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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding at table

863 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 20:51

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Shampooeeee · 12/10/2018 06:19

Your mum and your sister are basic bitches.

Perhaps if you bf in front of your sister’s boyfriend and his eyes don’t explode, it could be a learning experience for all of them.

Blondebakingmumma · 12/10/2018 06:21

@user02
According to the World Health Organisation bf is the best feeding option for babies. Your attitude is so unhelpful for poor BFing mums

speakout · 12/10/2018 06:26

@user02

I can't actually believe that you are being serious.

Blondebakingmumma · 12/10/2018 06:27

@user02
It’s not 5% of the population in the UK. It’s 0.5%
No wonder people are put off bfeeding with people like you around

Thisreallyisafarce · 12/10/2018 06:31

I just wouldn't go. Cheeky mare.

speakout · 12/10/2018 06:35

@user02

Some people may not like seeing others in wheelchairs, they may mot like seeing people from a different ethnic origin.

Should these people stay at home in case they offend?

Their right to a visible position in society trumps your right not to be offended.

Same with breastfed babies.

You have to suck it up or stay at home.

User02 · 12/10/2018 06:39

Still an inability to see any other point of view.
Am I serious? Probably. I accepted the changes I had to make when I had babies but didnt expect the rest of the population to change to meet my wishes. No other woman moves or removes clothing in public

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 12/10/2018 06:41

I think user might be stirring the pot, as it were. There's no way that someone would describe CPS being ok with breastfeeding as "unfortunate" or suggest switching to formula because otherwise someone might see.

...Right??

OP posts:
speakout · 12/10/2018 06:44

User02

No other woman moves or removes clothing in public

So what?

Shock horror- "woman feeds baby!"

Get over it.

GirlAtTheRockShow · 12/10/2018 06:58

@Beesandfrogsandfleas GrinGrinGrinGrinHowling here!! Haha!!

PleaseJustSayNo · 12/10/2018 07:21

I mean that in the nicest possible way but I've had some friends literally whip full boob out in front of my husband and he doesn't know where to look

Tbf if someone literally whips a full boob out, I'm going to look. Just the sheer action would cause a glance. There's a significant difference between a look/glance and staring and oggling though.

I'm yet to meet a man that finds the thought or reality of a women breastfeeding her child sexually alluring. In fact I don't think most men pay enough attention to notice.

brookshelley · 12/10/2018 07:24

in case you are not aware it is not absolutely essential to bf many babies have survived on ff

A baby who is breastfed 99% of the time is unlikely to take a bottle of formula on a random occasion especially when mum is nearby. So are you saying all women should FF so that they never are in a situation where they may need to BF in public?

DartmoorDoughnut · 12/10/2018 07:28

Can guarantee that if a woman is assaulted @User02 is one of those who asks if she was drunk and what she was wearing Angry

I’ll say again, boobs exist for feeding babies.

M0reGinPlease · 12/10/2018 07:35

Am I serious? Probably. I accepted the changes I had to make when I had babies but didnt expect the rest of the population to change to meet my wishes. No other woman moves or removes clothing in public

Breastfeeding is BIOLOGICALLY NORMAL! It's literally the most normal, natural way to keep a newborn human alive. Stop making out its some lifestyle choice that people make intentionally to wind others up. Your suggestion that breastfeeding should not be done outside of the house is, frankly, fucking mental and so are you.

User02 · 12/10/2018 07:37

@Jillian I am not at all saying you can not bf. It would be unfortunate if a childish description led to investigations. I mentioned ff just to check that people so dedicated to bf are actually aware of formula.

In general the more people try to bully their way into making something acceptable the more likely they are to meet with opposition. I don't think that attitude is going to be good for the babies being bf at this time. The attitude being if others don't like what you are doing just bully them and gang up until they come to the same view. I wont be getting over anything, I am entitled to my view and my opinion. Whatever happened to free speech

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 07:39

It’s feeding a baby. There’s no need for a fanfare or such a big deal being made of it

Can you give us n example of when a 'fanfare' has bee made of feeding please? Do women blow into one of those trumpets and make an announcement to the pub first?

Everyone should be considerate

The thing is, if I'm feeding my baby in public I haven't literally no idea if people around me are 'uncomfortable' with breastfeeding. Not that it's stop me, but weirdos who don't like it are thankfully rare IMO. But it's guaranteed 100% that I need to feed him. It's also guaranteed that he wants to be fed. So unless you canvas the opinion of the room before breastfeeding it really is basic common sense that 2 people who definitely need something quite vital comes before the feelings of people who are probably not even in the room. I'm certainly not going to insult the general public by assuming everyone around me is weird about breastfeeding (again not that I'd give a shit)

zzzzz · 12/10/2018 07:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aftereights91 · 12/10/2018 07:40

Haha hahaha. I had trouble breastfeeding my first, luckily my DD is feeding perfectly. I worked so hard to get at least one of my kids feeding properly and there's no way in hell anyone is going to make me feel uncomfortable about it. She'll be fed when she needs irregardless of where I am. Tell your mum to suck it up and stop being so ridiculous

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 07:42

@User02 If breasts are not sexual why do women wear bikinis and not shorts like men?

Oh dear, we aren't very bright are we.

Breastfeeding is the primary purpose of breasts. Do you understand this?

And some of us wear bikinis because it's hot outside and they look pretty. Not everything is about pleasing the menz you know.

User02 · 12/10/2018 07:42

@MOreGinPlease Do forward me a copy of your Degree in Psychiatry together with your Certificate to Practise just to be sure of your diagnosis. Impersonation is an offence. Your post confirms my bullying opinion
Bf or ff is a choice

GunpowderGelatine · 12/10/2018 07:45

Also @User02 as has probably been said the right to breastfeed is protected by law. That's how OK it is to breastfeed in public!! There's been a law made to ensure it can happen. So if 'the public' are uncomfortable' with it it's tough shit. As tough shit as it is if they don't like seeing gay people kiss

Beesandfrogsandfleas · 12/10/2018 07:46

User you are being really unpleasant so it’s hardly a surprise if others are unpleasant back to you. Can’t believe you would put a further obstacle in the way of women trying to do something good for their baby.

M0reGinPlease · 12/10/2018 07:47

User02

Your choice to post on Mumsnet is now incredibly offensive to me. Please cover yourself with a scarf immediately. And jog on.

User02 · 12/10/2018 07:49

I have never asked anyone to cover themselves with a scarf

Flatasapancakenow · 12/10/2018 07:50

Your family are being ridiculous. I came up against this sort of thing when I was breastfeeding too with different parts of my family. Don't let them bullhorn you into a doing something you don't want to do, it'll set the precedent for the whole time you're breastfeeding.
Do you really want to spend the next 6 months/year/2 years/longer looking for a separate breastfeeding room everywhere you go with there people? Few places will have them, and why would you want to go for dinner with someone and then spend 3/4 of your time in a separate room from them staring at the wall?

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