Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding at table

863 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 20:51

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Dobbythesockelf · 12/10/2018 08:50

I'm always amazed by the "I'm all for breastfeeding BUT...." comments. If you have to put a but in the sentence it's a good sign that you are not all for it.
Fed 1 baby for 10 months and currently feeding another and have only had 1 bad comment but plenty of good comments.

If poor men can't manage to avert their eyes when a woman is breastfeeding that is the man's problem not the woman's. I would also question why he was so interested in the back of a babies head.

All these people that claim to have seen women flopping their boobs out. How do you do that, my boobs are quite small I've never managed to get them to flop anywhere. And "feed it before you leave" cause I never get hungry or thirsty at random times during the day. Next time you go out have a drink of water before you leave and then don't drink for 3/4 hours no matter how thirsty you are and we will see how you feel.

I'm just gonna go and flop my boob out to feed my baby....

reallyreallynow · 12/10/2018 09:10

*@User02

Why are the people who do not wish to see breast feeding in public not considered at all.*

Because they're weird stupid cunts!

EwItsAHooman · 12/10/2018 09:15

How awful is the word 'flop' when it's being used in a derogatory way toward women who BF? It's the implication that all breasts used to BF are like saggy, deflated, spaniel ears. Flopping about all over the place, slapping people with them if you're not careful about the floppage trajectory. It's supposed to make us think that there is something inherently disgusting, ugly, or shameful about breastfeeding with our deflated party balloons breasts flipping and flapping about the place.

I have to admit though, I stared at a mum feeding her baby at the table next to us in the café the other day. I did apologised and explain that I wasn't being weird, I was only making googoo eyes at her beautiful little baby and having a wistful remember about feeding my own babies when they were that small. Told her she made my day giving me some warm and fuzzy memories to think about.

speakout · 12/10/2018 09:19

EwItsAHooman

I agree- all this "flopping" breasts about is very anti women, and very anti breastfeeding women.

FlowThroughIt · 12/10/2018 09:22

I do understand the POV that there's absolutely no reason to have both breasts out completely exposed to feed 1 baby. My cousin use to do that. Lift her shirt up, take her bra off, and just sit there feeding her baby with both breasts out...and she wasn't switching between boobs either.

Eatmycheese · 12/10/2018 09:24

Yes the flop analogy is loathesome and utterly disrespectful

Actually my breasts are at their least floppy when breastfeeding. They are actually rather fabulous, because they are full of milk and not all sorry for themselves.
So fuck of with your flopping.

And yes I agree with the I’m all for breastfeeding but. It’s akin to “I’m not a racist but”

It’s 2018 and I am gobsmacked that any woman would try and make the OP see this from any of these weirdoes perspectives

speakout · 12/10/2018 09:28

FlowThroughIt

So what?

No one died from seeing women's breasts.

Judging degrees of discreetness is not being supportive of public breastfeeding.

ferrier · 12/10/2018 09:28

Mine too. If I could take them back to those bf days I would in a flash mob (minus the leaky bits of course!)

Henryismyfriend · 12/10/2018 09:29

I just wouldn't go because I wouldn't want to spend time with a sister who thinks her boyfriend will be somehow horrified or bewitched by me breast feeding, a man who may be like that (he might be totally innocent in this) and a mother that agrees. And I'd tell them why too.

And -
slapping people with them if you're not careful about the floppage trajectory.

This has got to be the best thing I have read on here for ages!! 😂🤣😂

sophie150 · 12/10/2018 09:30

Have the breast objectors ever been to a European beach? Boobs of all shapes and sizes and ages flopping about all over the place. Do you cover your menfolk's eyes?
No?
So not sure why there is an issue with a quick flash of nipple and a bit of skin on a breast showing when feeding.
I faffed about with scarfs with dc1 and then didn't bother with dc2 - just one top up and one top down and there's nothing to see once latched on.

zzzzz · 12/10/2018 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlmostAlwyn · 12/10/2018 09:52

My bra is basically for keeping my breasts under control now. There's no telling what would happen if I let them out. Flopping about and slapping the waiter going past and the people at the next table.

AlmostAlwyn · 12/10/2018 10:01

Also going to say I reckon user is on the windup.

I mentioned ff just to check that people so dedicated to bf are actually aware of formula.

Yes, formula companies spending £40 per baby on marketing is just so ineffective. These militant breastfeeders haven't even heard of it!

speakout · 12/10/2018 10:20

You mean there is a breastmilk substitute?

What are these dark arts?

So all that breast flopping I did wasn't really necessary?

harrietm87 · 12/10/2018 10:40

At least the flopping I can kind of imagine, but the whipping? Who are these women who can whip their breasts??? Sounds quite athletic to me.

It’s almost always someone complaining about a “smug” breastfeeder who describes them as “whipping their breasts out” often “aggressively”.

PerverseConverse · 12/10/2018 11:01

Fucking hell do some people still really think breastfeeding is something to hide away? I did it everywhere and anywhere the need arose: on buses, trains, school assembly, a funeral, my own wedding, other weddings, church, restaurants, parks, libraries, shops, walking around a country fair as no seats, stood outside chatting to neighbours. No one ever batted an eyelid and I often got compliments as to how nice it was to see a baby being breastfed. Even when he was nearly 3 and no longer a baby. Women would share their feeding in public stories with me and congratulate me. Breastfeeding should be celebrated not hidden away. I never flashed anyone in the process but I didn't use a cover either. Baby always ate when I ate. No one should be eating in the loo.

speakout · 12/10/2018 11:13

PerverseConverse

Like you I have never had any negative comments.

I have breastfed for 7 years in total- and like you everywhere.

I don't doubt that there is an element of society that thinks breastfeeding in public is not acceptable.

We had a public consultation when introducing the breastfeeding bill in Scotland- some of the responses were eye opening.
Hateful, nasty, abusive.

Some letters and comments we read likened breastfeeding to masturbation, public defacation, sex. child abuse.

Thankfully the overwhelming response was in support of public breastfeeding, but there are those that think otherwise.

Celebelly · 12/10/2018 11:20

I see this has descended into farce since I last looked. Some of these posts have to be a wind-up. Please, God, let them be a wind-up as the alternative is terrifying.

I think I lost it about the post where it was claimed that a young boy who had seen a glimpse of breast when a baby was being breastfed would go into school and talk about it and then child services would be called. This is actually BATSHIT INSANE.

Redken24 · 12/10/2018 11:20

I never breastfed! But I do think you should feed your baby wherever when you need to. Boob bottle syringe I duno if baby hungry, they got to be fed.
If anyone is offended then I would tell them to get a grip

lifecouldbeadream · 12/10/2018 11:22

I was in the M&S cafe with my DH the other day and was given a card from the local breast feeding support to say - well done for feeding in public. It helps to normalise it for other women. I was a bit HmmConfused at this..... but...... it also says.... pass along to another mum when you see one feeding in public. I would love to do this for someone in your position. I absolutely support women to make the decision that feels right for them..... but as breast feeding is the original way to feed your baby..... when did we get so bent out of shape/prudish, that we all throw our hands up in horror at the idea that women will feed their babies..... I have refused to feed in a toilet. But my MIL also shouts loudly to FIL ‘she’s feeding’..... it doesn’t make me uncomfortable..... but clearly he/she/they feel it’s an issue..... good luck OP. YANBU. X

Isitwinteryet · 12/10/2018 11:25

I breastfed my baby, at a table, in a pub, in front of my whole dh's family and no one batted an eye. I think this is their issue. Feed your baby where ever you like. :)

Dobbythesockelf · 12/10/2018 11:34

I don't particularly like looking at sweaty hairy man boobs in summer but sadly the world does not revolve around me......

I've fed everywhere I can think off. I've even fed in front of children. No social service visits yet. My 9 yr old nephew did say ewwww the other day but his mum told him to stop being silly and we all carried on with our day. I don't think he's scarred for life but I will have to check next time I see him.
At the end of the day it doesn't matter if people are so fucked up that they have heart attacks at the sight of a baby feeding the law is on the side of the breastfeeding woman.

MidnightAura · 12/10/2018 11:35

Yanbu

Your family are weird and unsupportive. This is how my family feel about breastfeeding though so I have this to come!

Last time I was with a friend and her husband out for lunch, my Husband joined us for a little bit after for drinks. Later on he commented how quiet the baby was. He didn’t realise my friend had been breastfeeding!

Gingerrogered · 12/10/2018 11:38

Mmm. I wonder what the sisters side of the story would be on this? There could be a massive backstory. I know lots of pairs of sisters who are very territorial about partners because there is a history of flirtations or sisters belittling them to their partners.

Maybe she’s worried you’re going to make unfavourable comments about the difference between your choices of feeding method? Or that it will make her feel pressured. I just think it’s odd your DM BF but is being onside with DSis. Maybe your DM still isn’t telling you something.

Celebelly · 12/10/2018 11:55

I'm six months pregnant and wondering when I can expect to be able to 'flop'. At the moment all I can manage is a feeble jiggle, but I'd like to be able to practice the flopping prior to the baby's arrival so I can get the best technique for maximum velocity. Can anyone help?