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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding at table

863 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 20:51

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Volant · 12/10/2018 18:06

I don’t see why it’s so dreadful for floaty to feel uncomfortable at someone bfing.

I don't think anyone has said it's dreadful, zzzzz? Sure, people don't understand it, but they haven't said it's a crime. It only becomes a problem that people are uncomfortable if they then try to make the breastfeeder feel uncomfortable, or suggest that it is the duty of the breastfeeder to stop what she is doing just because for some reason they can't direct their gaze somewhere else.

Volant · 12/10/2018 18:08

I must say, I'm with Ewit, I like seeing babies breastfeeding - it always feels like such a loving, close, nurturing activity, and reminds me of feeding my DC at that age.

IsBabyHereYet · 12/10/2018 18:08

Breast feeding is nurturing, shitting is getting rid of waste - both natural but hardly comparable.

Oh and for anyone who is interested - this is very similar to a cover I have - it is £8.99 on amazon - it's one with a rigid top so it doesn't cover the babies face.

Breastfeeding at table
TwoDrifters · 12/10/2018 18:10

Jillian and Sam Sorry for delayed reply - it was one of these with the “boned” bit at the top: www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00B6XK7YO/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_FunWBbGE443M6?tag=mumsnetforum-21

YearOfYouRemember · 12/10/2018 18:14

17 years ago I asked in Sainsbury's where I could feed my baby and was told the toilet Angry.

zzzzz · 12/10/2018 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nousernamefound · 12/10/2018 18:17

Only people being unreasonable are your family. You do what suits you best and they’ll have to deal with it x

Souplover · 12/10/2018 18:19

I can't believe some of the comments. When did we become so prudish about breasts and nipples? No wonder the Uk has such a poor rate of breast feeding. I breast fed both my children in public. The first time I spent 40 minutes in a toilets. The next time I thought, bugger this, and sat feeding at in a corner in a restaurant with the rest of my family. It's natural and normal, get over it!

DoveBlue · 12/10/2018 18:23

OP i used to wear a boob tube with a loose tank top or other t-shirt over the top. One top up and my boob tube covered my huge twin baby tummy. Worked at treat.

Your family would have been scadilised by me as I often fed both twins together which was fine for getting 1st one on but I would have to get boob clear of clothing before picking up second to latch on or I had no hands left . . . So boob was 'out' for 2-4seconds. It was few seconds boob exposure or 15-20m screaming for for everyone! As neither would wait once they knew other was being fed.

I was once just feeding 1 and an elderly guy came up to admire baby spoke few words etc and went back to his wife who told him off. He came back very shamed faced and apologised for stroking baby's head and disturbing me - his wife had told him I was feeding and he hadn't realised. Grin I told him not to worry although when he reached in to stroke baby I was a bit WTF but realised he hadn't noticed I was feeding just thought we were snuggling. We had a bit of a giggle over him being so clueless and later both came up to chat and coo over babies.

wouldlikesomehelp · 12/10/2018 18:23

Feed your baby at the table. Just try not to flash if possible.

ShadowHuntress · 12/10/2018 18:30

I bf my first dd until she was 2 1/2 years old and then I had twin ds’s and breast fed them both at the same time until they were 2. All of them were fed in public. I used to just pop them on wherever I was. I had a couple of those giant muslins that worked well as a cover and also to clean up any mess. It was easier to cover with dd. With the twins, it was ok when they were very small but after that it was too much faffing about so I just carried on without a cover. I can’t remember anyone ever saying anything to me. I did get a few looks sometimes when feeding the twins, but no way was I going to feed them in a toilet and no one ever actually said anything. The only time I really made an effort to cover was when my dad was about but that’s only because I felt a bit awkward as a lot of my boob would be out

Lostinlondon999 · 12/10/2018 18:31

I would feed, but also use a muslin to cover myself.

silverpetals · 12/10/2018 18:35

Just try not to flash if possible.

Why though? It's a tit, doing it's job. It's this sort of tiptoeing around in fear of "offending" that makes some women feel uncomfortable feeding in public.

I doubt the op is going to start swinging them about "flashing"

seven201 · 12/10/2018 18:37

Please tell us the name of the restaurant, time and date. Anyone breastfeeding should go and eat there! Your sister's attitude stinks and her dp sounds incredibly immature. You go and have a lovely time and only cover up if you want to.

I bf my daughter until she was one. Never had any negative comments. Did have one random male starer though Hmm.

BananaBreadHead17 · 12/10/2018 18:45

I can’t believe your own mother would be happy for you to sit on a dirty toilet seat in a stall 2 weeks after having a baby. Then feed her newborn grandchild on said toilet, exposing her to god knows what germs, just because she’s living in the dark ages. Jeeezzzz. I’d tell them all to fuck off personally. I fed my newborn in a bloody bus stop the other day, no body could see a thing and I tell you, latching in with a damn duffle coat on is not easy. But he needed feeding and I didn’t give 2 fucks what some prudes would think.

ton181 · 12/10/2018 18:48

You can be discreet without being exhibitionist about it, some mums are and some are not.
I think some mums just like the attention - look at me, look how wonderful I am, feeding my baby as nature intended. Blah blah blah.
You sound like the latter.

Makethisquick · 12/10/2018 18:52

The people saying they 'like' seeing babies breastfeeding- you are the reason I was afraid of people seeing and covered up. If I thought everyone would be disinterested or not even notice I wouldn't have minded, but I hated knowing some people like to see it. If that makes sense.

Makethisquick · 12/10/2018 18:53

That might not make sense if you haven't read in my earlier post that I used to accidentally expose my boob a lot and hated it.

Teateaandmoretea · 12/10/2018 18:58

This thread really is like something from the DM comments page, I despair of MN these days I really do. It's a breast ffs feeding a baby this thread is really really depressing.

Courtney555 · 12/10/2018 18:59

I bf, and I never understand why someone would want to be so deliberately awkward about it. My way or the high way.

Of course, feed your baby. The only option is to get your boob out at the restaurant table during a family meal or get banished to the toilets right Hmm

Perhaps not everyone wants to see your breast, whilst eating, momentarily or otherwise. How about instead of this entitled "Well then don't look!!!" attitude, why don't you show a tiny bit of respect back? It's not hard.

The obvious thing to do here, is to wear a cover. It's a compromise to respect everybody. If you don't want to do that, then move! Not the other ten people. Move to a side table, for five minutes! It's not the end of the world is it.

There's a whole world of people who say, sod everyone else, get your breasts out anywhere. Actually enjoy feeling untouchable on this subject, almost trying to provoke just to be professionally offended. And there's a whole world who simply say, I'd rather not see your breast, irrespective of why.

Technically, should you be "stopped" from doing it at the table? No.
Is it just basic manners to sit elsewhere for five minutes away from the other diners with an uncovered breast out? Yes.

Teateaandmoretea · 12/10/2018 19:03

For the record I ff and disagree with you. What is it with breastfeeding? Where are all the threads moaning about top less women on beaches? It's about new mums should not be seen and it is vile misogyny. But by all means buy some tent to stick baby under if you want, but other women shouldn't have to.

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 12/10/2018 19:04

Actually ton181 I'm not an "Exhibitionist" about it. In fact I was considering not going at all, because I was made to feel that uncomfortable about it! But thanks for the random judgement! Hmm

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 12/10/2018 19:05

the obvious thing to do here, is to wear a cover. It's a compromise to respect everybody

And for what feels like the eleventy millionth time, lots of babies won't tolerate a cover and/or lots of mums find it very stressful to latch and monitor the feed with a cover.

What do you suggest in these circumstances?

silverpetals · 12/10/2018 19:07

@Teateaandmoretea I agree.

It's really depressing.

To posters saying "I breastfed, just cover up", have clearly never had a baby that refused a cover and didn't feed at all under one!!!

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 12/10/2018 19:08

If my baby fed for five minutes at a time that'd be fine, but she actually spends an awful lot of time on the boob. Sometimes 20 minutes. Sometimes an hour. Sometimes every 15 minutes, sometimes she eats 4 hours apart. There's no telling which it'll be. If I moved I could well be eating alone for the whole meal.

Anyway, plan now is to pick up one of those wired covers that was posted upthread when I put some money in the bank, but I won't have it by Sunday

OP posts: