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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding at table

863 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 20:51

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

OP posts:
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Volant · 12/10/2018 14:37

Rocking, was it your normal practice to breastfeed with your breast "lopped out" onto the table? How on earth did the baby latch on?

Shopkinsdoll · 12/10/2018 14:37

I’m all for breastfeeding but I certainly don’t feel the need to take all the top half of your clothes of and sit with your both breasts on full display when breastfeeding in public. Why would anyone do this?

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 14:37

I am very pro BF and BFing in public, but I do think I you should be prepared to cover up in situations where that makes others uncomfortable

This is a bit like "I'm not racist, but". You're not pro-BF at all. What is a good reason for women covering up?

reallyreallynow · 12/10/2018 14:37

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ethelfleda · 12/10/2018 14:38

Your family sounds like utter twats.

Volant · 12/10/2018 14:38

FFS, Floaty, if you really think feeding a baby is in any way similar to defecating or urinating, you probably need medical help.

speakout · 12/10/2018 14:38

Floaty2018

You are comparing a baby being nourished to someone defalcating .

Some sordid things going on in your mind.

AlmostAlwyn · 12/10/2018 14:39

my whole breast lopped out on the table

Why did no one tell me I've been doing it so wrong?! Sad

Volant · 12/10/2018 14:40

Boobs are natural, feeding your baby is natural, but so is excreting waste, and I'm pretty sure you dont want to see me do that

Test that one by thinking about other natural functions. "Eating and drinking are natural, breathing is natural, but so is excreting waste, and I'm pretty sure you don't want to see me do that."

Should we all stop eating, drinking and breathing in public, Floaty?

Floaty2018 · 12/10/2018 14:41

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GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 14:42

I knew my Dad, my FIL did not want to see my whole breast lopped out on the table.
Melts to the wise - you weren't doing it right. Why was your breast on the table? Where did the baby go?

I've fed in front of my brothers, countless times. I have no idea if it makes them feel uncomfortable (knowing them it's highly unlikely) and if it does then tough, not my problem. I'm kind of done with bending over backwards and inconveniencing myself to appease the Penis Ones though. I know Male privilege means they're used to getting their way unquestioned, especially with women, but I'm afraid on this one they're just gonna have to wrap their little heads around the fact that breasts aren't just for their ogling pleasure. I know to some people having men not thinking about sex is quite alarming but such is life

seventhgonickname · 12/10/2018 14:42

I just used to wear an open shirt and vest top(mostly to obscure leakage forming small maps of Australia on my T-shirt.).I then simply listen vest,unzipped bra and popped baby on.
Fed at numerous pubs,restaurants and no one ever noticed.Seated at a table all you can see is the top of the babies head.
I did wonder what all the talk of cover-ups was about until I realised that some women pull their tops down to feed.
I think if others are offended they should go and sit somewhere else,not you.

reallyreallynow · 12/10/2018 14:43

@Floaty2018 you likened breast feeding to shitting and suggested OP cover her baby...... and I'm a troll?

I think quite a few people have addressed your foul comments here......

Dobbythesockelf · 12/10/2018 14:43

And we have the comparison between eating and shitting..... it's like bingo when ever breastfeeding in public is brought up, I think we have a full house. Flopping boobs, eyeful, offending poor men, comparisons to defecating, discretion.

reallyreallynow · 12/10/2018 14:44

*compared not likened

Winterbella · 12/10/2018 14:45

I have yet to see any breastfeeding mother and child with both her boobs flopped out, unless its twins feeding, baby only needs 1 at a time.

Each time I have been feeding my babies I had tops/dresses that allowed me to feed without taking it completely off, besides anything else if you were doing that you'd get pretty cold!

AlmostAlwyn · 12/10/2018 14:46

Oh yay. The "breastfeeding is natural and so is shitting" poster has arrived. There's already been more than 350 comments! You're late!

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 14:47

I’m all for breastfeeding but I certainly don’t feel the need to take all the top half of your clothes of and sit with your both breasts on full display when breastfeeding in public. Why would anyone do this?

Literally no one does this.

OP, I think you should feed at the table but just not say anything I bet they don't even notice. It would be crap to have to slink off to a room and leave the conversation. I did it once at a wedding because I had a bodycon dress on that didn't pull down and I didn't fancy flashing my knickers and tummy to everyone. I was bored silly and really missed the conversation.

Floaty2018 · 12/10/2018 14:47

@reallyreallynow

You and others have entirely missed the point of what I said. Just because something is "natural", does not mean that everybody wants to, needs to, or SHOULD see it. I stand by what I said, I did not say that the OP is wrong for breastfeeding in public, I suggested a compromise where her baby is fed and the other people at the table are also comfortable. Having BF myself, it is entirely possible to strike this balance. It's called compromising, something that the majority of posters on MN have zero concept of!

LaurieMarlow · 12/10/2018 14:47

Boobs are natural, feeding your baby is natural, but so is excreting waste, and I'm pretty sure you dont want to see me do that.

Wonderful. Bfing bingo complete when someone compares feeding a baby to taking a shit.

Go and have a word with yourself for such a disgusting attitude.

Celebelly · 12/10/2018 14:47

This is like breastfeeding nonsense bingo.

Fearing men will be accused of being pervs, check
Men not knowing where to look, check
Breastfeeding being compared to shitting, check
I'm pro-breastfeeding BUT, check

TheViceOfReason · 12/10/2018 14:48

I can only think that the people who think you shouldn't BF in public / should cover up / equate BF with having a shit are monumentally stupid, hence don't have the brain power to realise that they can just not look.

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 14:49

@Floaty2018 Boobs are natural, feeding your baby is natural, but so is excreting waste, and I'm pretty sure you dont want to see me do that

This may come as quite a shock to you it some natural things are acceptable in public and some aren't.

Breathing for example, I'm sure you do in public? Drinking water? Eating? And funnily enough breastfeeding (another form of eating).

Defecating or urinating in public is a biohazard and very little is comparable with it. Therefore it's not acceptable to do in public.

But I'm sure you'd be happy to eat your dinner on the bog, no?

Lethaldrizzle · 12/10/2018 14:51

And we wonder why bf rates are so low in this country

reallyreallynow · 12/10/2018 14:52

@Floaty2018 why don't you compromise like move away from the table, close your eyes, put a sack over your head?

When breastfeeding a very young baby they can be on and off the boob if mine were anything to go by about 10 times an hour! Why should mum move away, why should she cover baby up for all that time?

What is it that you don't like about seeing a breastfeeding baby? I really don't understand!