Breastfeeding at table

[JillianHoltzmann]

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

Feed her at the table. If they don’t like it, they can move. I think it’s disgusting that you are having to worry about it xxxx We are all behind you....show them this thread, lol! xxxxx Good luck!

I think we should also cover in public ugly male faces. I don't really like to see them tbh. They should all be in balaclavas. AIBU?

*Perhaps not everyone wants to see you in a wheelchair whilst eating, momentarily or otherwise. How about instead of this entitled "Well then don't look!!!" attitude, why don't you show a tiny bit of respect back? It's not hard.

The obvious thing to do here, is to wear a cover. It's a compromise to respect everybody. If you don't want to do that, then move! Not the other ten people. Move to a side table, for five minutes! It's not the end of the world is it.

There's a whole world of people who say, sod everyone else, useyour wheelchair anywhere. Actually enjoy feeling untouchable on this subject, almost trying to provoke just to be professionally offended. And there's a whole world who simply say, I'd rather not see your disability, irrespective of why.

Technically, should you be "stopped" from using it at the table? No.
Is it just basic manners to sit elsewhere for five minutes away from the other diners with a disabilty out? Yes.*

Personally I would move away from you as I just wouldn’t want to see your baby suckle. I am sorry if this sounds unreasonable and I don’t get why women have to do this in a social situation (I know it’s a “right”).

Because babies get hungry while their mothers are in social situations. I don’t get why people have hangups about breastfeeding, but I support their right to remove themselves if the situation makes them uncomfortable.

I don’t care for couples devouring each other in front of me either. Next it will be a right to have sex in front of other people!

Equating feeding a newborn with sex is pretty weird and messed up.

*Perhaps not everyone wants to see your black skin, whilst eating, momentarily or otherwise. How about instead of this entitled "Well then don't look!!!" attitude, why don't you show a tiny bit of respect back? It's not hard.

The obvious thing to do here, is to wear a cover. It's a compromise to respect everybody. If you don't want to do that, then move! Not the other ten people. Move to a side table, for five minutes! It's not the end of the world is it.

There's a whole world of people who say, sod everyone else, be proud of your colour. Actually enjoy feeling untouchable on this subject, almost trying to provoke just to be professionally offended. And there's a whole world who simply say, I'd rather not see your black skin, irrespective of why.

Technically, should you be "stopped" from joining us ? No.
Is it just basic manners to sit elsewhere for five minutes away from the other diners ? Yes.*

I'm hoping that the hoop cover works, I don't want to spend £9 on something the baby won't feed under or makes it harder for us both!

Speak - the OP hasn’t mentioned any of three issues so can probably wear something that won’t expose her breast.

Breastfeeding in public is protected in law by several acts in the UK
In England the equality rights protect women who breastfeed.
The same set of laws that protect those of different ethic origin, gender, disability.

I suggest you move three feet! Why should you be entitled to disrespect the feelings of everyone else at the restaurant table?

Just move for five minutes, to a side table.

It is that simple. It's amazing how people try to ignore the obvious sensible thing to do just to carry on with the entitled breastfeeding speech. Anything but admit maybe they could show a little accommodation.

No no, if I can't do exactly how I want, where I want, then it's everyone else's problem as they should all accommodate me, and I shall come up with every reason why me doing the tiniest thing that would solve any potential issue immediately, is an outrageous suggestion.

Annette69

I wouldn't pander to those who are offended.

OP, I think some babies are fine with them but I wouldn’t put all your faith in one of those covers. My first hated them as much as he hated muslins and and scarves. Never tried with #2.

Courtney555
I suggest you move three feet! Why should you be entitled to disrespect the feelings of everyone else at the restaurant table?

Because these people's attitudes are not worth respecting.

Because these people's attitudes are not worth respecting.

Couldn't agree more

Not sure why you think I'm trying to disrespect everyone Courtney, I posted on here asking if I was being unreasonable, and most people said no. I have decided to order a wired cover, and have said so. I wouldn't know about them if not for this thread?

@speakout

What a truly ridiculous post. I mean truly.

Firstly, I'm half black. And physically not being able to change a skin colour that you are born with, is not the same as fucking breastfeeding entitlement.

I hope you can see just how astonishing ridiculous it is to attempt a comparison.

Being a victim of racism is not the same as being to entitled to respect that not everyone wants to see an uncovered breast at a restaurant dinner table, when if you had any manners, you could move for five minutes.

If I move for five minutes, I stop being black, right....

Seriously.

Because these people's attitudes are not worth respecting.*

This ^^

Don't cut your nose off to spite your face, making a big drama out of it, just cover up with a muslin cloth, baby wont mind - job done!

OP - I completely agree you should be able to feed your baby at the table however you prefer to.

IF you are looking for a compromise (and if this is helpful) I used to get a large muslin or very light pashmina style scarf and tuck one corner under my bra strap, I could then use it to shield DD if I felt the need. Not as cumbersome or heavy as a breastfeeding cover and doesn't slip down.

Or you could buy one of these (sorry if someone's already shared!) goo.gl/images/2jHfYF

Courtney555

The point is that breastfeeding is protected under equality legislation.
Like ethnic origin, gender, sexuality, disability.

If any of these factors causes offence then we would think badly of those offended.

Breastfeeding is no different.

Don't cut your nose off to spite your face, making a big drama out of it

Spot on.

Being a victim of racism is not the same as being to entitled to respect that not everyone wants to see an uncovered breast at a restaurant dinner table, when if you had any manners, you could move for five minutes.

I agree that racism is foul. However so is misogyny and the attitudes our society has towards new mothers. There are lots of things people don't want to see at dinner tables but for some reason breastfeeding causes the most angst . If they don't want to see it then they can move problem solved.

Don't cut your nose off to spite your face, making a big drama out of it

That's right, be a good obedient woman

Courtney and ton I think you've misunderstood, I tried the muslin cloth (didn't know there was a separate cover, I thought the muslin was the cover) and she would fuss and not stay latched. That's the only reason I'm not using one.

I'm not unreasonable, now that a solution has been presented to me (a wired cover that won't touch baby) I will get one!

The obvious thing to do here, is to wear a cover. It's a compromise to respect everybody.

Who is respecting OP here? And who is compromising apart from OP?

OP I've never seen a baby happily use the wired cover. They get sweaty and uncomfortable.