To have given DSD the box room?

[SarahH12]

Earlier this year DP and I bought our first house. We moved from a very small rented 2 bedroom house to a much bigger 3 bedroom house.

DSD barely spent any time at all in her room before we moved here so we gave her the box room and let her decorate it how she wanted (paint, curtains etc). We then used the other spare room as a sort of dumping ground / office (I'm studying and DP often works from home).

DSD is approaching 7 and tends to now spend a lot of time in her room. She spoke to me a few weeks ago and was a bit upset as she said her room is a bit small to play in. I feel bloody horrible that we have given her the small room now.

Our thinking at the time was that she's only here every other weekend plus half the holidays (a week at a time) and she barely used her last room to do anything other than sleep. I tend to study most evenings and DP works from home at least once a week so we thought we'd get most use out of the bigger room.

Were we unreasonable to give her the smallest room? We can't really afford to decorate the bigger room if we switched them around now.

Could you keep the box bedroom as her sleep space but have another part of the house which she can play in? I don’t think you were unreasonable to give her that room- it’s still her own space.

@Puggles123 she has plenty of room to play in the living room / dining room it's just sometimes she prefers to play in her bedroom.

Could you get her a high sleeper bed so that she can make the most of the floor space? I don't think it's unreasonable that the person who is there the least should have the box room but I see her point too, she is outgrowing it.

Why don’t you offer to switch her, and explain that if she does switch, the new room won’t be decorated for a while. Give her the choice of where she wants to be.

Could you actually fit the office stuff in the smaller room anyway?
Could you get DSD a high sleeper with floor space under to play?

I was about to suggest a high sleeper too. Somewhere she can play underneath.

My DS has a box room and as above he has a high sleeper. It's excellent as you still have all the floor space.

My stepson has the smallest room and we bought a high sleeper with a wardrobe and draws underneath it so has more floor space.

Saying that though he doesn't spend any time in his room anyway.

It does seem like a bit of a weird decision to be honest to not make the second biggest room her bedroom in the first place. Even if she didn't use it much last year it's pretty obvious she would spend more time in her room as she grew older?

Plus even if she's not always with you she still needs a bed, wardrobe, storage, place to play etc. Whereas all you need in a home office is basically a desk.

I would give her the choice - either say she can have the room now but accept it won't look perfectly pretty, or she can have it in a year or two when you can redecorate - although to be honest I don't see why you need a big redecoration at all?
As long as the walls are neutral in the second room surely all her bedding, pictures etc will look fine anyway even if it isn't perfectly coordinated.

I think you were reasonable. A high sleeper might be a good idea for space but they aren't cheap and can be a pain when making beds etc. Is there particular things that's she wants to play with but can't in the room? Can you be more creative with storage or how she plays....collapse desk? Offer Christmas presents that are alternatives. Is there another space she could have. Could she play in the spare room and share the multi space but if Daddy home she knows she has to do something different sort of thing? I'd say don't be tempted to move her. What happens when she outgrows that room? For me it's not even that she isn't with you full time but that the house has to work for everyone.

It does seem like a bit of a weird decision to be honest to not make the second biggest room her bedroom in the first place. Even if she didn't use it much last year it's pretty obvious she would spend more time in her room as she grew older?

I disagree.

I would have the other bedroom as a decent spare bedroom and office so that I could work at home and have guests to stay in comfort. A child that is hardly there needs a space of there own more than they need a large space.

Get a high sleeper so there is max floor space for her.

If the office stuff will fit comfortably in the smaller room and it's just the "random dumping ground" stuff that won't, then I think yes you might be a little bit unreasonable. Random clutter shouldn't take precedence over your DP's daughter. If the office stuff will have to be squeezed in though and just not be comfortable or practical for you and DP, then no you're not being unreasonable.
I hope you find a solution that makes everyone happy.

I think you should leave things as they are OP.
She's got a lovely decorated room and plenty of other space in the house to play.

We had a small third bedroom when my DCs were at home(adults now)
I turned the dining room, which was totally separate from living room, into a den/playroom for them but it also had the dining table in there and we ate our meals in there so very much a multi purpose room.
It worked out well but we lived in the house the whole time.

Sometimes it's not always practical to give DCs exactly what they want especially if you don't have the room.

Don't beat yourself up about this arrangement.

You weren't unreasonable at the time. I would explain your thinking to her and make suggestions as to how you can resolve the situation.
Highsleeper/dedicated play corner/swap rooms (if this works for you).

Presumably your DSD is there more often than you have guests though, and you can fit your office stuff in the smaller room? So yes, I'd give her the bigger room unless you have an endless stream of guests.

Nope you weren’t unreasonable.
And actually I dint think you wouod be unreasonable to,keep the same arrangement either. Because you and your DH have a REAL NEED of that room for work.

What is your DH saying about it?

I’d leave it as it is. She has her own space and other areas around the house. If you will be using the bigger room often then it makes sense. We had the smallest room in our house and it was awful. I hated putting he girls into smaller rooms but it works much better now. Our youngest has the smallest room an often feel guilty that she will fit less things in there as she is older but, us in the smallest just wasn’t working and our elder daughter already had lots of things that couldn’t be removed, I’m hoping she understands as she’s older but it’s made life easier now in other ways. She has her own room no matter the size and isn’t there too often for it to become cramped.

On a practical note
I helped a friend adapt a set of wooden bunk beds for a box room a good few years ago
The top for sleeping and the lower half sofa type arrangement with lots of cushions.

It still had a mattress so that it could be used as a guest bed.
She hung fairy lights underneath the top bunk and DD loved the end result.

Where we live its a lot of 3 bed semi detached houses with a box room where a lot people have 2 children and a lot of them have the box room as a perfectly functioning bedroom

Sassi I suspect that room isn’t used a guess room as such but rather as an office.
There are two adults working in there. And a child who is there only every other weekend.
I’d put the needs of the audults first butbtry an s’organise the room so she has as much space as possible.
The reality is that she wants more space now but will need much less in 2~3 years time anyway.

I wouod be careful to distinguish between NEEDS and WANTS

I would get a high sleeper bed to maximise floor and play space they are also great for fitting in a desk when the dc get older.

I’d get a bright coulourful rug and a cheap play tent, and then put them out in the spare room when she stays over so she’s have that as her play space. And maybe a toy storage thing on wheels that she can move from room to room.

Meh. She’s not hard done by, I’d keep things as they are. If you need the larger room I. Future you can’t really take it back off her?

I’d be more concerned why a 6 year old is spending most of their time in their room?

Or would the larger room fit the bed and the office things. So during the week it’s an office. On the weekend she stays it’s exclusively her room. And in the holidays she understands that you may need exclusive use for work? Then the small room becomes a dumping ground

2 adults both need office space, by the sound of it.
OP studying.
OP's DP working from home at least once a week.

That needs at least 1 properly set up desk and chair, and decent storage suited to those needs (if sharing a desk, the other's papers etc need to be able to be moved).

DSD needs a place to sleep.
She WANTS a place to play.

She has been given the chance to decorate HER room as she likes it - so it is definitely her room.

I'd be inclined to see what storage options could work to take things off the floor, and/or bedding options (high sleeper as some mentioned) might work to give more floor space as well. Cupboards mounted on walls, or shelves rather than floor units, bed build onto the wall higher up.

A decent carpenter, or professionals involved with boatbuilding or apartment outfitting etc, would potentially be useful to make best use of the space.

But if DSD has already made the space her own, and you have reasons to use the larger room, I'd be inclined to try and make better use of her space for her newer wants/needs and take account of things changing as she grows and matures, but still allowing those adults who own/rent the home and whose activity within the room is helping to pay for that home, to actually undertake the activity they need to in the larger spare room.