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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding at table

863 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 20:51

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

OP posts:
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9
unicorncow · 12/10/2018 17:38

Oh that is awful! I actually feel so angry for you!! Imagine being asked to go out for a meal but your child being told to eat in the bathroom??? I'd be saying my child will be fed in the same place as we are eating! And for your sister to be saying she doesn't want her boyfriend to see your boobs?? Really?? Think she has serious issues in her relationship to feel that way

BunsyGirl · 12/10/2018 17:40

Wear a vest. Pull vest down and top up. No one can see anything and there is no need for one of those breastfeeding shawls etc. If anyone has an issue tell them to go and eat their food in the toilet.

Supercaliwotsit · 12/10/2018 17:41

Breasts though, when breastfeeding , mine were just bags of milk for my baby, with a nipple on. I’d ceased to think of them as anything else really. Which makes some people’s opinions even sillier. I breastfed wherever I liked, wherever baby was hungry, and besides which, the baby obscures most of the view of the breast.they are CFs

NobHob · 12/10/2018 17:42

The problem is 100% theirs, not yours OP. Do exactly what you want to. Or decline their invitation. Feeding a baby in the toilet ffs. How absolutely horrible. I'm sorry OP!

RedPandaMama · 12/10/2018 17:44

We were once having coffee with my mum, gran and great-aunt, sat in the living room on 2 sofas and an armchair. I was in the armchair in the corner and 3 month old DD needed a feed. My mum suggested I go into the dining room to do it as it might be more 'private' aka I won't offend my aunt. The dining room chairs had no arms and it was cold in there. I said 'no thanks' and cracked on feeding DD in the armchair. Wouldn't mind but she was heavy so I had her balanced on a stack of cushions so they couldn't see a thing anyway!

You can feed wherever you fucking like. Smile and tell people that.

Saminsachs · 12/10/2018 17:47

@twodrifters Please can I ask you which breastfeeding cover you have?

alig99 · 12/10/2018 17:51

Personally I would move away from you as I just wouldn’t want to see your baby suckle. I am sorry if this sounds unreasonable and I don’t get why women have to do this in a social situation (I know it’s a “right”). I don’t care for couples devouring each other in front of me either. Next it will be a right to have sex in front of other people! I breastfeed my 2 children never felt the need to do it in front of anyone other than my OH, that’s my option. Do what you like but don’t get upset if other people don’t like you breastfeeding in front of them that’s their right too.

zzzzz · 12/10/2018 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zzzzz · 12/10/2018 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

speakout · 12/10/2018 17:53

Annette69
You can feed and not get your whole breast out. Nobody needs to sit there totally exposed.

But they might.

Some babies need a lot of skin contact for a successful feed,
Some mothers have problems with latch and need to be able to see properly to be able to position their babies correctly.
Some may be feeding twins.
Some may be feeding with a C section wound and " discretion" is way down the list behind their baby's hunger and their pain.
Some may have fussy feeders, constantly popping on and off.
Some may have nosy babies where every noise causes baby to ping off the breast to see what's going on.
Some mothers may not give a damn and are tired of having to position cloths and covers to the nth degree lest they scare people.

Just some examples- and there will be many more.

Breastfeeding often isn't " discreet".

EK36 · 12/10/2018 17:53

Yes absolutely feed baby at the table. If anyone stares, tell them, "please stop staring...you're making the baby feel uncomfortable" then laugh. If they dare to suggest that you feed baby in the loo. Tell them to, "eat their dinner in the toilet!!" Your sister's issues are not yours to deal with.

PolarBearkshire · 12/10/2018 17:55

Jeeez! Definitely feed as you like. Wow adult people cant see breastfeeding mother’s breast - how pre historic this could possibly be?
I dont like when mothers let it all “hang out” without any grace but perfectly fine to feed graciously without covering - sime restaurants are funny though about public breastfeeding.. in any case do what you and your baby prefers! Adults can just look away for a sec no? Hahaha

Everyoneiswingingit · 12/10/2018 17:55

It wouldn't bother me one bit! I would encourage it.

Verbena87 · 12/10/2018 17:56

Next it will be a right to have sex in front of other people!

Um, will it? Equating a baby eating with an adult fucking is a bit of a stretch.

Lala2018 · 12/10/2018 17:57

"I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background."

What does ebf mean?

pollymere · 12/10/2018 17:57

Wear a breastfeeding top and bra so you can't even see a nipple. If anyone says anything, say they're welcome to eat their dinner in the toilet. Sounds like your sister's bf needs to grow a few.

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone · 12/10/2018 17:57

Ha this reminds me of the time I went out for dinner with my DM and DF and my mum was panicking that I was feeding DS at the table in a restaurant with people in! She even tried covering me with the tablecloth Grin
I told her to get a grip and I would carry on and if anyone was looking that was their problem. I wasn't being obvious about it at all. My mum is actually very pro-breastfeeding but it was very different when I was a baby and she did feel she had take herself off to the toilet.
DP struggled with the public issue at first but then realised how discreet it was and then flipped to be very defensive.
His family were funny. I had to sit upstairs alone while feeding and I think they even struggled with me doing that. DPs DM formula fed all of her DC and all of her 5 other DGC have been formula fed from birth so it's just a completely alien concept!
If it was me I'd just do it if it was needed. They'll probably only feel uncomfortable the first time and then it's old news Grin

Borisdaspide · 12/10/2018 17:57

If you genuinely breastfed two kids for any length of time and didn't ever do it in public, I feel very sorry for you.

Of course, you're a fucking weirdo for comparing breastfeeding to exhibitionist sex, so there's that for you.

Everyoneiswingingit · 12/10/2018 17:57

Mine used to take 30 mins. I wouldn't like to sit in a loo, which is unhygienic for 30 mins when I could sit at a table and enjoy the evening with everyone else.

Saminsachs · 12/10/2018 17:57

@ alig99 Women 'have to do this in a social situation' because erm...women go outdoors with their babies,shock horror! And therefore enter social situations,and their baby,shock horror,gets hungry. And going from that to having sex in public...seriously?! It's a bit of boob,get a grip

minxlynx · 12/10/2018 17:58

Go and make sure you get one of these fetching hats lol Grin

Breastfeeding at table
Volant · 12/10/2018 18:00

I live in a world where everybody's opinions and perspectives are valued

Really, Floaty? In your world people would seriously put equal value on the opinions and perspectives in relation to racial minorities of, say, the likes of Tommy Robinson? I don't think I want to be in your world, to be honest.

Just to be clear, I don't dispute his right to hold such opinions, just as I don't dispute your right to have the views you do on breastfeeding. I just don't value those views in any way whatsoever.

Everyoneiswingingit · 12/10/2018 18:00

Lol that's brilliant!!!

Hellsbells35 · 12/10/2018 18:03

Do people really not like seeing other people breastfeed? I do it EVERYWHERE including...on the tube, restaurants, supermarkets, museums, benches, with friends, with strangers; basically anytime she’s hungry. Literally never had a weird look, and never cover up. I have massive baps too. If someone had an issue with this I would find them very strange and question their sanity

ravenmum · 12/10/2018 18:04

A curse on those exhibitionist babies getting hungry in a social setting just because they know it's their right.

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