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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding at table

863 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 20:51

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Borisdaspide · 12/10/2018 16:06

People are finding it hard to understand because it seems so unlikely shopkins. I've been around breastfeeding women practically every day for the past three years, including some fairly militant lactivists, and I've never seen anything of the sort. That's why people are disbelieving you.

AlmostAlwyn · 12/10/2018 16:07

shopkins so she was actually topless? Forgive me if I am a little...sceptical Hmm

Bar this "experience" above, no one's breasts are out or on display when breastfeeding.

Yes, it's your opinion, floaty, but you're not just stating your opinion, you're suggesting that the OP change her behaviour to suit your sensibilities. Why should she?

Stillwishihadabs · 12/10/2018 16:09

Surely it's more (the most important) for the new mother and baby to feel comfortable, not everyone else. If this mum felt she needed to take her top off, to get a good latch/ see what was going on or for any other reason, does it really matter. A baby is getting the absolutely best nutrition plus a good whack of antibodies and beneficial gut flora. That is what matters.

zzzzz · 12/10/2018 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Borisdaspide · 12/10/2018 16:13

yes, I have BF my own, in public, frequently

Right, so we're all on the same page then, women should be free to BF in public, but that one aberration Shopkins encountered, the rogue woman who always gets mentioned on threads like this, should probably buy some better breastfeeding clothes.

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 16:23

I said I don't want to see somebody's breasts on display

Who's breasts are on display? Women breastfeed to feed their children, it's not about 'displaying' them to you so don't flatter yourself

TwoDrifters · 12/10/2018 16:24

I always feel like such a failed brave feminist on these threads because I love my breastfeeding cover!

It has given me the confidence to feed anywhere and everywhere and take my time latching my baby on and off, without rushing to do it so as not to expose myself.

The - light cotton - cloth doesn’t cover my baby’s face either; I never understand when people talk about how horrid and stifling it must be to “eat under a blanket”. The stiff wire part at the top means the cover falls to the side and we are both able to see each other, talk to each other and generally relax in secluded comfort.

I don’t think anyone should have to wear one, by any means, but for me, it just means I relax without worrying about showing my stretched and scarred stomach to all and sundry.

And I don’t really care if it draws attention or seems “ostentatious” like previous posters have said. I’m not trying to hide what I’m doing, I’m proud and very grateful to have been able to feed my baby. I simply want to be able to do it in a way that makes us both feel safe and comfortable.

Using a cover when out and about is probably a large factor in the fact that I’m still feeding my almost 3-year-old even now! And at 7-months pregnant, I assume - and hope - I’ll be using it for at least the next few years…

LaurieMarlow · 12/10/2018 16:26

but that one aberration Shopkins encountered, the rogue woman who always gets mentioned on threads like this, should probably buy some better breastfeeding clothes.

Grin

I still want to know if she took the entire top off. Has this been clarified?

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 16:33

This sums it up to be honest.

Suns what up? That one person once too their top off?

Shopkins what was her other boob doing when the baby was feeding on one?! Confused

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 12/10/2018 16:33

floaty for starters I don't have a "super lightweight floaty scarf" and I don't think I'm going to rush out to get one, but more importantly I would find a tickly lightweight cloth over my face quite irritating, so I can imagine so would the baby. She does not feed under a cloth, can't see why she would under a tickly scarf!

OP posts:
Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 12/10/2018 16:35

shopkins I wasn't planning on stripping off my upper body Grin I was more thinking a tank top with a button up shirt over it, so as to reduce the amount of boob everyone was exposed to.

OP posts:
reallyreallynow · 12/10/2018 16:35

@Floaty2018 you've still not answered why you don't want to see a breastfeeding woman? What's upsetting you about it? Are you embarrassed at the skin, nipple? I truly do not understand why you would not "like it"

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 16:37

I stayed earlier I can't stand seeing people chewing their food in restaurants. Makes me heave. But it's my weird issue and I look away - I don't expect people to place a cloth over their face because of it.

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 16:38

@reallyreallynow I've asked if she's going to answer and the reply was 'nope'. Such thought provoking discussion 🧐

Seriously I hate it when people come on MN, make ridiculous/controversial statements like eating in public is the same as shitting in public, and then when people call them out they go "ooh bullies, just my opinion, I'm entitled to it" but never actually back their opinions up with any reasoning.

reallyreallynow · 12/10/2018 16:45

@GunpowderGelatine oh well if she can't validate her "I don't want to see a breast" presumably because she finds them offensive then it's not worth considering her comments!

I mean the pro feeder have all validated their reasons....it's natural...it's what their for etc etc!

Just no substance or rationale from @Floaty2018!

thereallifesaffy · 12/10/2018 16:46

How are they expecting you to feed the babe? To actually flop a boob out of the top of your top then jiggle it and faff around sorting baby out? Or do you do what I (and everyone I know did) which is an up and under manoeuvre which frankly you'd have to be watching v closely and perversely in order to see a flash of nip?
Ignore. See if they make a scene and if they do, call them out.

ree348 · 12/10/2018 16:48

That's so weird for your mum and sister to say that!

If my family said that I wouldn't even bother going.

anniehm · 12/10/2018 16:52

I had this at my mil's house - she expected me to bring a bottle and got very agitated when I started to feed, her dh stormed out of the house and didn't come back until we left, we had driven 200 miles to introduce her her first grandchild who was only 2 weeks old!

Makethisquick · 12/10/2018 16:55

I covered up because otherwise I seemed to show my boob accidentally at the start or end of a feed and I didn't want that.

speakout · 12/10/2018 17:00

It's about choice though.

Some women choose not to breastfeed.
For those who do they may not want to breastfeed in public. They may express and feed that in a bottle when out and about. They may plan their trips around feeding rooms in stores. They may decide to breastfeed in their cars or toilets.
They may choose to sit in public to breastfeed and use a cover.
They may choose to sit in public and not care about trying to cover up.

All these decisions are valid and legal.

It's about choice.

No woman should be made to feel that feeding her baby is shameful thing to do.

reallyreallynow · 12/10/2018 17:02

@anniehm that's awful!!!! Just awful!

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 12/10/2018 17:05

@ twodrifters where did you get it? I've never seen those! If I could get one of those it might actually be really helpful, because right now their discomfort is making me feel awkward.

Obviously I won't be able to get one before Sunday so I'm going to wear a tank top under a button up sort and try my damned hardest to only get the feeding part out. I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable but at the same time I want to do the best for baby!

OP posts:
Teateaandmoretea · 12/10/2018 17:24

Why are the people who do not wish to see breast feeding in public not considered at all.

Because they can choose to stay in. Everyone has things they prefer not to see but it doesn't usurp other people's rights to life.

OP your family are weirdos and your sister clearly has real issues with her boyfriend. Yanbu.

millymaid · 12/10/2018 17:34

YANBU Silly people. They can just look away for a few minutes if they really can't stand a single glimpse of boob.

Annette69 · 12/10/2018 17:36

You can feed and not get your whole breast out. Nobody needs to sit there totally exposed.