Breastfeeding at table

[JillianHoltzmann]

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

@RockingMyFiftiesNot but that's your FIL and fathers problem, so why the fuck would you "cover up"?

Incidentally why would you have your tit on the table? I wouldn't have thought that was an extremely difficult position to latch on?

Is also say all these men who "don't like" to see breast feeding women, probably can't keep their eyes off a young woman with a low cut top on!

Men that don't like to see breast feeding in public are in my experience misogynistic!

@RockingMyFiftiesNot that means your DF and FIL!

Massive bold fail below!

I do think I you should be prepared to cover up in situations where that makes others uncomfortable

Bare toes make me feel uncomfortable and slightly ill. Does this mean I can enforce a no-sandals rule in restaurants?

@JillianHoltzmann so if you're gay does your DS think her BF can "cure" you?

Honestly people concerned about breast feeding are also the type of idiots to be homophobic as well!

@BoomTish oh no!!! I'm still flip flop wearing because of the warm weather and menopause I'll retreat to the toilets immediately.

I breastfed 2 babies wherever I was @LaurieMarlow but I knew my Dad, my FIL did not want to see my whole breast lopped out on the table.

No need for such horrible language. Internalised misogyny at its finest.

Suggesting a bit of discretion is hardly making it difficult for feeding mothers.

God I so hate the d word. It should be banned.

I presume by 'covered up' you mean use a cover or muslin. That would have distressed my baby who hated anything over his face and totally stressed me out as I needed to see my baby to get a good latch and check he wasn't choking with my fast let down.

I used the 2tops method, so was never all on show, but I don't think any woman should have to worry about a bit of breast exposed or the very occasional flash of a nipple.

There are many things that can make bfing difficult. Large boobs, distracted babies, poor latching, fast let down, wind. Any of these can undermine the perfect 'discreet' breastfeed.

So when you start bleating about discretion then what you're really saying is only mums who bf 'nicely' get to do it in public - and yes that creates additional pressure and makes mum's lives more difficult.

Luckily, there is no legal requirement for discretion.

@LaurieMarlow well that's both you and me that have identified that @RockingMyFiftiesNot male relatives are misogynistic .

No I don't think so, he seems perfectly fine and not at all homophobic. I think that's probably quite a reach- he's maybe just quite immature?

@JillianHoltzmann then your sisters imagination is running away with her? Why would she be bothered?

Apparently, when he came to pick her up she said "why don't you come in" and he just went wide eyed and said "BOOOOOOBS" so I'm feeling that he is quite immature

Do women really flop out their breast onto a table? Never happened with my 32C breasts but each to their own I suppose.

If people are uncomfortable with seeing a woman nourishing her child then that said a lot about them and their strange attitudes. There's no need to cover up. Would they like to sit and eat their food with a cloth draped over their heads.

@JillianHoltzmann sorry that made me laugh....yes he's immature! He'll need to excuse himself from the table to allow you to feed!

I think his immaturity and her view of modesty (as someone who doesn't want to breastfeed and hasn't had a baby yet) have sort of combined to create a fear of me in particular feeding my baby in front of any man, but her bf in particular. For my sister at least.

I can't say for sure because I'm not a psychiatrist so I'm no analysis expert.

Can I also say about OP, I admire you being so well established with breastfeeding that you're happy and able to go to lunch.

At 2.5 weeks I think I was still at the nipples bleeding, crying when latching on and feeling like someone was running razor blades over my nipples and I could barely stand having a bra on let alone being dressed!

You're obviously doing marvellously and should be commended not sent to the toilets!

Well done @JillianHoltzmann

@reallyreallynow I laughed too when she first mentioned it, she gave me a dark look like it was a serious concern. Then she made a passing comment about anyone breastfeeding in front of him, which I don't really want to repeat because it makes her look at lot worse than she really is.

@fifties the problem is like @laurie stated it’s the thin end of the wedge this “being discrete” and “being considerate isn’t it. Do we start saying only small breasts door small nippled women who have nice bras and perfect latching babies can feed in public. Or those that wear Boden and carry one of those big hooped abbatoir aprons that go everywhere except the breast and engulf the poor baby in tree printed fabric?

I’ve been breastfeeding almost non stop since March 2014 and none of my children like being covered up in fact they hate it. I would be doing something far more damaging to my child than a man being a bit “put off” ffs by not feeding them.

We just need to stop giving a shit and then everything will be fine.
I don’t think there are many women who “lop” (and sorry but that’s such an insulting term like flop) an entire exposed breast out I think most have top up vest down and try to just get on with it. But so what if they do get a breast out. They really are not breaking any laws.

If we were more relaxed and live and let live about it then I’m sure more women would feel able to breastfeed in public. It’s so sad and as a society we should be hanging our head in shame.

The strange thing is women get judged for formula feeding too. We really can’t win.

Thanks @reallyreallynow! I've been quite lucky, my daughter seemed to be born with a really good understanding of the latch and suckling effectively, and a decent supply. That first week and a half was bloody hard but we did get there in the end.

I do feel very grateful, I know many women have it a lot harder than I did!

jillianHoltzmann and the thing is you breastfeeding comfortably out and about would give encouragement to future mothers! It isn't always easy but it's great if someone has managed it and said "hey give it time, it'll be fine" look at me!

Hm, i was planning on calling today and asking for a room to feed her in if necessary but now I'm thinking of going and just doing it. Maybe warn my sister ahead of time that I will be feeding my baby, without a cover, if she needs it and then she can decide if she wants to come. If she decides not to I would guess that she's decided to check out of every family event for the next 6 months at the least

I don't know, I'm going to have a think about it

Maybe she’s worried you’re going to make unfavourable comments about the difference between your choices of feeding method

Gingerrogered, I'm sure she's capable of working out that if OP wanted to make unfavourable comments she could do so just as easily with or without a breastfeeding baby attached.

There could be a massive backstory. I know lots of pairs of sisters who are very territorial about partners because there is a history of flirtations or sisters belittling them to their partners.

It never ceases to amaze me just how far some people will go to try and blame the nearest woman when men are dim/twattish/ignorant/nasty

Most likely going against the grain here but I dont want to see your boobs out at the dinner table. Sure, breastfeed sat there with everyone else, I have no issues with this, but I think it's just good manners to at least partially cover up. A super light weight scarf for one feed is not going to harm you or your baby. Boobs are natural, feeding your baby is natural, but so is excreting waste, and I'm pretty sure you dont want to see me do that.

RockingMyFiftiesNot

You are not pro breastfeeding in public.

Boobs are natural, feeding your baby is natural, but so is excreting waste, and I'm pretty sure you dont want to see me do that.

Breastfeeding and shitting are two completely different biological functions and you are wrong to compare the two. If you think breastfeeding and shitting are one and the same then you are not feeding correctly.