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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding at table

863 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 20:51

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
twiglet · 12/10/2018 12:04

@Celebelly 😂😂😂😂😂

Dobbythesockelf · 12/10/2018 12:04

celebelly sadly my boobs have never flopped. However they are at their most impressive while breastfeeding. Nothing gives you a cleavage like boobs full of milk. I tried to flop them this morning bit disappointingly they just kind of stayed there all perky and unfloppy. Obviously I am doing this breastfeeding thing wrong. Oh what a disappointment I am.

theymademejoin · 12/10/2018 12:10

I think it's really sad that this attitude is still prevalent today. My eldest is 20 and youngest is 15 so it's a while since I bf. I generally just did it and was completely oblivious to people's "sensitivities", although I used to feed my middle one in a separate room, where possible, once she hit about 3 months as she was a nosy little git and would be too interested in what was going on around her to actually feed. It was very frustrating.

One incident where I regret not just going ahead and feeding was my eldest's christening when he was 3 months old. He started crying. The priest suggested I give him a dummy. I told him we didn't use one. He then suggested giving him a bottle. I told him he was breast fed. The priest retreated rapidly back to the altar and kept quiet after that. Mind you, if the crying had gone on longer than a couple minutes, I would have probably just ignored the horror of my in-laws and my mother and just fed him

In my experience, like most others, you can see nothing when feeding, unless you are really looking from very strange angles. Best bet is plenty of attitude. Nobody ever suggested to me I should feed elsewhere or cover up. Mainly, I suspect, as they knew I wouldn't tolerate it.

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 12/10/2018 13:01

ginger no backstory with the boyfriend. He's not at all attractive to me and he's her first real boyfriend so no man-stealing history here! In fact he makes me feel awkward because he doesn't engage in conversations at all.

OP posts:
LisaSimpsonsbff · 12/10/2018 13:02

There could be a massive backstory. I know lots of pairs of sisters who are very territorial about partners because there is a history of flirtations or sisters belittling them to their partners.

Yes, there are lots of made up scenarios we haven't considered here. What if this whole conversation took place on the moon?!

Even if OP does have a long history of seducing her sisters' boyfriends I think it's unlikely she's done it by lactating in front of them.

LaurieMarlow · 12/10/2018 13:10

Even if OP does have a long history of seducing her sisters' boyfriends I think it's unlikely she's done it by lactating in front of them.

Exactly this. I don't think anyone who's actually breastfed sees lactating boobs as tools of seduction. Trust us when we say that's the very last thing on our minds.

nolongersurprised · 12/10/2018 13:15

I have breastfed for about 8 years all up (4 babies). I have revealed more of my breasts in outfits during my Wild Youth (clubbing and so forth) than I have feeding my children.

IsBabyHereYet · 12/10/2018 13:21

A cover should be for the mum - only if she is uncomfortable feeding in public, some people don't have a lot of confidence. That is it.

Some letters and comments we read likened breastfeeding to masturbation, public defacation, sex. child abuse.
These people very seriously need to get their heads looked at ffs!!!

@JillianHoltzmann you've not mentioned a partner I don't think - if he is involved, what does he make of this?

zzzzz · 12/10/2018 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoomTish · 12/10/2018 13:27

I think I’d turn down the invite on that basis. Inviting people for dinner and not allowing one (the baby) to eat is just odd.

I was out for dinner recently and happened to notice two women at two different tables breastfeeding their babies. I thought nothing of it but, on reflection, it’s bloody lovely to see families out together, enjoying a meal.

maggienolia · 12/10/2018 13:31

I'll come to the dinner and get mine out as a distraction OP.
Unfortunately they're approaching waist level now so would probably clear the entire restaurant , but solidarity and all that..

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 13:33

I mentioned ff just to check that people so dedicated to bf are actually aware of formula.

Yep and I don't want my kid having it, especially not to please weirdo pearl clutchers

In general the more people try to bully their way into making something acceptable the more likely they are to meet with opposition

No is is trying to make BF in public acceptable - it's already acceptable

Are you going to tell us what offends you exactly about BF in public? The nipple? The baby's presence? The glimpse of skin? What is it?

JodieWhittakersBraces · 12/10/2018 13:35

Sounds like your DS had already had a word with your DM hence the eat your Sunday dinner in the toilet comment - that's just a WEIRD thing to say! Agree with previous posts, tell them to go eat their dinner in the toilet!

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 12/10/2018 13:37

If I read the OP correctly, I don't think the issue is feeding at the table per se,it's feeding at the table without covering up. I am very pro BF and BFing in public, but I do think I you should be prepared to cover up in situations where that makes others uncomfortable. No one ever should be sent to the toilet to BF tho

Ohb0llocks · 12/10/2018 13:41

@User02 I'm so tempted to post a pic of my baby latching on just to see if you spontaneously combust.

Dobbythesockelf · 12/10/2018 13:46

rocking My baby won't feed with a cover, I tried once when he started getting distracted all the time. He pulled it off and screamed. I'm sure that would be much more pleasant than a glimpse of nipple for other dinners, it's not like anyone complains about a screaming baby.....

reallyreallynow · 12/10/2018 13:47

I am very pro BF and BFing in public, but I do think I you should be prepared to cover up in situations where that makes others uncomfortable.

What an extremely odd statement!

hellsbellsmelons · 12/10/2018 13:48

This drives me insane.
In fact the photo here was on my facebook recently.
And I didn't even get to breastfeed!!!

Breastfeeding at table
reallyreallynow · 12/10/2018 13:49

@hellsbellsmelons that's a fucking brilliant statement!

Babyshark2018 · 12/10/2018 13:50

I can’t believe some people on this thread.

So basically all breastfeeding mothers should stay indoors, not have a social life and get postnatal depression.

Seriously OP. Normal people DO NOT care if you breastfeed. No one has ever said anything negative while I’ve been out, actually they have encouraged it. Your family are being ridiculous- I think you should just get on with it and be the one to normalise it for them.

LaurieMarlow · 12/10/2018 13:54

i am very pro BF and BFing in public, but I do think I you should be prepared to cover up in situations where that makes others uncomfortable.

You're not pro bfing in public if you seek to make it any more difficult for the mother in question, which the pressure to cover up can often do.

I hope you find that clarification on your position helpful.

E20mom · 12/10/2018 13:57

Your mum's the problem. Sounds like she's got weird boobie issues.

Everyone else is eating at the table so baby should too.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 12/10/2018 14:00

I breastfed 2 babies wherever I was @LaurieMarlow but I knew my Dad, my FIL did not want to see my whole breast lopped out on the table. Suggesting a bit of discretion is hardly making it difficult for feeding mothers.
And there was no need to be quite so nasty.

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 12/10/2018 14:06

@isbabyhereyet there is no partner- I'm actually gay and I never intended for the conception to happen, it wasn't a pleasant experience, and I don't want to get into that on a breastfeeding thread.

OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 12/10/2018 14:06

Tell them all to piss off with their stupid ideas. Feeding a baby in the toilet, fgs.

And what the hell does your sister think is going to happen to her boyfriend if he sees the small amount of breast you're likely to show?

I'd go and just get on with feeding my baby if I were you. What are they going to do about it.

I used to feed my babies wherever it was convenient. I once sat in the middle of a large Boots store and fed one of mine - that was in the days when Boots had a few chairs scattered around the store - and no one even seemed to notice except for a couple of women who turned round and walked the other way after one of them said in a loud voice 'that woman's feeding a baby'.

This attitude is one of the reasons we have such low breast feeding rates in this country.

I was once told by my exh's brother's MIL that I was 'sick' for bf my 2 year old son.

Don't let them bully you and make you feel uncomfortable.