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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding at table

863 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 20:51

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

OP posts:
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Floaty2018 · 12/10/2018 15:26

@reallyreallynow Yes I called you a troll in response to your first suggestion I put a sack over my face.

@GunpowderGelatine Anything I say to you will be misconstrued. Read everything that I have posted before you continue with your rather immature remarks of going to the toilet in the middle of a restaurant. Breastfeeding a child is normal. Going to the toilet is normal. I am not COMPARING them. They are two SEPARATE but NORMAL things. I do not NEED to be comfortable with seeing somebody's breasts out. Why do you need to tell me what I am allowed to be comfortable with and what I am not allowed to be comfortable with? I am not enforcing my view on you or anybody else.

Also opinions like those of Floaty do real damage to women. Yep. Opinions that differ to yours damage women. Bravo.

reallyreallynow · 12/10/2018 15:29

@Shopkinsdoll I'm amazed that children would be embarrassed, they're usually more bothered about you know children things like what's for pudding, chatting to each other to even look at a breast feeding mother? Also children are usually so relaxed around nudity, which is a great thing!

I find that the only issues come from the apparently "adult" people!

LisaSimpsonsbff · 12/10/2018 15:32

Practically took her top half off, bra and started breastfeeding.

I'd be interested to know what 'practically took her top half off' means here. People often talk about people getting 'practically topless' while breastfeeding and I suspect that their definition of 'practically topless' is quite different to mine.

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 15:32

Anything I say to you will be misconstrued

I haven't claimed you've said anything you haven't said. You compared eating in public to shitting in public, so I think me asking if you go to the toilet in the middle of a restaurant is quite relevant. Did you expect that comment of yours to get no reaction?

Breastfeeding a child is normal. Going to the toilet is normal. I am not COMPARING them

Come off it, that's exactly what you did

I do not NEED to be comfortable with seeing somebody's breasts out. Why do you need to tell me what I am allowed to be comfortable with and what I am not allowed to be comfortable with? I am not enforcing my view on you or anybody else

I don't really know what you're going on about TBH but if you feel uncomfortable with other people BF in public that is entirely on you and it's your problem, for you to do something about, not the breastfeeders. The good news is it's easy to remedy this - look away.

Opinions that differ to yours damage women. Bravo

It's nothing to do with how it differs to my opinion. Your opinions are misogynistic. Misogyny damages women. HTH

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 15:33

For clarity you said -

Boobs are natural, feeding your baby is natural, but so is excreting waste, and I'm pretty sure you dont want to see me do that.

That's a comparison, FYI

Floaty2018 · 12/10/2018 15:34

@GunpowderGelatine Thanks for sharing your views.

reallyreallynow · 12/10/2018 15:35

@Floaty2018 oh that's ok then, you're able to justify it! I'm therefore justified in my comments as you suggested covering a child and breastfeeding like shitting! Which I find offensive!

Floaty2018 · 12/10/2018 15:36

@reallyreallynow Thanks for sharing your perspective.

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 15:41

Not gonna give your reasons then? Imagine my shock!

I just love it when people are called out on their misogyny and rather than debate their point slink off as if they're the injured party.

TrainsandDiggers · 12/10/2018 15:42

Make a stand and politely refuse. You don’t need to be funny about it, but say you don’t feel it would be hygienic to feed in the toilet and don’t want them to feel awkward if they don’t want you to feed your baby at the table. It’s up to them to shift their view then if they want you and baby to be there.

Horrible outdated views by the way! Well done for persevering with so little support. I had this grief from my in laws but not my own family thankfully! I kept going with both children until post-2 years and just spouted the facts back at them when comments were made, but so wish I didn’t need to!!

reallyreallynow · 12/10/2018 15:44

@Floaty2018 enlighten me as to what you find so embarrassing/horrific/etc about a breastfeeding mother? I'd like to understand!

Floaty2018 · 12/10/2018 15:45

@GunpowderGelatine Nope.

Floaty2018 · 12/10/2018 15:47

@reallyreallynow

enlighten me as to what you find so embarrassing/horrific/etc about a breastfeeding mother?

I did not use these words nor did I infer them. I said I don't want to see somebody's breasts on display. I won't be repeating this again.

Shopkinsdoll · 12/10/2018 15:47

Of course she did shopkins

She did! Why would I fib about that?

IABURQO · 12/10/2018 15:49

Whatever you decide OP, please don't feed in a toilet, it's very unhygienic and you don't want a tiny baby picking up a D&V bug from touching the walls. I have a principle that anyone who doesn't want to see my boy feeding when he wants to is welcome to walk away. Sometimes it's more obvious if he's fussing, other times I've had whole conversations with people without them noticing. I prefer settling somewhere quiet when it's possible, but the most important thing is that the baby gets fed.

I struggle to believe some of these anti-breastfeeding tales, round my way most women breastfeed and nobody seems remotely put out, these stories seem like weird caricatures to me. I guess my dad finds it weird when I feed the boy, but he's told me so many times how important breastfeeding is for the baby that I can't see him as unsupportive for scuttling away.

Borisdaspide · 12/10/2018 15:51

I said I don't want to see somebody's breasts on display.

That's ok because breastfeeding breasts aren't on display, they are feeding a baby.

Dobbythesockelf · 12/10/2018 15:52

Their breasts aren't on display. They aren't sat there asking you to pay a fiver to get a good luck. They are feeding their baby which is the primary purpose of breasts. If you don't want to see it then look away don't tell someone to alter their behaviour to suit your sensibilities.
It's akin to "don't wear a short skirt in case a man can't control himself". Misogyny at its finest.

zzzzz · 12/10/2018 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shopkinsdoll · 12/10/2018 15:56

d be interested to know what 'practically took her top half off' means here. People often talk about people getting 'practically topless' while breastfeeding and I suspect that their definition of 'practically topless' is quite different to mine.

Well I’ll explain it to you then if you find it so hard to understand. She took her top off over her head, bra off then baby started breastfeeding. Were she could have discreetly fed her baby without others feeling uncomfortable. Yes at the table not the toilet. Everyone has there own opinions. Breastfeeding is natural, I done it myself. Millions of women do it, I don’t need the bloody breastfeeding brigade dictating and getting on their high horses.

IABURQO · 12/10/2018 15:57

@Floaty2018 - breasts are not "on display" when breastfeeding, a baby is given access to a nipple to get milk for its food and the baby is in front of the breast. It sounds like you've never actually seen anybody breastfeed, or you've been watching some very weird porn, which is it?

zzzzz · 12/10/2018 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaurieMarlow · 12/10/2018 16:00

So she sat there with her top and bra both off, is that correct?

zzzzz · 12/10/2018 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mammylamb · 12/10/2018 16:03

I’m always a bit awkward around women breastfeeding in case I see a bit of nipple and they think I’m staring!! But that’s my issue; and a baby should not be fed in the toilet; that’s disgusting!!!!

Floaty2018 · 12/10/2018 16:04

@shopkinsdoll I don’t need the bloody breastfeeding brigade dictating and getting on their high horses Hear hear.

@zzzzz Much appreciated and yes, I have BF my own, in public, frequently. The keyboard warriors on here failed to read that bit!

@IABURQO Yep, I watch very weird porn. Intelligent. Let me refer you to the real life example of what @Shopkinsdoll posted: "She took her top off over her head, bra off then baby started breastfeeding. Where she could have discreetly fed her baby without others feeling uncomfortable". This sums it up to be honest.