at that age etc etc) these people are accusing you of being dramatic when they are the professionally offended ones.

There have been some vile misuse of words on this thread. The phrase ‘breastfeeding entitlement’ is just depressing. I can’t believe a woman would even come up with that phrase.

And the woman who said women should ‘have some grace’ - seriously?! Good little women - let’s be seen and not heard and all ladylike please. No wonder we live in a man’s world.